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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think blocking and deleting me is stupid

187 replies

trafficlightschanging · 18/12/2015 15:38

An old friend has deleted me and blocked me from Facebook!

Context is - she changed her profile picture and I commented it reminded me of a time at university. Went to message her later and she'd gone! I logged in as my sister and she's still on Facebook but I've been removed as a friend and blocked.

I've asked her and she says I'm always going on about university and she finds it embarrassing?

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 19/12/2015 11:40

Oh OP. I do understand why you feel a bit blindsided. However she has given you the courtesy of an explanation. She has her reasons and now you know. Onwards and upwards!

Justawaterformeplease · 19/12/2015 11:41

That's actually a very honest response. Take her at her word, keep being friends with her, just STFU about uni.

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 11:42

She really doesn't want to be friends with me: she made that clear in the email saying that she 'wished me well' and some other patronising comments.

OP posts:
diddl · 19/12/2015 11:42

It sounds as if she has tried to say something & you took no notice.

I think it's odd to mention uni in connection with a photo not about uni, when she has already asked you not to keep talking about uni.

If you want to stay friends I think that you can only apologise for not getting the hint.

Hatethis22 · 19/12/2015 11:43

I meant that she did want to be friends with you. You now as opposed to the teenaged you.

InTheBox · 19/12/2015 11:44

It doesn't strike me as though you've been particularly close over the years so why do you feel so dejected? People move on and leave the past behind them all the time.

decobwebbing · 19/12/2015 11:46

Sorry, cross-posted.

Although it is upsetting that she blocked you, it does sound like she values you and still wants you to be friends. She has taken the time to write you a really thoughtful message explaining why she was upset (and it does sound like it has been building up for a long time). If you are able to, possibly you could work towards re-establishing a friendship based on who you both are now (and discovering new things you might have in common)?

Epilepsyhelp · 19/12/2015 11:47

You said 'well that's tough' earlier when referencing that she didn't want you to mention uni. Of course she's given up on you if that's your attitude. Who cares where you met, it's what you're both doing now that's obviously relevant to her and if you were a real friend you would have recognised that from her previous indications and just left the past in the past.

It's very easy to do. I have friends from uni as well as from school and later from work places. I sometimes forget which ones I met where because now they're just my friends, the people they are now, not a collection of memories.

Trills · 19/12/2015 11:47

You clearly think you are better friends than you really are.

Sallystyle · 19/12/2015 11:48

I never understand why people say FB isn't real life.

Im pretty sure my friends on there are all real. Hmm

OP, I think she has been pretty clear about it all now and I can see her point. She probably has giving you many hints which you didn't pick up on. After her reply to your phone status comment it was obvious then that she didn't want to be reminded about uni but you then went on and made a comment about her profile picture reminding you of uni. You didn't get the hint, she didn't want to hurt you so thought blocking and removing you was the best way to go about it.

The friendship has run its course. That is always sad and hard to deal with Thanks

TurnipCake · 19/12/2015 11:53

Think it's time for you to move on, OP.

She has taken the time and given you an explantation and having experienced what she has been through, I can understand her actions.

You may think it's very extreme, but having had to distance myself from relatives who kept bringing up unfunny stories about how they bullied teased me as a child, it's very upsetting and frustrating when people keep doing it again and again.

She wishes you well and has given you a explanation, sometimes friendships run their course, I don't think either of you are bad people it's just what happens.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 19/12/2015 11:55

I think that's the point a lot of people have made the points she's making that things that happened 13 years ago aren't relivent To now to which you said tough it's what we have in common.

The thing is the other women she's still friends with probably realised a long time ago uni wasn't something she wanted to talk about and prehaps their not friends because they went I uni with you both but because they've opened communication about things that are relevant to 2015 and the fact they went to uni together 13 years ago is more of a coincidence than the main topic of conversation.

She did respond to the phone comment and tbh I went to a boarding college which I finished 7 years ago and I still live in the town it's based in I wouldn't remeber little things like my friend dropping their phone or dying their top. So I do think your being a little obsessive about uni. And yes it was a major part of your life but was it the only part of it.

