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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To msg a school Mum I don't know

415 replies

Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 06:27

Regarding her posting a video of the school carol service on FB?

She has tagged in one of my friends so it's come up on my news feed. I'm shocked as it shows loads of them. Probably can't see mine but only because they were hidden.

I was thinking a gentle do you know it's totally unacceptable?

Or email the class rep so a blanket email goes out to all classes via the class reps?

Or contact the school and let them deal with it?

OP posts:
DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 18/12/2015 21:35

I think some of you are not only being disingenuous here, but also displaying a cruel pack mentality - jumping on someone for disagreeing with you. People can post most photos because we have freedom of speech in this country. And like it or not but in most cases, not posting them is a courtesy that is specified, not taken as a given and the default state.

For safeguarding reasons, it is a school's responsibility to make parents aware if they have a rule against posting photos on social media, otherwise it is fair game.

As for the differences between ff and bf, only this week I was reading sensible and sensitively written posts on aibu explaining that there is little difference between the two, especially in societies with low levels of poverty and high standards of healthcare.

Disagree, sure, it is aibu after all, but adding personal insults and attacking individual posters does less to support your arguments than challenging reasons and asking for evidence. This thread has taken a quite nasty turn, has a vicious tone. I doubt any of us would care to witness our children squabbling in this way, so... Take a breath and count to five before posting. They're emotive issues but as adults we can debate less emotionally than this.

MistressMerryWeather · 18/12/2015 21:36

I think the idea of balance should be saved for essential things.

Not peanuts and facebook posts

Some things just aren't worth the risk, especially when we are dealing with children.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 21:38

Decaff thank you

mistress everything has a risk though, avoid all risks and you might as well never leave the house

thelouise · 18/12/2015 21:39

"it might be the policy doesn't mean it's correct does it" (sic)

You are hilarious. Do let Parliament know that the Children Act and it's associated policies and procedures are incorrect, won't you?

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 21:40

thelouise

It's hilarious that people disagree with certain laws? That's really new to you?

thelouise · 18/12/2015 21:41

"People can post most photos because we have freedom of speech in this country."

Freedom of speech has nowt do with posting photographs on social media. You do not have freedom of speech on websites owned by other people.

thelouise · 18/12/2015 21:41

No, it's hilarious that you think you know better than so many other people. As a teacher, you will need to know why safeguarding is important.

3point14159265359 · 18/12/2015 21:42

Tali, if you went into a random school and started taking photos, what would you expect to happen?

If you went into a park and started taking photos, what would you expect to happen?

That's why they're different. A school is not a public place.

GloriaSmellens · 18/12/2015 21:46

Why is a school not the same as another place?

This from someone who is apparently training to be a teacher!

IguanaTail · 18/12/2015 21:46

Safeguarding policies are put in place to minimise the risks though Tali. You'll learn all about that.

Teachers are "in loco parentis" and that is defined as "a good, caring parent". Teachers tend to have far higher risk awareness with their charges than even with their own children. If your own child falls over and scrapes his knee you might brush down the knee quickly with your hand and tell him he's fine. As a teacher you have to log it, clean it carefully with ice, often asking the first aider for assistance etc. Same thing with photos. You might upload videos of your own kids on Facebook and you are free to do that, managing the related risks yourself. However, as soon as they are in uniform at a school event, the risks change. You may have amongst your child's class a child who is living in a safe house to avoid domestic abuse; you might have a child whose dad is trying to track her down; you might have parents of a child who are very anxious for any particular reason and don't want their child on the Internet. Awareness is far more heightened and teachers do (or should) support all efforts made to protect the privacy of minors.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 21:46

that doesn't apply to a nativity which the public are invited to

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 21:49

Iguana I know that. I think the reasons make sense but some of it is over the top. That's all

MistressMerryWeather · 18/12/2015 21:52

The only reason I have seen you give for it being over the top is because only a small amount of children would actually be at risk.

3point14159265359 · 18/12/2015 21:52

So if you're there by invitation only being asked to not to take photos (or not upload them) is not infringing your civil fucking liberties then, is it?

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 21:54

if you're explicitly asked not to then maybe not. The OPs place doesn't have that rule.

3point14159265359 · 18/12/2015 21:59

You weren't talking about the OP. You were talking in general about your imagined civil liberties being chipped away.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 22:05

that doesn't apply to a nativity which the public are invited toare nativities usually open to the public? Ours certainly aren't!

IguanaTail · 18/12/2015 22:07

No of course nativity shows aren't open to the general public. They are put on for parents and families of children at nurseries or schools.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 22:10

parents are part of the public... You are letting the public in.

Obviously I'm in the minority here. funny how in the real world it's the opposite!

GloriaSmellens · 18/12/2015 22:15

No of course nativity shows aren't open to the general public. They are put on for parents and families of children at nurseries or schools.

I think sometimes there might be a 'public nativity'. For example some churches do them, or an 'outdoor'' thing in the town square (wasn't there a hoo ha on here last year about someone whose daughter was Mary in such a thing and they were deciding whether tocmake her wear a helmet when she rode the donkey?!). Anyway, in these situations I guess it is up to the parent/carer as to what they want to do, and whether they want their child to take part, but I suppose that is the same for all situations for such a child who cannot be photographed [was]

Completely different to a.school where the staff are directly responsible for the safety of the child, and where they are within their rights to have whatever photography policy they want.

Crabbitface · 18/12/2015 22:16

Roll ups I think the problem here is not that Tali is disagreeing with people but that

  1. She is claiming have experience in working in schools but is clearly not conversant with safeguarding policy and procedure. Or indeed basic child protection legislation like the UNCRC.
  1. When people ask her to debate appropriately and back up her responses she says thing like "It's not my issue".
  1. She appears to have form for jumping into threads and throwing in bombs. Or indeed for starting threads that are either very goady or incredibly badly judged - i.e. Breastfeeding is 'weird' and 'don't all other mums apart from me look the same'.

So where I think it is admirable for you to play devil's advocate, and where you perceive unfairness to challenge it, I also think that it is important that Tali is challenged on her, at best, careless and, at worst, dangerous attitudes. Particularly if she is planning a career in teaching.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 18/12/2015 22:17

This isn't a harmless difference of opinion though, this is someone who claims to be involved in education belittling the very real - and terrifying - situations shared by some posters as 'paranoid' and 'mollycoddling.'

We all managed before FB was invented, it's not any kind of human right to post photos of your kids on stage.

Some kids in care have lived through unimaginable horrors. As a society we should be bending over backwards to safeguard and protect them. And if we don't know anyone in that situation we should give thanks for our cosy litte lives, not be in denial that the risk of being found and harmed exist.

GloriaSmellens · 18/12/2015 22:21

Obviously I'm in the minority here. funny how in the real world it's the opposite!

No it really isn't. Apart from for people like you who have no experience of the education system and are completely naive and ignorant about the issues surrounding child.protection.

I have had friends who have questioned why this child can't do this, and that child couldn't be in that photo in the newspaper and when I explained why it probably was, they were genuinely wide eyed and 'oh, really?'. It just hadn't occurred to them at all that it could be a problem.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 22:22

Okay when have I ever said bf is weird?! Ever?

I said breastfeeding older children is weird. I spoke to a poster who had breastfed her older child and we discussed it and I said it wasn't actually weird.

So where have I said bf is weird?

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.