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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think blocking and deleting me is stupid

187 replies

trafficlightschanging · 18/12/2015 15:38

An old friend has deleted me and blocked me from Facebook!

Context is - she changed her profile picture and I commented it reminded me of a time at university. Went to message her later and she'd gone! I logged in as my sister and she's still on Facebook but I've been removed as a friend and blocked.

I've asked her and she says I'm always going on about university and she finds it embarrassing?

OP posts:

catfordbetty · 19/12/2015 16:02

Now, I am content and secure in myself, happy, calm and have a great life

If that were true she would be able to cope with a few pretty innocuous remarks from the OP.

CoteDAzur · 19/12/2015 16:04

It can all very well be true, and she may just have had enough of OP posting stuff about her past mistakes on FB, from back when she was at uni.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/12/2015 16:09

You absolutely knew that she didn't want you to talk about uni. You said as much yourself in the first pages of the thread, before her message. You knew, but you ignored it because you wanted to talk about uni, and it's all you have in common with her.

She doesn't want to talk about it. She's been putting up with this for over two years, according to your last post. She's given up.

Let this die. Take it as a painful reminder that friendships can be fragile and if you ignore the cues, you're likely to lose the friend. It will stop hurting, soon.

Original poster

trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 16:17

Excuse me, she never once said 'do not talk to me about uni!'

OP posts:

nanetterose · 19/12/2015 16:20

Your friend has reinvented herself. Maybe on purpose or naturally by the passing of years.

In her case I'd have hidden you. I wouldn't have blocked you -that (in my opinion) is just as silly.

As adults we need to show kindness and understanding for quirks in others.

Yes, you've been annoying...But like all of us human

Move on now. It isn't a great loss really. Concentrate on something else.

for you.
and for your old friend. :)

Gruntfuttock · 19/12/2015 16:21

Your post @ Fri 18-Dec-15 17:01:41 says differently.

Original poster

trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 16:23

No, it doesn't

OP posts:

catfordbetty · 19/12/2015 16:24

Well, OP, contrary to the majority here, I don't think you've done much wrong. In your place I'd gladly let this friendship go - I think she sounds neurotic.

Mince314 · 19/12/2015 16:25

Don't let it upset you. If you see her again, don't mention her deleting you. Just chat normally and ask about stuff that's going on now. Deleting you was probably borne out of knee-jerk frustration rather than a jury of 12 in her head finding you an unfit friend.

My school friends (going back a bit further here!) mock and tease me about being stroppy and talking back to the teachers, but my perspective is that the teachers were always on my case about NOTHING and I couldn't do right whereas they were all in the teachers' good books. So the perspective of people you're overall very fond of can differ from your own perspective. hth

AlmaMartyr · 19/12/2015 16:31

I can see why this must have taken you by surprise and why it might be upsetting but I don't think your friend is unreasonable. It sounds like she's mentioned it before and you've not listened to her. I have loads of friends from my school days and from Uni, most of those relationships have moved on and we rarely talk about the past. Some of those friends do have slightly embarrassing pasts and it never gets discussed because it was 15 years ago and we've all grown up.

I do have one friend who's on Facebook but I haven't seen her for some years. She doesn't know who I am these days at all really. Any contact with her involves her going on about me being irresponsible etc, it is so annoying. I never actually was especially irresponsible (a very boring teenager and student in fact!) so it was irritating then and it's irritating now. I don't particularly want everyone on my FB to be aware of my schoolgirl crushes either. Luckily it's rare so it is rarely a problem but if it was frequent then I would probably delete her too.

timelytess · 19/12/2015 16:37

You don't like her. You aren't nice to her. You embarrass her in public. She doesn't want to know you. I don't blame her. Please let her live her life in peace, without you.

tthisisgettingboring · 19/12/2015 16:59

I would hate someone banging on about my past esp to other maybe newer friends.

Not sure about it being about reinventing yourself, I think we all evolve and change and stuff in the past can be at best irrelevant and at worst highly embarrassing.

IrenetheQuaint · 19/12/2015 17:03

I would have found your behaviour annoying too.

Worth thinking about whether you're picking up other people's signals, as most people will try the subtle approach first and only be frank when they've exhausted everything else, by which point it is often too late to save the friendship.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 19/12/2015 17:52

FWIW, OP, I think her reaction is bizarre. It's perfectly normal to reminisce with friends - within reason - and we have no real time frame for the comments you've made (but her message referring to your actions from 2 years ago suggests they're not all that frequent). A handful of comments, over a few years (8 if you've been friends on facebook since 2007) is hardly constantly harking on about the past. They're not exactly embarrassing posts either - breaking a phone or dying a t-shirt isn't like bringing up the time she got caught shagging by your course director in the library is it? She's projecting her issues about that time in her life onto you and doesn't seem to be able to cope with any reminder of it. I find it a bit odd that so many posters on here would be so disturbed to be reminded of their days at University too - but maybe that's because I've never done anything I massively regret, and like you, I remained a student beyond an undergraduate degree.

That said, I would consider it her issue and leave her to it. She's certainly making you out to be caught in the past and not meeting her standards in the present, so she's no longer a friend. And after this length of time, that's absolutely fine.

LaLyra · 19/12/2015 18:19

i think it sounds very likely she has asked you several times not to mention uni, but you've not actually heard her.

She doesn't want to read comments that take her back to a horrible time in her life. That's up to her. The fact that she's explained that to you and you are still more interested in being offended than the fact that you have upset her says that you probably aren't really friends imo.

ReginaBlitz · 19/12/2015 20:44

Don't worry about it. Sorry but the past is what made your friendship with the person if she is being petty and stuck up on things fuck her.

AlanPacino · 19/12/2015 20:47

Ignore the professional frothers OP. As for someone telling you you need to take a good look at yourself, jaysus, you tried to have a bit of banter, you didn't sleep with her husband. Happy Christmas OP!

WaitrosePigeon · 19/12/2015 21:28

You sound really irritating.

Original poster

trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 21:33

Thanks for your answers. I don't see her often and actually the last time I saw her was at the birthday event but we kept in touch yes, on the dreaded Facebook and I have always valued her and so, I don't know, I just feel sad it's ended like this but I do understand she's reinvented herself.

OP posts:

AliceScarlett · 19/12/2015 21:56

I'd feel sad too. It's hard to let go of friendships, expeditions when they end with a msg like that.

I don't really think you have done anything wrong, I think she is reminded of her more difficult times when you remind her of events around that time and she is reacting to that.

I don't think it says anything about you as a person.

AliceScarlett · 19/12/2015 21:56

*especially when

blobbityblob · 19/12/2015 23:24

I think sometimes people want to create an image on fb and blasts from the past give things away. It is sad when an old friend treats you like this. But I agree with a previous poster, it's more about her than you.

tthisisgettingboring · 20/12/2015 03:08

I still don't necessarily think it's a case of reinventing herself, just growing up and moving on. Crikey if I look back at my 20 year old self 30 years later I just cringe! I wouldn't be best pleased with anyone mentioning it on FB or RL.

Moonriver1 · 20/12/2015 10:59

I don't even think it's necessarily about her growing up and moving on...OP just irritated the shit out of her!

It's annoying when people bang on about the same things, whatever they are, especially if they are not funny, not relevant or you suspect that person may be having a dig/taking the piss.

The woman felt the need to have to explain herself since OP put her on the spot and probably spared OP's feelings by not saying 'I couldn't tolerate your intensely cringey comments FFS!"

Branleuse · 20/12/2015 11:10

She doesnt like you anymore. You have said too many things that have irritated her. That doesnt make you a bad person, or her. Move on

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