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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

807 replies

queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 20:41

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

OP posts:
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Muttaburrasaurus · 17/12/2015 21:46

Sounds like a lovely menu op. Will try the squash sometime I think.

I've had my eye on these:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/dec/13/nigel-slaters-vegetarian-christmas-recipes

I'm not vegetarian but can't understand why vegetarian dishes aren't considered valid options by omnivores.

Muttaburrasaurus · 17/12/2015 21:47

Yup Annie - unimaginative is exactly it.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2015 21:50

I'm not a veggie but eat loads of veggie food. I'd love your menu.

This is a favourite of mine and would be a good main for a traditional meal.
www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/recipes/caramelised-onion-tarte-tatin/

Geraniumred · 17/12/2015 21:50

I smiled at your post as I have a vegetarian dd and have had 3 lots of relatives asking me in a mild panic 'what will dd eat?' They are not even catering for Christmas Day!

motherinferior · 17/12/2015 21:51

Would you 'oh it's only meat' say the same about taking a pork roast to a Jewish or Muslim house, or steak to a Hindu one?

Original poster
queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 21:51

Much liking the veggie Jansson's temptation recipes! That's Boxing Day sorted.

TBH, I'm tired of being screamed at by my mother, she's been unkind to me for a long time and I'm putting my foot down over this meal.

OP posts:
knobblyknee · 17/12/2015 21:53

YANBU. I'm a MIL and a meat eater and she's being nasty. Agree with telling her to like it or lump it. Here, these are for you Flowers

GreenTomatoJam · 17/12/2015 21:54

I'm a meat eater, I'm happy being a meat eater, but I think it's plain bizarre to thing that I'm entitled to meat at a meal!

Honestly there's so much else going on at the dinner are you really going to miss a big of pre-cooked and transported chicken?@!!?

I don't think you're unreasonable at all to ask her to leave it at the door if she brought it - meat isn't obligatory, you are catering, there'll be plenty to eat, and you don't want meat in your kitchen. Really, it's only a big deal if she makes it one.

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive · 17/12/2015 21:54

I thought the chicken was her date when I read the title.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 17/12/2015 21:55

Heh, I actually put in a paragraph in my last post about how there are always snide comments about people being terribly unimaginative chefs and/or eaters in threads about Christmas food, but deleted it because I thought it might be too combative! Maybe I should have left it in. It surprises me though, it really does, the way some people take issue with others wanting to eat foods traditionally associated with a festival whilst celebrating that festival. Like, by all means don't have it in your house if you don't want to, as I said upthread I wouldn't have the chicken if I were OP. Eat what you want when you want. But can the judgypants. It makes you sound awful.

theycallmemellojello · 17/12/2015 21:57

Also, this is an obvious question, but have you offered her an alternative veggie dish? It sounds like she doesn't like the sound of what you are planning, but realises that you've got it planned out so doesn't want to ask you to change. I personally don't think politeness demands that you have to eat something you don't like or go hungry. I made a mushroom lasagne earlier this year for a dinner party and it turned out a guest didn't like mushrooms. I just gave her some smoked salmon. No big deal and I was much happier that she said something. If you don't want your mum to bring her own food, could you offer an alternative? Or maybe she could bring a ham so she doesn't have to cook it at your place.

motherinferior · 17/12/2015 21:58

Er....ham is meat too.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2015 21:59

How would ham be better? Confused

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 17/12/2015 22:00

Could she have some wafer thin ham Barbara?

SquareRootOfPie · 17/12/2015 22:01
Smile
Original poster
queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 22:01

I haven't told her what I'm even cooking this year-she's not asked......

OP posts:
Muttaburrasaurus · 17/12/2015 22:03

Fanny - its my sympathy for chefs whether imaginative or unimaginative that makes me have limited sympathy for that degree of unimaginative eater Smile.
Its tiresome to put a lot of work into a special meal for people to turn their noses up because it doesn't suit their preconceived ideas.

mintoil · 17/12/2015 22:03

YANBU - fit in or fuck off, even at Christmas Xmas Grin

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 17/12/2015 22:05

So for all she knows OP, you could've arranged for someone else to bring a chicken anyway?! She sounds a delight.

Want2bSupermum · 17/12/2015 22:05

hedgehogsdontbite Love your analogy! DH is Danish and we too eat nothing but meat over Christmas in Denmark. DH's family it is fish (herring mainly) for a starter, the main is roasted duck with cabbage cooked with lard and potatoes in caramel and desert is rice pudding with almonds. It is a sea of beige food. On Christmas Day itself his family do a huge all day eating affair and there isn't a veggie in sight. I maintain my position on potatoes not being a vegetable.

It is a wonder their cancer and heart disease rates are not higher than they are, even though they have some of the highest rates in Europe. I get sick each time we visit from the heavy food (although last time it was morning sickness!)

AlisonWunderland · 17/12/2015 22:06

I'm a real carnivore.
I love a turkey Christmas dinner.

But if I was invited to a vegetarian Christmas dinner, no way would I even consider bringing meat along.

AlisonWunderland · 17/12/2015 22:08

Despite what I've just written, if I had to omit one thing from Christmas dinner, it would be the turkey as long as I could keep the stuffing and the bread sauce

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 17/12/2015 22:09

See, a chef might well feel glad that everyone they're cooking for is sufficiently 'unimaginative' that they're all happy to eat a roast meat meal for Christmas muttaburrasaurus. I would, although we split the cooking anyway in our family. Either way, I think it's best all round to try not to be pejorative about people wishing to observe the rituals and habits traditionally associated with Christmas. Just as equally it's absolutely fine to do something completely different for the occasion if that's what floats your boat.

MrsKoala · 17/12/2015 22:12

I'm actually a bit torn on this one. While i think it's rude to bring food and ask for it to be cooked when you are a guest, i do think guests should be happy with their food. I eat a particular diet thru choice so would struggle with your menu (as nice as i'm sure it is), in fact i struggle with all veggie food. I might try not to make it obvious i wasn't eating much of it and then eat a packed lunch in the loo!

UnderTheF1oorboards · 17/12/2015 22:14

These make an absolutely belting meat substitute to go with the rest of a traditional Christmas dinner. Much better than turkey, IMHO, and I do eat meat.