Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To msg a school Mum I don't know

415 replies

Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 06:27

Regarding her posting a video of the school carol service on FB?

She has tagged in one of my friends so it's come up on my news feed. I'm shocked as it shows loads of them. Probably can't see mine but only because they were hidden.

I was thinking a gentle do you know it's totally unacceptable?

Or email the class rep so a blanket email goes out to all classes via the class reps?

Or contact the school and let them deal with it?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 11:43

take your head out of your arse and read the thread Francesca. It's not about paedophiles!

teacherwith2kids · 18/12/2015 11:44

Francesca, read the thread. The risk is not from paedophiles, but from specific people - often estranged parents - who pose a risk to children who are in care / have been adopted, and who can find out from videos and photographs exactly where the child is now living / attending school.

The cases I have dealt with have involved death threats, kidnap threats, damage to property and significant injury.

PopcornFrenzy · 18/12/2015 11:46

Nothing to do with paedophiles, it's all do with violent/abusive parents/relatives trying to find kids that have been taken away for their safety...who the fuck are you to decide whether they are kept safe or not

Nottodaythankyouorever · 18/12/2015 11:47

Francescal

Read my post FFS. Nothing about being 'precious'.

Or would you be ok with those children to be contacted by their abusive mother!!!

PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 11:51

frances

WTAF!

We are not being precious about fecking photos being available because of paedophiles Angry.

Have you actually read the thread no you haven't?

This is about vulnerable childrens safety. Children who are not allowed contact with a parent/parents because of abuse or who are in actual danger.

bangs head on the wall for the third time. Third time the word precious has been used because people are behaving like responsible and considerate adults

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 18/12/2015 12:00

I was going to reply to Frances but it seems she has her head so far up her own arse she won't read it anyway.

I've been on a few of these threads now trying to explain why it is so important, and still the arrogant wankers coming from their lives of safety and security think it's ok to come and risk my family or accuse me of being 'precious' because I don't want my violent ex to find us.

Francescal88 · 18/12/2015 12:11

Apologies

Original poster
Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 12:20

I've emailed school to confirm their policy.

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 12:45

Well done hack. Thank you for being so considerate of those vulnerable children at the school, I wish others were more like you.

Flowers Smile

crazycatdad · 18/12/2015 13:18

Just to play devil's advocate for a second, and, god forbid, at the risk of sounding precious...

Is it so wrong to believe that even if we're not talking about vulnerable children, it's a parents choice and nobody elses whether or not pictures of their kids should be shared online? Is this not just a matter of common courtesy?

Am I weird and out of touch? Confused

PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 13:34

crazy of course you are not weird and out of touch!

I have friends that don't shre pics etc on social media and they have no reason other than that they don't want to share anything. Which is their right.

I think it's common curtesy to be considerate of others and their rights over their children.

Devora · 18/12/2015 14:05

I'm such an unprecious parent. I'm the one who would let her kids frolic naked on the beach, who lets strangers on the street touch their faces, who thinks that children have more to lose than gain from being treated as a precious private commodity that the wider community has no stake in. dd1 has been on national media a few times, name and photo. No problem.

But dd1 is my birth child. dd2, on the other hand, is adopted and there are very real reasons to be concerned about her security. So I have had to think carefully about how to manage that without making her feel different from her friends. So she can have her photo in the school newsletter, but not on social media. She can appear in the local paper, but not with names.

I don't know if I get the balance right - I try to. But there's been enough of these threads now for me to be getting a teensy bit irritated by those who instantly jump up and down and tell us we're ridiculous. Like MrsDV, I'd rather like to see your faces if my dd's birth family turned up at your school...

But Francesca, very decent of you to apologise.

Janeymoo50 · 18/12/2015 14:09

I think people sometimes don't see the bigger picture about for instance children at risk from estranged parents and they probably think "how will an abusive ex find another child from my posting a picture/video of my child, they don't even know me etc". It's all quite sad really, I really don't think people mean to put vulnerable children at risk at all, they probably think they know most of the kids/parents in their nursery class for instance.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 15:55

I understand what you're saying about safety concerns but

  1. it's unlikely
  2. shall we stop doing everything because of an obscure risk? That's letting them win
  3. those parents who object to it should voice that rather than expect everyone to not share it JUST IN CASE
  4. if you are concerned for safety perhaps the police need to be involved
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/12/2015 15:57

Tali

How do you know it's unlikely and obscure?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 18/12/2015 15:57

tali I don't even know where to start...

PopcornFrenzy · 18/12/2015 15:57

So Tali if a child/mother is found and killed because a selfish parent didn't think the rules applied to them would you be ok with that? Would you think that it's precious? It's not letting them win it's fucking stupid to even think of the risk as a game!

Have a word with yourself and stop sprouting bollocks

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/12/2015 15:58

I understand what you're saying about safety concerns

Clearly, you don't.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 18/12/2015 16:01

  1. it's unlikely - No it isn't

  2. shall we stop doing everything because of an obscure risk? That's letting them win - It isn't an obscure risk, and it isn't stopping everything, it's stopping posting pictures of other peoples children on social media.

  3. those parents who object to it should voice that rather than expect everyone to not share it JUST IN CASE - It is voiced but some people do not think the rules apply to them because the risk is so 'obscure and unlikely'

  4. if you are concerned for safety perhaps the police need to be involved - the police have been involved in my case, several times. Right now my ex is doing nothing illegal, if he finds us he will, but by that time it will be too late for the police to be involved to prevent anything, at a minimum I will be dead, God knows what he would do to my dc.

HTH

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 16:02

If it were a common occurrence many more cases would have happened.

Right okay then. Let's never cross the road because we might get run over. Let's neveR go into public space because of terror concerns. Let's never do anything because there's a small chance something negative may happen.

Personally I prefer to live my life not in fear.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 18/12/2015 16:03

My siblings work in education and social work Tali I can assure you these things do happen.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/12/2015 16:04

Tali you're comparing things like walking across the road to being stalked online and perhaps getting into a nasty confrontation or much worse, seriously?

Unbelievable and you are very naive.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 18/12/2015 16:06

Personally I prefer to live my life not in fear.

Me too. Sadly I have to, because a certain section of society behave like self obsessed dickheads who only care about how many likes they can get on FB.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 16:07

MrsDeVere

If you are genuinely threatened by someone that can be looked at. Because it's not the norm, and it shouldn't be. If YOU have a problem with it, YOU tell the class. Instead of expecting it to be the default.

Elsa

  1. it's not many cases where this is a concern. If it is, then that should be dealt with but not a blanket rule when it doesn't affect everyone

  2. it's stopping people sharing pictures of their kids at school with their family

  3. I mean in the situation. So instead of saying no one can do this ever, people should be able to and if you have a problem with it you should say.

  4. I'm sorry you're dealing with such an arsehole. If he's threatening to kill you hoe is that not illegal?