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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To msg a school Mum I don't know

415 replies

Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 06:27

Regarding her posting a video of the school carol service on FB?

She has tagged in one of my friends so it's come up on my news feed. I'm shocked as it shows loads of them. Probably can't see mine but only because they were hidden.

I was thinking a gentle do you know it's totally unacceptable?

Or email the class rep so a blanket email goes out to all classes via the class reps?

Or contact the school and let them deal with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 07:12

I think some people have no consideration for others, I'm not sure even her own child is in it. I think she did it to share with the parents who's children are right at the front.

OP posts:
witsender · 18/12/2015 07:12

I would email school too. It is wrong on so many levels...she can't just make a unilateral decision for others.

Our school says you are welcome to take pics etc but not to put them on social media.

PotteringAlong · 18/12/2015 07:12

Unspoken rule = not a rule. If she has not been asked not to and the school allow it to be recorded she's actually done nothing wrong.

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter · 18/12/2015 07:13

Have a gentle word with your dc's teacher and query what the policy is on social media.
Ours is very strict. We are reminded throughout the year and before any performances not to post on social media. Even to the point where (although they cannot really enforce this) we are asked not to post pictures of children in school uniform from home if they have a friend(s) over after school. It's for child protection without singling out specific DC.

Balaboosta · 18/12/2015 07:13

I'm being naive here but can someone please explain to me how this is supposed to work?
So there's a Bad Person, whose children have to be protected from, but they want to find them. So do they spend hours on FB going through every nativity video in the country till they find their DC? Really? Don't even Bad People have better things to do? And then what? Has it actually happened that harm has come to child by this route? I appreciate that if you are trying to keep DC away from a Bad Person that you would feel vulnerable and wish to keep their faces off social media - but I don't really get how this problem is supposed to actually work.

christinarossetti · 18/12/2015 07:18

I'd contact the school today.

Totally unacceptable to post other children on SM without explicit consent.

Bunbaker · 18/12/2015 07:18

Yes, you are being naive. There is a lot of online stalking. If a woman has escaped an abusive marriage and moved elsewhere the last thing she wants or needs is the abusive ex turning up and abducting the children or worse.

cariadlet · 18/12/2015 07:19

Balaboosta sometimes parents who are not allowed to have contact with children do know what part of the country or even what town the child is living with. Some parents are determined to track their children down, so googling the names of schools in the area and seeing what videos come up would be the kind of thing that they are likely to do.

Although safeguarding and child protection issues are the main and most important reason for not posting these kinds of videos, I also think that we should respect people's right to privacy.

I'm a fairly private person, don't use facebook and don't post photos or videos of myself or my family on the internet. I'd be really pissed off if somebody else posted images of my dd. If she wants to post stuff herself when she's an adult, then that will be her choice. But nobody else should be making the choice for her.

AuntieMaggie · 18/12/2015 07:19

There was a long thread on this recently with several mumsnetters explaining exactly why this could cause them problems. There's no need to know the ins and outs of how someone could use it to track.someone down just that they could and the repercussions it could have.

OP please report to the school.

Enjolrass · 18/12/2015 07:20

bala yes abusive people who have lost control of their victims (ie kids and partner) are quite happy to spend hours locating them.

It's has happened, people have been hurt after being tracked down.

It's not difficult. You don't post photos of other people's children on social media.

AuntieMaggie · 18/12/2015 07:22

Here was the other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2520344-Nativity-and-child-protection-issue

Witchend · 18/12/2015 07:24

If it's an unspoken rule then it isn't really a rule. If nothing has ever been actually said firstly she may not have come across it. I know there have been times when I've completely missed them because it hasn't occurred to me something is/isn't done. Secondly an unspoken rule is just something that people do without discussion and you're relying on everyone's agreement to do it. If someone doesn't, you can say that in this school we don't, but if she says I do, then you can do little.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 18/12/2015 07:25

We have a 2 year group assembly so years 3 and 4 together, or 5 and 6 etc.

At one the children perform and we were told we could not film one year group, say year 3 but we could film year 4.

They have asked us in the past to film but do not post on social media and to be fair there are plenty of alternative ways to share a video with people privately. This has been breached so now we get you cannot film an entire year group.

We had a police presence for about 4 months outside our school every day, guarding the gates along with the staff members who usually stand at the gates.

Witchend · 18/12/2015 07:26

Sort, posted too soon.

So you need to contact the school in order they can change it to a spoken rule, a quick mention at the start of anything like this changes it to being a spoken rule that can be enforced.

RevoltingPeasant · 18/12/2015 07:27

Wow, this poor mum, getting called a twat and all sorts!

She would be a twat if there was a rule at this school and she broke it.

But there isn't.

OP you can either suggest such a rule to the school or you can leave it, but you can't get angry at someone for obeying a rule that doesn't actually exist.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 18/12/2015 07:41

Balaboosta

Suppose your five year old child had been kidnapped. You have discovered that it is likely that they are been kept somewhere in the Doncaster area.

Would you:-
(A) Spend your evenings watching nativity plays from every primary school you can find in the Doncaster area?
(B) Go and get drunk at your Xmas do?

The Bad Person does not realise they are bad. And sometimes they are not Bad - just chaotic. But that doesn't mean that they are safe to be near their children.

But from their point of view their child has been kidnapped.

ClarkL · 18/12/2015 07:44

Bala - I have moved my daughters school without telling their Dad, I have also deliberately not told him the secondary school my son goes to to prevent him from turning up at the school, if someone was to share a pic of either at school and he saw it he would know where they are, when I am not there. He knows where we live so he could just turn up here, but at least here we have escape routes planned and it allows them to be 'normal' at school without any risk of their friends seeing/knowing something difficult is going on at home. We are unique in that I don't hide images of them from social media, he can still see them - but images get uploaded after the event so there is no risk of him just turning up, for some people, like myself its managing the risk. Very few people know of the situation with their Dad

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 07:47

It's not just safeguarding though. At least 5 of the children in DD's class have parents that aren't on FB etc. They also don't want pics of their children on FB etc. As they aren't on it they wouldn't know if they are or not, but posting a video with multiple children in it isn't on for that reason too!

londonrach · 18/12/2015 07:56

Tali. Abit shocked you dont realise how dangerous this could be to some children. Contact her op and explain the safeguarding issue.

SmellyFartado · 18/12/2015 07:57

WTF are some of the posts on here all about? 'Very precious...I'd laugh' tali are you fucking kidding me?

Most schools usually have a rule that you don't share videos or photos of other people's children on social media as:

  • You probably don't have those parents express permission
  • those parents don't know your social network or where these images of their children are being shared or used or viewed
  • there may be cases where social services are involved with a family and their circumstances

It may be an unspoken rule because to many the above is plain common sense. It's the idiots that breach it that means that rules have to be formalised.

OP, flag with the school asap.

PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 08:04

tali for fuck sake....precious!?

bala what is their not to understand?

bangs head on the wall, cannot believe the amount of ignorance of some parents

TheoriginalLEM · 18/12/2015 08:05

our head teacher made it very clear at the time that no videos were to be posted on social media.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/12/2015 08:06

Tali claims on numerous threads that she has worked as a TA and is apparently currently on a teaching degree course
HmmConfused

PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 08:06

Forgot to add OP, contact the school instead of this mother.

Your are doing the right thing.

Becles · 18/12/2015 08:07

If there are specific safeguarding concerns about the video it's very easy to report it to Facebook with details of why you think not should be taken down.

They are very quick at removing dodgy videos within a few hours.

However if there are no issues with the video other than breach of convention contact the school and follow up in January to clarify the situation.