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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To msg a school Mum I don't know

415 replies

Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 06:27

Regarding her posting a video of the school carol service on FB?

She has tagged in one of my friends so it's come up on my news feed. I'm shocked as it shows loads of them. Probably can't see mine but only because they were hidden.

I was thinking a gentle do you know it's totally unacceptable?

Or email the class rep so a blanket email goes out to all classes via the class reps?

Or contact the school and let them deal with it?

OP posts:
PopcornFrenzy · 18/12/2015 08:42

I was one of these children that needed safeguarding, my mother left my very violent father and he moved heaven and earth to find us so he could kill her...was a very frightening time and luckily was back in the 80's so he couldn't find us.

Had it have been now and he found a video that identified our school and is due to some twat posting a video online then I dread to think what would happen.

People need to stop posting this sort of stuff online and think about consequences of their actions.

dannydyerismydad · 18/12/2015 08:44

Some silly tit of a mother has posted pictures of the whole of the foundation nativity on Facebook, despite the school asking all parents to sign a social media policy and a reminder to all parents at events.

This mother is also a nursery manager. She should know better.

NinjaClaws · 18/12/2015 08:47

To those who can't see the problem posting on Facebook etc.
I also didn't understand how a random Facebook picture could cause any problems until I read this unrelated article on the BBC website about a reporter trying to trace a refugee child traveling across Europe.

Here is an extract below and the link to the BBC webpage.

....The problem was that the uncle's Facebook page gave no clue as to his name or what country he was in. But his photo did.
With a photograph, you can geo-locate with open source media - that's techy gibberish for looking at the detail in the back of the picture, cross-checking it online with wedding videos and Google Earth and other wholly innocent filming, and work out where the photo was taken.

It took our Serbian fixer, Ivan Angelovski, five minutes (to accurately locate him).

www.bbc.com/news/world-34668146

PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 08:48

tali if you really are a ta and are training to be a teacher you should know about safeguarding if you don't then why the feck are you working in education?.

You should know because you would be privy to which children had permission for photos etc to be shared in your class and why....in care, adopted or simply their parents did not want them too.

I am astounded at your ignorance. Making statements that people are precious or that no one in the real world minds Hmm.

you may not mind people taking photos of your son but other people do.

As I said if you do work within education....just wow.

You are either very very ignorant to ignore any inset training or you are being a goady fucker.

scarlets · 18/12/2015 08:50

Our school posts pics on its Twitter feed so I assume there are no safeguarding issues with the youngsters featured. However, parents can't possibly know, so YANBU. Email the school or leave a voicemail. You could always contact Facebook with a white lie about a visible child being vulnerable, too.

RainbowDashed · 18/12/2015 08:52

Personally I have no problem with my kids appearing on social media, however that doesn't mean I think that I have the right to upload pics/videos of other people's children. It's common sense, surely??! DD2's nativity was also spoiled by people standing up to video their child, meaning that no-one behind could see. People really are thoughtless, selfish and entitled.

ArmchairTraveller · 18/12/2015 08:58

OP, contact the school and let them deal with it, you are right to raise it as a concern.
Tall, if I was your mentor as an NQT, I'd be metaphorically kicking your arse for your arrogance and ignorance.
If you swagger into teaching with an 'I'm OK with it, so should everyone else' attitude, and a wilful disregard for the concerns of parents about their own children, you deserve to fail.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 18/12/2015 08:59

Maybe the DM is used to other schools where it is ok to post on social media? Our school posts videos and photos of the DCs on fb all the time. Obviously there aren't any safeguarding issues.

Email the school because either it has a policy about posting on social media or it doesn't. If it's something they need to introduce then they can let all parents know.

reni2 · 18/12/2015 09:02

Our school is usually really relaxed, we were able to film as we pleased, then one year we were not. Very clearly a vulnerable child had joined or a previously safe child had become vulnerable.

The teachers can of course not say "please make sure Hannah is not in your pictures", that would be breaching Hannah's right to privacy, so they just have to say your child only, please. If some knob sticks pictures up it might just mean Hannah will be withdrawn from further plays and concerts.

Crabbitface · 18/12/2015 09:12

TaliZorah Please keep us all updated on your teacher training and if you do ever get a job as a teacher do let us know where. Just so I can totally avoid your school like the plague. I would not want my child to be taught by someone who finds concerns about children's safety "precious", who finds breastfeeding "weird" and who creates an entire thread to tell everyone how little she "looks like a mum".

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 18/12/2015 09:22

If you click on the video and use the report function you can get Facebook to remove it for you, just by stating it is of your child and you don't want it on there. I've had to do it a few times due to the actions of a completely selfish witch.

G1veMeStrength · 18/12/2015 09:26

Michael Rosen made me laugh yesterday: It was Parents' iPad Wars at the school Christmas show this morning. Most got excellent shots of other people's iPads though. ‪#‎AllOKthen‬

Italiangreyhound · 18/12/2015 09:32

I'd take the track with the other mum of maybe you didn't realise, and I know they look great but there are often very real reasons etc, rather than going in all guns blazing.