Maybe drop her an email and appogise and say I thought you wanted to talk about uni because it was an experience you shared, tell her a littke about your job now something funny that happened, that wasn't uni based she may well come back to you and go oh that happened to me the other day or my child did this. Just try and move the conversation away from uni. If it really is all you can talk about maybe the friendship has run its course.
Here's a question do you have friends that weren't at uni with you? What do you talk to them about? Maybe talk to her about those things.

Moonriver1 · 19/12/2015 11:56

Do you know what, you are really not coming over very well.

Your friend (or ex friend) has been honest about having a very unhappy time at university and your entire responses has been 'that's me told' 'why did she delete me though'.

You have obviously been endlessly insensitive for too long.

FATEdestiny · 19/12/2015 11:57

Sorry to intrude, but how do you know someone has blocked you (I'm new to Facebook)?

I understand that you would know you have been 'unfriended' if the person vanishes from your friends list.

I understand that to unfollow someone means you stop getting their posts in your feed (is that right?)

But how would you know if you've been blocked?

I am worried because a friend of mine started doing one of these pyramid recruitment selling things, so on one of her posts I clicked a button that said something like 'see less if this kind of post'. I didn't mean to offend her and have no problem with her personal/ family updates - just didn't want her selling to me. Have I made a massive social media faux pas?

Trills · 19/12/2015 11:58

She certainly could have tried explaining to you BEFORE blocking you, to see if you could refrain from talking about things that made her unhappy.

It sounds as if she thinks that, without reminiscences of uni, you have nothing else left in common.

Moonriver1 · 19/12/2015 11:58

Blimey I really wouldn't take Naught's advice! Don't email her or contact her - just leave it now.

TheWitTank · 19/12/2015 12:03

Just leave it. She doesn't want to be friends. There is nothing you can do about that, move on and enjoy your current friends. Emailing or messaging her comes across as a bit stalker like and obsessed and isn't going to change anything other than to make her pissed off with you.

Ackvavit · 19/12/2015 12:03

I've read the thread and can see both points of view. I have distanced myself and now cut off contact to an extent a friendship with someone who knew me in my wilder days. I was young and enjoyed a good party. I got really weary that every time we met up in whatever circumstances she and her DH constantly talked about me at such and such a party etc. It made me sound like a right lush. Perhaps to them I was but looking back I just enjoyed myself whereas they were wallflowers who lurked in the corner, obviously totally judging me! As we grew up and moved on my life calmed down naturally and I have been this me much longer than the "party Ackvavit". I've progressed career wise and done loads of really interesting things, but even at a funeral of a friend they stood around recounting parties I've long since forgotten almost mocking me and loading everything with ininsuations about me being a party animal in a negative way. 20 years ago I was. 20 years on I'd like them to point out the other things I've done but that would make them look dull.So there are 2 sides to everything.

timelytess · 19/12/2015 12:06

Let it go.

sonjadog · 19/12/2015 12:12

Just leave it now. And if she does turn up again, don't mention uni!

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 19/12/2015 12:37

She's given you a very honest explanation of why she's blocked you but you don't seem interested in her point of view. Aren't you mortified to be told you caused embarrassment at a party? I would be.

cleaty · 19/12/2015 12:47

You say University doesn't seem that long ago to you. At your age University seemed like a different life to me, as I had done so much since then.

Are you making the most of your own life?

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 12:57

I am very upset that I was embarrassing at a restaurant as I had no idea.

I work at the university we attended and have either been studying there or working there since she and I graduated (as undergraduates.)

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 19/12/2015 13:15

If you really wanted to make amends you could send her a very nice Christmas card with a message re you being sorry.

But the thing is it seems here as if you don't really see her POV or see why you've been tactless with her via social media. I myself have been accused of being tactless in the past (quite true) but you should really take a long hard look at yourself and your actions.

In her message to you she's explained and seems quite rational and not unkind, she just doesn't want to relive that time. I'd be mightily pisssed off if a friend of mine especially close one did as you did if it had affected me that much and though I may not defriend or block I'd certainly limit my interactions with them.

cleaty · 19/12/2015 13:17

If you are still at the same university, that makes more sense. Most people don't feel like you though. University is only for 3 years, it is a very short time, and for most soon fades.

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