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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think blocking and deleting me is stupid

187 replies

trafficlightschanging · 18/12/2015 15:38

An old friend has deleted me and blocked me from Facebook!

Context is - she changed her profile picture and I commented it reminded me of a time at university. Went to message her later and she'd gone! I logged in as my sister and she's still on Facebook but I've been removed as a friend and blocked.

I've asked her and she says I'm always going on about university and she finds it embarrassing?

OP posts:
chainsawgrip · 19/12/2015 13:20

I am baffled why you think someone should remain friends with you, or to have any contact with you if she doesn't want to. She doesn't have to justify her reasons, you can't force someone to remain friends. I am sure you have other friends so there's no need to cling on to this one.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 19/12/2015 13:28

I'm always taken aback by people who post other people's correspondence to them verbatim on a public forum. The fact they don't see how horrible it is gives a good indication to their nature. It's not the action of a proper friend to discuss their "friends" and invite opinions on them, including their private correspondence from strangers.

You're one of those people that just transmits and transmits and doesn't receive, it seems. I would learn from this, if you can.

AlanPacino · 19/12/2015 13:39

I hide people who irritate me so they have no idea. If someone asked me if/why I had hid them I would claim ignorance and feign confusion. It was ridiculous for her to be brutally honest about something so small and minor.

AlanPacino · 19/12/2015 13:46

Just read her message to you. It seems like she has a lot of stuff going on and you got caught up in it. She obviously has very difficult feelings about her time at uni and even seemingly innocuous comments will not be received well. In your situation I would apologise about any offence caused and that you certainly didn't mean it and wish her well. I suspect she may cringe about her behaviour towards you a bit later on when she has more perspective. I don't think you should be feeling bad, people are complicated and it's just one of those things. It's her, not you.

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 13:50

Thanks Alan - just an overreaction then

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 19/12/2015 13:57

I agree with you 100% PurpleHairAndPearls.

JOEYDOESNTSHAREFOOD · 19/12/2015 14:03

I agree with the PPs who said you aren't coming across very well - increasingly selfish.

I also can't believe you've posted such detail. If she didn't think you were a prat before, she probably will if she reads it!

annielouisa · 19/12/2015 14:08

I think the poor woman suffered in silence for so long and then had enough. You obviously had a great time at university for her it was experience she would rather forget. The thing I find sad is you seemed to be clinging to the past.

Why do your anecdotes always have to be about your life at UNI and it seems the ones related to her try to paint her as socially inept? Perhaps the life that followed university for you did not live up to the days so you cling on and try to keep a time well over a decade ago alive. You ruined a friendship by your inability to move on. You were not just tagging her in random photos but raking up embarrassing memories about her and a time she hated.

Original poster
trafficlightschanging · 19/12/2015 14:20

How is breaking a phone or dying a top painting someone as socially inept?

OP posts:
Moonriver1 · 19/12/2015 14:26

If you can't see that especially in light of her response to you that was absolutely clear she felt uncomfortable and alienated at university, the please please leave this woman alone.

You are like a dog with a bone and insensitive to boot.

CherryPits · 19/12/2015 14:28

Leave her alone I think, best bet.

Sometimes FB "friends" are better when silent.

SuperFlyHigh · 19/12/2015 14:39

If she dropped her phone (could be drunken) or dyed her top (accident, scatty etc) then she perceives this as not relevant and particularly if this reflects on her behaviour back then.

You obviously don't see it as important or not important enough to bring it back up on social media and possibly to poke fun at this friend. You wouldn't bring it up if it upset her (or maybe you would).

The main point is she finds this distressing and feels she has moved in and whatever hints she's dropping you're not getting them...

She also tells you quite clearly that she finds these memories insignificant and hard to recall yet you don't...

Come on be honest if you were in her shoes would you like your past raked up??

BackInTheRealWorld · 19/12/2015 14:41

Gosh you are very hard work. Can't you just accept that she didn't like you constantly dragging up the past. It's done, learn from it, move on.

Dickbumdick · 19/12/2015 14:57

Yabu - I'd delete you too, you sound like a right royal pain in the arse. Why can't you accept that some people move their lives forward and to your friend there maybe were no 'good old days'. You actually don't seem to give a crap about her feelings. Amazing Hmm

steff13 · 19/12/2015 15:02

just an overreaction then

Multiple posters have tried to explain what her thoughts might be, and one person says it is probably an overreaction, and that's what you latch onto?

captainproton · 19/12/2015 15:04

I'm sorry OP but dropping a phone and dying a top are pretty unremarkable events in a persons life. Even if there was some slight comedy twist to it that you re-enacted in the union bar a couple of nights later, doesn't really make it something you would drag up over a decade later.

I hate to break it to you but I bet you are the only person who still finds it hilarious. You seem a bit immature, You are incapable of reading her email and empathising with her, and are totally focused on your own feelings. I think you are one of life's eternal students, And for some reason living in the past as though they were the best days of your life. In all seriousness Are you happy? I detect perhaps you are a bit lonely?

Gruntfuttock · 19/12/2015 15:05

steff13 that's so telling, isn't it?

steff13 · 19/12/2015 15:12

Indeed, Gruntfuttock.

bittapitta · 19/12/2015 15:14

How is breaking a phone or dying a top painting someone as socially inept?
Because bringing it up 15(!) years later makes it seem like you think it's still a relevant part of her personality and how you see her now. Friends she has made since uni will see your comments on her photos on FB. You are clinging to the past.

If my friends brought up stuff from 15 years ago (when I was in early secondary school!) and presented it to me as a fond memory and part of my current personality, I wouldn't be happy. Move on OP, move on.

TurnipCake · 19/12/2015 15:18

To be honest OP, judging by the way you're behaving in this thread, I'm surprised she didn't part ways sooner

GlitteryRollers · 19/12/2015 15:26

Surely its perfectly normal to reminisce with old friends though? I think she sounds little bit oversensitive myself. How was the OP to know that univeristy was unhappy time for her, if she didn't telllthe OP?

Devilishpyjamas · 19/12/2015 15:28

I don't understand why she didn't just unfollow you (I've only been blocked by one person - but I picked her up on some frankly appalling behaviour towards a friebd so I'm hardly bothered). Given all that she's said I would just send a reply saying you're sorry you reminded her of bad times, it wasn't your intention to upset her & then leave it. She clearly has her own issues which you were not aware of, now you know you can apologise for unintentional upset & then move on.

CoteDAzur · 19/12/2015 15:33

"I don't understand why she didn't just unfollow you"

That would be because unfollowing someone doesn't stop that person from seeing your posts and commenting on them.

Queenbean · 19/12/2015 15:37

I get this. You do sound annoying.

You don't have anything in common anymore and you're not friends. Why would she keep you on there?

BipBippadotta · 19/12/2015 15:48

Whether or not you think your friend was being oversensitive, it seems she's now been very clear that you're irritating her, and you can't seem to respect that or leave it alone. Nor can you respect her privacy.

She is under no obligation to be your friend, or justify her decision to unfriend you. Your hounding her about it is very unlikely to change her mind and win her over.

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