I'm very pleased you are showing your concern for this issue even though it does not affect you. If all parents were this cautious for the sake of others' children it would mean those of us who genuinely do not want our child's picture on social media (my son is adopted) would not need to be drawing attention to ourselves by asking about this.

My son's teacher has been very understanding about the fact I don't want his picture on social media, but then discusses any pictures taken of the class (not the reason for them) in front of the class! Granted the class are Year 1 and are not paying attention to us, but the point is I potentially need to draw attention to my son, and to me, to make the point about social media. So actually when parents who have no problem with social media, just don't want their kid on display, say something about this issue, they are helping any other parents whose kids are adopted, or fostered, or who are fleeing a violent ex or violent family member, any who are in any kind of witness protection etc and any who just do not want to be found.

So thank you.

Italiangreyhound · 18/12/2015 09:33

ProcrastinatorGeneral thanks for telling us, I did not know that, very helpful. I've not had to do it at all, yet, but good to know. Grin

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 18/12/2015 09:34

I never put others peoples dc on my fb, not even my nieces and nephews. I'm in the minority where I live too. Its pointless trying to stop people doing it though. I noticed my DD popping up all over fb in other parents nativity photos.

Shesinfashion · 18/12/2015 09:40

Our school only forbids videoing and posting pictures of other children on social media. How realistically are you supposed to only record your own kid?

3littlebadgers · 18/12/2015 09:42

I mind!
I have been stalked and so avoid social media. I have very normal friends that openly admit to facebook stalking. Normal people with normal lives. What on earth would less balanced people be up to given that?

Also, more importantly, I have a very close friend who's ex was physically and mentally abusing her and the children. A little over a year ago we dropped our children off at school, and went back to her's and packed up what she could carry. It was terrifying, even though he was at work, thinking he could just walk through the door and what would happen if he did. The heartbreak of having to leave things that she will never get back, the baby photos, pictures her kids had made, gifts that her mother had given her. But all she had room for were clothes and essentials.

That day she was put on a train to start a new life in a little room, in a town, where she knew no one, at the others side of the country, at a women's refuge. She followed all of the refuges advice about staying anonymous. Less than two months later he had found them! They had to move again. In just over a year they have had to move three further times. Each time the children are pulled out of school at no notice, the few bits that they have aquired are left again, because she can only take what she can carry on a train and then the children are out of school for weeks on end until a new place can be found.

There are families like this up and down the country, but how would you know unless you were on a need to know basis? My friend is not going to stand up and say, please don't put my kids on social media becuase my ex is a dangerous psychopath. So all she can do is trust that the rest of us will stop thinking about ourselves and our own lime light and follow the guidelines.

Anyone in a child related profession, who cannot grasp this, needs to be removed from that roll.

RaisingSteam · 18/12/2015 09:47

Our school says its fine to take photos but please do not post on social media, her exact words were "We do have several vulnerable children in our school".

So she explained why without the families concerned having to identify themselves and be seen as the "spoilers"

The problem is that any particular photo might not show your child clearly, but you would have to police all of them to check, and then one gets through that has all the names, faces and locations in it.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaisingSteam · 18/12/2015 09:51

To be honest the kids at school know exactly who the vulnerable children are because they have to stand out of group photos for the newspaper etc- school tend to take some with everyone and then some that are OK for going externally.

Really people are lucky who don't have these issues in their lives, why make things harder for people who are already dealing with unpleasant stuff?

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 09:52

Our school only forbids videoing and posting pictures of other children on social media. How realistically are you supposed to only record your own kid?

Why do you need to record it at all?

crazycatdad · 18/12/2015 09:53

Have I time traveled forward to some horrible future where posting images of other people's kids on the internet is a reasonable thing to do? Hmm Just... wow. I know many people walk around with their heads up their arses but that is a staggering level of ignorance.

I'm also dismayed at people suggesting the school's policy is the deciding factor, as if it weren't plain common sense that this is not a legit thing to do.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/12/2015 09:59

My dh is a mentor for PGCE students hope to god he never gets one like Tali or it could tip him
Over the edge

RalphSteadmansEye · 18/12/2015 10:02

Well, precisely, crazycatdad, particularly when, in my example upthread, there are schools which consider it acceptable to post videos of children from other schools , in their uniforms, on social media - when they cannot possibly know the safeguarding status of those children.

FannyFanakapan · 18/12/2015 10:07

I am a foster carer. I would be absolutely livid if one of my charges appeared on social media where they could be identified.

As it is, only the people who need to know , know that they are "in care" - its not my place to tell all and sundry. It should be enough to tell parents that pictures and videos are unacceptable on social media sites.

If my charges were tracked down, the damage to them would be immeasurable. They have been here months, and they are still having nightmares. If their parent found them, their mental health would never recover. Their lives would actually be in very real danger from one particular family member.

I think its time that all video equipment is banned at nativitiies - what do our kids want to see - their mum and dads happy proud smiles, or the back of an Ipad?

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