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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To msg a school Mum I don't know

415 replies

Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 06:27

Regarding her posting a video of the school carol service on FB?

She has tagged in one of my friends so it's come up on my news feed. I'm shocked as it shows loads of them. Probably can't see mine but only because they were hidden.

I was thinking a gentle do you know it's totally unacceptable?

Or email the class rep so a blanket email goes out to all classes via the class reps?

Or contact the school and let them deal with it?

OP posts:
jellycake · 18/12/2015 10:11

What Fanny said...
This is a safeguarding issue and, as parents, you will not know which children have child protection issues (nor should you.) However, you do know that posting videos of children not your own on social media is unacceptable and should not do it. End of.

teacherwith2kids · 18/12/2015 10:13

[Imagines Tal's reaction at a school I taught in - several very vulnerable children - where after several breaches which caused the school to be exceptionally busy with police for a long time and endangered lives, we actually collected in phones and cameras at the start of the nativity (most parents just left their at home). Luckily the parents were very on board and sympathetic - one more distant relative who got his phone out during the performance almost had a whole row of other parents landing on him....]

HelloItsMeAgain · 18/12/2015 10:18

Tali why do you think parents/carers may object to photos/videos of their children being posted on social media? Do you think it is just because they don't like unedited images of Tarquin and Jocasta on line? Or because their may be a big bad paedophile getting off on pictures of 7 year olds dressed as Shepherds (probably very unlikely)? And you think that is precious and paranoid?

Think really hard about why some children's location may be best "hidden". Think really hard. It is not about the above. At all.

It is about keeping children who have had a tough life safe from people who made their life tough. Parents who have abused them. Parents who have been deemed unsuitable to care for them. Parents who will try and track them down (using carelessly posted pictures on social media).

No-one has the right to over-ride those children's safety. No-one. No-one (apart from the staff who need to know) may know about those children's background. May not even know if they are in care. Or living with one parent in fear of an abusive ex trying to find them. So all schools and all parents should respect other children's privacy. Because you do not know.

If you cannot see this then please reconsider your career choice.

Boomingmarvellous · 18/12/2015 10:22

Several friends have put up pictures or their (and other children) at carol services etc on FB. It doesn't really bother me.

I suppose if it's your child shown then you have the right to be upset and contact the mum, but as they are not, just mention it to the school only.

Bit torn on this one as it does feel uncomfortable to know there are images on the web of your children but also feels a bit precious.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackiebrambles · 18/12/2015 10:25

The unspoken rule of the school needs to become spoken! Not acceptable. I'd contact the school.

PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 10:28

Why precious boom?

second time this word on this thread has been used to describe someone who is acting with common sense in regards to vulnerable children

3littlebadgers · 18/12/2015 10:39

And another thing. The abused friend I mentioned up thread, the one who had had to move a three further times in a year to escape her abusive ex. The last time he tracked them down, and she had to uproot the children yet again, she actually wondered if she would have been better of staying with him, than put the children through these constant moves and disruption and the fear of being found. That is how badly it has destroyed her. Most of us couldn't even imagine living in a world where sharing a house with a man that you were convinced would kill you or the kids any minute, would be better than living the life you now lead. All she wants is for her kids to be happy and safe.

By taking pictures of children, who are not your own, and sharing them online, you could be putting a in this Situation. Precious indeed! I'd love to see how precious you'd be when being hunted down by someone who wants to harm you and your kids.

Euripidesralph · 18/12/2015 10:41

Tali firstly I mind very much if someone who frankly isn't me shares pictures of my boys..... its unsafe because I have no idea who is on their list

And sweetie I'm not paranoid.... I've just spent a very long time working with people who have needed to run with their children and keep them safe for a variety of reasons

I also worked with the visor team for a long time and it's not paranoid it's bloody sensible... because you know those "unbelievable wouldn't happen in the real world " stories? They do bloody well happen more often than your narrow minded brain could comprehend

Your attitude if you are working with vulnerable children sucks beyond belief.... Please rethink your line of work

OP I would report it.... I do put my boys on social media but on mine and it's locked down beyond belief.... I find in rude and arrogant of her to post other people's children

Timri · 18/12/2015 10:42

Unspoken rules, not worth the paper their printed on.....

