To not want dd to go to fils grave Xmas morning?

[CrapWreathKeith]

Dh and I agreed this year to have Xmas at home, with just us and dd (4) his idea btw. Usually we alternate between mil and my parents, this year is 'my parents year'. We have ended up with mil too (whole other thread)

The idea originally was get up, open presents, have a couple of hours in the local ( child friendly) come home, have dinner.

This has morphed into get up, open presents, dh take dd to collect mil, via the church yard, pick me up en route to pub (I will have prepped dinner while they are gone) come back, have dinner, dh drops mil home.

Aibu to think

A) dd still doesn't get time to play with her presents and
B) fuck off am I doing all the prep
C) what 4 yo wants to traipse across the churchyard when they could be at home playing in the warm?

Dh thinks I'm unreasonable and should be grateful he is offering to 'get dd out of my hair'

I think he and mil should go alone (Xmas day is fils birthday and he died before dd was even born) but dh should again least peel the spuds before he goes.

Aibu?

Seriously you need to be having words with your DH over this. He's the problem here not your MIL. By the end of the last thread you were adamant there was a buffet and they could all take it or leave it and you were all off to the pub after dropping MIL home.

DH has now obviously backtracked and its turned into a full dinner with extended graveyard visits and you know she will have him do some shelf hanging or something equally as useless on the drop off. He needs to sort it and in the nicest way you need to stop being so passive in real life about how your Christmas is going to go.

nydj Standing ovation really? confused

I agree withmrstp for what's its worth but taking your dc to the graves or special places of your passed loved ones shouldn't be a female issue. By all means stand up and say no but for me personally, a dc attending their grandparents grave isn't a feminist issue
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Yes really. I think it goes to the crux of the matter and is about being able to express a girl/woman's wishes without worrying about 'rocking the boat' or 'hurting someone else's feelings' etc. MrsTP didn't say going to the grave itself was a feminist issue and infant, she said that if it is what the mil wants then she should go. The point was that girls and women are conditioned to put other people's wishes ahead of their own wishes and this should not be the automatic reaction in all situations.

Its none of my business but I wonder what will happen with this little family on Christmas morning. I hope the child is alright what with dad up till 3 am and mum stressed out.

And a pub involved.

I'm sure the child will be just fine.

Cheers Nydj that's exactly what I was getting at.

funnyperson I'm sorry but I don't see why you are making those assumptions, have you actually read the thread, OP was a publican, as were her parents, the pub she is going to is basically her friends home, it is where her DD's friends are. Do you not visit friends at Christmas. Do you not think that OP knows exactly what will be happening in the pub that day and can judge if it is appropriate for her child. And as for her DH working until 3am, so will many others or maybe the whole night shift.

Back to the actual issue CWKeith I really hope you and DH can find a solution to this that works.

I knew I'd be judged for the pub thing. It's not a wetherspoons in the high street, it is a very lovely country inn that turned an entire bar into santas grotto on Sunday, and gave out over 100 presents free of charge to the village kids.

Anyway. Dd is now not going, dh is taking mil and they will meet us in the pub after. that should ensure she doesn't delay too long Problem solved.

Glad to hear it. I hope you have a lovely day.

Good. Hope you have a lovely day Keith.

funnyperson, it will be just like an episode of Shameless. Only much worse. Shameless, the Christmas Special.

I was already going to say YANBU and of course a 4 year old should be at home Christmas morning, not traipsing around in a car to visit a grave, then I read your back story (I was already aware of the whole wedding debacle) and thought you should tell the lot of them to fuck right off tbh.

The pub sounds great! I'm not a pub person as our locals are all pretty rough but yours sounds amazing.

Blu. Really?

They're roasting chestnuts, giving out free mulled wine and the church choir are carolling for the local hospice at 2pmzzzz

For the record OP I'd say your day sounds lovely and I see nothing wrong with taking kids to a pub.

When I was a kid in the 1960s my parents used to pop into a neighborhood bar on a Sunday afternoon, as did other families - we kids would play around with the jukebox, the pool (billiards) table, eat chips, dance on the deserted "dance floor" which usually was about two feet square and otherwise amuse ourselves. I remember one bar that was in an old early 1900s wooden house in Chicago; it had a potbelly stove and red/white checked tablecloths and its specialty was fried frogs legs! (not that we ever had those). Those friendly old bars used to string Christmas lights and tinsel up and were very homey. I am sure you and your family will have a great time at the modern version.

Sorry CatThief, I was being sarcastic to funny as 'and a pub involved too' sounded SO catsbummy. Your Christmas sounds lovely: social, friendly, warm.

I laughed out loud at "And a pub involved." That's right! A p-u-b!

Glad you've got it sorted CTKeith, pub sounds lovely and cosy.
Hope you all have a fab day 🍻🌲🎁

I want a local pub like that have a great day

Oh I am envious of your day! Have a good one, fun, warmth, laughter, mulled wine, carols, kids, friends.......

Just wanted to let let you all know that mil is wasted. She had a lovely time at the pub and wants to go back tonight so is staying after all. If she doesn't pass out first!

LOL.

Ssssshhhplendid (hic) 🍾

We dh had to bring mil home and put her to bed! Best Christmas ever. Sil is going to go mad when mil turns up hanging out of her arse for buffet tomorrow!

Am a bit judgey about taking a 4 yo to the boozer on Xmas day

That's nice Dolly.

Dd had a 2 hour nap this afternoon, and spent the evening playing pie face and watching films with her friends in the snug bar. She had a lovely time, and enjoyed the tequila shots immensely.

Chin chin.