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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think blocking and deleting me is stupid

187 replies

trafficlightschanging · 18/12/2015 15:38

An old friend has deleted me and blocked me from Facebook!

Context is - she changed her profile picture and I commented it reminded me of a time at university. Went to message her later and she'd gone! I logged in as my sister and she's still on Facebook but I've been removed as a friend and blocked.

I've asked her and she says I'm always going on about university and she finds it embarrassing?

OP posts:
Moonriver1 · 18/12/2015 22:57

So Mumsnet is absolutely full of 'delete her' 'block her' 'life's too short' if posters post on here about people saying irritating things on FB.

When it's the other way round the deleter is thought to be cruel and outrageously rude by the majority?

Clearly OP still thinks of this person as a friend, this person doesn't feel the same anymore. She's an acquaintance that has mentioned university three times, that we know of, when university was 13 years ago. No it's not the crime of the century but it's a bit cringey and a bit clingy sounding tbh.

I think we are all adults and we can choose to be friends with who we like in RL or on the dreaded and rather awful FB.

Puffpastry1 · 18/12/2015 22:59

Maybe you live in the past a bit? Not sure I'd want someone to continually tell me I did stupid things at uni.

Moonriver1 · 18/12/2015 23:00

Well maybe not the majority just seen last page's responses!

Hatethis22 · 18/12/2015 23:00

The fact that you've seen her several times since you left uni would suggest that she does like you. She probably just wants you to have a friendship with her, not the person she was 13 years ago.

Sallyingforth · 18/12/2015 23:01

It's only FB, not real life.
Time to move on.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 18/12/2015 23:04

Someone I knew at uni and have seen a couple of times since tagged me and several others in a post about a memory of uni recently. I am only connected to two of the many people tagged in the post and it took me a while to cotton onto what she was referring to. It was fine but my memories of uni are insignificant and totally unrelated to my life now. It would get on my nerves, tbh, if a former friend couldn't adjust to a new context.

SuperFlyHigh · 18/12/2015 23:19

You could try not going on about uni and your lives there and see if that makes a difference.

I made contact with a close friend who I'd not seen for years early this summer, she was meant to come down for the day with her DH and the kids but I forgot to make plans. I texted her recently and she sent a Xmas card saying the kids were now old enough to come to London where I live but to be honest she's more a mum person now I don't have kids!

Mince314 · 18/12/2015 23:37

That's embarrassing but dont toture yourself overthinking it.

A friend i love dearly overdoes the reminiscing with one mutual friend. They went to germany togethet and (imo) she mentions it a disproportionately high amount of times. There were other summers!
I wasnt annoyed by it tho until she deletd a comment of mine!!

no73 · 18/12/2015 23:42

I think that of someone kept commenting about the negative things I have done in my life I would probably delete them too, especially as it seems she has already let you know that she doesn't like it.

It's really annoying having people bring up stuff you did years and years ago.

AbbyCadabra · 18/12/2015 23:50

Couldn't agree more with no. I have a 'friend' of over twenty years who constantly brings up old stuff, usually in a disparaging but supposedly jokey way. With my other friends she tries to imply that she knows me better than they do and we are much closer than we really are. Irritates me no end.

LovelyFriend · 19/12/2015 07:53

Some people seem intent on living in the past and others not so much.

She just got tired if your constant references to her long ago uni years on fb. Maybe you don't bring much else. I would probably feel the same and many others on this thread has indicated they would too.

It's great we are able to control our own fb.

LovelyFriend · 19/12/2015 07:54

And you think she is stupid. So it's no loss for anyone is it?

ReginaBlitz · 19/12/2015 09:10

Fuck her she sounds like a miserable bitch. People have posted pics on fb of me back in the day, could I give a shit no! She sounds stuck up.

honeyroar · 19/12/2015 11:21

It sounds as though things you thought were jokey remarks came across as annoying to her and you didn't pick up on it when she replied. It must have got more and more irritating to her and whatever you wrote last was the final straw. Searching her out through your sister's account probably hugely reinforces her opinion of you. (Not saying she is right or wrong, I haven't seen your comments over the years, just saying what I imagine happened).

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 11:28

This is what she has said:

I realise you may not have known at the time, as obviously we were very young, but university was quite an unhappy time for me. That isn't a problem at all now, because as soon as I left I started to become happier than I had ever thought possible.

I just find that whenever you communicate with me you insist on bringing up things that happened years and years ago as if they only happened last month. It's embarrassing because I often have genuinely no idea what you mean and have to think hard and then when I do it's something insignificant. So I dropped my phone in 2001 - why is that relevant in 2014? I dyed a top pink in the year 2000; is that important in 2015? I didn't say so at the time because I didn't want to be unkind, but you really caused a great deal of embarrassment at my birthday dinner because it was as if you were talking to and about someone who didn't exist any more and hadn't for a long time.

Then, I was insecure, unhappy, anxious and lonely. Now, I am content and secure in myself, happy, calm and have a great life. I wanted you to be part of that but I don't think you see me as I am now and I don't think you ever will and I found it not only embarrassing but also upsetting to have constant reminders of a difficult time on social media.

Sad that's me told!

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 19/12/2015 11:31

Can't you see her point of view, OP?

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 11:32

I can, but I'm still upset she didn't say anything and just deleted me.

OP posts:
InTheBox · 19/12/2015 11:33

Time to move on then. I would also find it annoying and embarrassing if someone kept on about my uni days. I was a totally different person then. I'm not saying you haven't also grown since then but it seems she's put the past behind her.

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 11:34

She's friends with other women we were at university with, though, and so she obviously doesn't mind being reminded of a difficult time with them Sad

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 19/12/2015 11:36

Well maybe the other women are living in the present and are interested in talking about what's going on in their lives at the moment, rather than 13 years ago.

honeyroar · 19/12/2015 11:36

The others have perhaps evolved as friends and talk about current day, not the past?

InTheBox · 19/12/2015 11:37

But maybe they don't go on about those days. I'm friends with a handful of people I went to uni with but we don't talk about that time when I dyed a pink top or smashed my phone or whatever..

decobwebbing · 19/12/2015 11:37

I think it is really important for people to have the option of changing and developing through life - and to feel they have this option.

Sometimes family and friends say things which refer to the way you were/behaved a significant amount of time ago, which is not necessarily the way you are/behave now. This might be out of fondness, or it might be because they feel disconnected from who you are now, or it might be because at some level they feel threatened or resentful of the change. Think of all the posts on here about people trapped in family roles, or who have their weight loss sabotaged, etc.

So if your friend has made an effort to be perceived as more organised and together, for example, she might not want you posting things about her breaking phones 13+ years ago - especially if it is really not characteristic of her now.

If you like her, perhaps worth getting to know her a bit better as she is now?

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 11:37

I just don't understand why she wouldn't say something, the birthday she refers to was 2 years ago now.

OP posts:
Hatethis22 · 19/12/2015 11:40

I think you probably missed a lot of subtle and not so subtle cues. She did react when you commented on her phone.

If you have an email address I'd send one last message saying you are sorry for bringing back memories of an unhappy time for her and that you genuinely had no idea that you were upsetting her. That you're glad she's happy in her life now and that you never meant to cause her any embarrassment or sadness.

What a shame. It does sound like she genuinely wanted to have a friendship with you.