Timri · 18/12/2015 10:42

*they're

Kryptonite · 18/12/2015 10:47

No safeguarding issues at all here, but I can totally see where some posters are coming from.
Safeguarding issues aside though, what on earth gives any parent the right to upload images of OTHER PARENT'S children without their permission?!
If you post a picture of the nativity, and tag several friends in it, all the people in the friends list of those you have tagged will see the video as well. That's a hell of a huge potential audience for the video that will run well into the hundreds, possibly thousands.
Why would you presume that everybody is happy with complete and utter strangers they've never met watching their vid/looking at the photos?
It's so unbelievably rude and selfish.

I'm a big FB user, and post pictures of my own kids sometimes. I'd never dream of uploading pictures of other children as well, it's just not my call to make.
Some people are so self absorbed they can't see past what's important to THEM, and stuff everybody else.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 18/12/2015 10:48

Bit torn on this one as it does feel uncomfortable to know there are images on the web of your children but also feels a bit precious.

Yes, the lives of my children and my life are rather precious to me Confused

Nottodaythankyouorever · 18/12/2015 10:48

My DSis is a foster carer. Two of the children she has now are in foster care because their 'mother' repeatedly abused them.

She isn't allowed to know where they are or contact them.

Can you imagine what would happen if she saw them in one of these videos.

There are children who are safeguarded for a reason!

Timri · 18/12/2015 10:55

In my experience, when there is a safeguarding issues, schools really enforce it. There is a safeguarding issue in dc2 year group, you can tell.
Same school, dc1 year group got generic 'no posting other DC on social media without parents permission', dc2 year group got 'NO posting on social media under any circumstances, due to safeguarding issues'.
I think it would be better if there was parity, same rules all the time, as it made it obvious and could cause gossiping over who it is

TeenAndTween · 18/12/2015 10:56

Someone way upthread said Our school posts videos and photos of the DCs on fb all the time. Obviously there aren't any safeguarding issues.

The thing is, the school knows who it can show and who it can't.

Our school posts pictures regularly too. Just none of them ever happen to include my DD. Other parents wouldn't notice this though.

Pictures of the school Christmas productions appear in the local papers. But a number of children are not included. They are whisked off before the photographer takes his pictures.

teacherwith2kids · 18/12/2015 11:04

Exactly, T&T. As a school, we know exactly who can (and cannot) appear in what form, and manage this actively when photographs are taken, put in local paper, published on website etc. However a random parent taking photographs at a random time would be unaware, and could easily put children at risk.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 18/12/2015 11:05

Can I also tell you all that anyone can copy your photos and then do whatever they want with it? Like circulate them on twitter for example. A teen in my street had a photo of her drunk go viral, she has no idea who started it.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 18/12/2015 11:06

Teen I meant there aren't any safeguarding issues in the junior school at our school atm. (It's relatively small. You can see all the DCs in the pics). That doesn't mean there aren't any safeguarding issues in the high school and it doesn't mean that situation won't change because obviously both of those points are true.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Timri · 18/12/2015 11:14

I'm assuming that everyone had to sign consent forms when their DC started, ticking/not ticking the box that said 'I am happy for my child to be photographed'
'I am happy for images of my child to appear on school website' etc

MerryInthechelseahotel · 18/12/2015 11:27

I'm a foster carer too and the LA I work with is small. If videos are shared, parents who rightly cannot know where their children are, could easily see them. Well meaning friends could also say to the parents "I saw Hannah on Facebook in xxxxx school"

A few weeks ago something was filmed and put on fb (2adults) and someone phoned me to watch it but also everyone I spoke to had seen it. That's how quickly things get shared.

InQuiteAChristmasPickle · 18/12/2015 11:33

Tali I don't mind if my daughters are put on FB by someone else - I don't use FB and choose not to share photos online but whatever. However, my friend's ex doesn't know where she and her DS live, for good fucking reason. Because of this she doesn't consent to any photos being taken of her DS in school in case they end up on the school website. If one of the other parents puts videos on social media then it would make it easier for him to find her.

She's not paranoid! Xmas Hmm

Francescal88 · 18/12/2015 11:39

This reply has been deleted

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/12/2015 11:43

Francesca 'Why the fuck are people so precious about shit like this??'

Read the fucking thread, particularly the posts from women whose children are vulnerable to abusive relatives.

Then off you fuck.