Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

[queenofthepirates]

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

I agree with what libraries said. Non veggies can eat everything at a veggie meal whereas the opposite is not true.

This is more like the host saying they are having goose for Christmas and the guests saying 'No I dont want that, I'm bringing my own turkey'.

Its amazingly rude and odd.

I'd love to know your recipes too op.

Nope, none of that. There was 1 bowl of little boiled potatoes, 1 bowl of potato salad, 1 of beetroot salad, and the traditional Janssons frestelse (a potato dish with anchovies) and this vile brown bean stew stuff that nobody eats but you have because it's traditional. Then a sea of fish and meats.

I'm totally wanting meat, but I would never go to a meat free dinner. Especially Christmas dinners need to have poultry.... Anything like turkey, chicken, pheasant , goose is good!

Sorry, I think you are being unreasonable. I am vegetarian, but I wouldn't invite a meat eater to christmas dinner, and not give them meat to eat. That's just part of being a good host.
Of course she can 'do without meat' for a few hours, but for most people the meat is the centrepiece of the christmas dinner.
Is she cooking it herself and bringing it ready cooked to your house? That would make you even more unreasonable.
I agree about not having a dead bird on the table though, thats fair enough. Perhaps she could slice it and plate it up in the kitchen.

I get why she wants meat. The thing about Christmas is that the traditional Christmas meal in the UK is pretty meat heavy. It's not about people not being able to go one meal without meat, it's because it's this particular meal that's the problem. It's legitimate to want to eat traditional foods during an occasion of cultural importance, which Christmas is to most people who celebrate it, and a roast meat meal is the one most commonly associated with the occasion. So YABU to characterise it as not being able to go without meat for an hour.

However, it sounds like she's on a power trip and doing it to be a dick, so fuck her. YANBU to say no in that case.

I'm a lifelong veggie, and I totally agree with everyone here that it's your house, your rules.

However, for those saying 'can't she go one meal without meat?' - I think people get very precious about Christmas dinner, and get hung up on traditions and what they should have. So perhaps to her the idea of not having a bird for her Crimbo dinner is just unheard of.

I'm not excusing her behaviour, and I'm not suggesting the OP should give in to her. But I'm just trying to see it from her angle a bit. Some people are spectacularly set in their ways.

By the way, I'm dying to hear what you have planned for your Scandi style veggie meal!

X post with Fanny there - she put it more eloquently than I did!

YANBU, your mum has a choice - join you for a veggie meal or have alternative meal elsewhere.

what's the scandi equivalent of roast potatoes?

Normally "Jansson's Temptation", a potato gratin with anchovies!

There are normally some boiled potatoes, but the only other traditional veggie side that I can think of is red cabbage! A Scandinavian julbord by definition consists of lots of different types of herring plus everything that can be made from a pig, with ham being the most important dish, surrounded by spare ribs, sausages, different kinds of pate, meatballs (usually 50/50 beef/pork), trotters - and not forgetting the centre piece, a decorated pig's head, with an apple in its mouth. And my grandfather's favourite: dark bread dipped in the heated drippings from the ham.

I've seen some modern veggie alternatives for some of the dishes but still, I'd struggle to dish up a veggie Scandi julbord!

I think the up shot is op

Would you expect meat eaters to cater for you if you were going to Christmas dinner at hers in my experience vegtrains do expect to have somthing to eat and no offence I have had nut roast and it's grim

i can understand you might not want a whole chicken sitting on the table or even in the kitchen. could she bring some cooked sliced chicken in some foil then add it to her meal that way your not staring at a whole chicken and your mum gets to enjoy her meal to. i don't see why your mum should have to eat vegi type meal. same as you would not want to be made to eat meat. what would happen if you went out for a meal with meat eaters. there would be meat at the table/on plates.

Your mum is being a bit ridiculous.
There are no rules about Christmas dinner having to include meat/poultry. It can be anything you want.

Would you let her have a chicken pie instead? That might be a compromise, of sorts?

However, can I come instead? Your menu sounds bloody lovely!

Thanks everyone, it's really kind of you to take the time to reply.
Do pass on any good veggie Christmas recipes if you have them please!

Ghost

I agree 100% vegtrains wouldn't expect to put up with being made to eat meet with no consssions made for the fact there veggie and to me Christmas is not really Christmas with out a big bit of meat

I don't really enjoy most vegtrain dishes or altertives I love meat

Scandi Christmas dessert is rice pudding.

If there was no meat I just would not be there, simple, end of!!

I haven't been a vegetarian for decades, but I think the idea of bringing meat to a veggie household is revolting. I don't give a stuff what day it is. It's offensive and stomach-turning to bring chunks of animal flesh.

And it's just absurd to suggest that meat-eaters providing vegetarian food is somehow equivalent.

with the shes a guest. if it was me i would want my guest to feel comfortable and enjoy their meal.

Except for the effing and jeffing at the end ungoogleable!

By the same token, I can also see why OP has gone for something completely different too and bugger tradition. Because Christmas dinner is so meat heavy, unless you really like nut roast it would be easy for it to turn into a pale imitation of what the omnivores get. So instead of having to vegetarianise a meal that is traditionally a meatfest, it does make sense to change the premise entirely.

Does she want to cook it at yours? I can see that's a hassle as I guess you'll be using the oven for other things. Otherwise I don't see the problem- you don't have to have the bird on the table. Is it possible that other family members also might want some chicken? I don't think it's massively rude to bring a dish to a big meal like Christmas dinner, especially when the host is a close family member. I think that there are people who do like to eat meat for most meals - my parents never eat vegetarian and would be disappointed with a veggie Christmas dinner. Why not let her eat something she likes to eat? If she is not cooking it at your place it doesn't affect you.

Just saw your menu and it does look lovely, but I'll bet anything that the "vegducken" has American origins, not Scandinavian :) For one thing, I tried to find a butternut squash in Sweden for an overseas friend a few years ago and had to give up! I'd certainly never seen or heard of such a vegetable until I left Sweden as an adult. And to the poster who asked what vegetables are typically found on a Swedish julbord: really practically none, although this is of course changing due to outside influences. The only vegetables that were traditionally available in winter were carrots, swedes and cabbage, plus apples of course.

But that's all off topic and your menu looks lovely OP :) Do google "veggie Jansson's temptation" as there are some recipes out there that use olives and capers for flavour instead of the anchovies - I've never tried them but sounds interesting. And of course you could always make some veggie "meatballs" and "sausages" too.

Seriously people think what op is cooking is as good as a tradional christmas dinner with all the trimmings for meat eaters (although not correct term as you eat veg too but i cant spell the o word as dyslexic). As i said before meet her half way with chicken placed on her plate in the kitchen. By the way if this wasnt christmas i would agree more with op but its christmas and only one day per year. I suspect op mum like most people love the tradition of christmas. The whole idea of christmas is getting together to enjoy time together hence why meeting your mum half way is surely the only way to go.

Christmas Eve main course sorted! Thanks for that squash recipe, OP, looks wonderful.

Or maybe sundried tomatoes would give an anchovy-style depth to it too.

Christmas dinner does so not need bloody poultry! The main thing about Christmas dinner IMO is that it should be something you wouldn't have every day, something a bit posh that some effort at least appears to have gone into. Chicken? Oh for goodness' sake. That's cheap stuff. We have chicken nearly every week so it wouldn't be special at all, and I don't like turkey very much so that wouldn't be a treat either. (I remember discussing this with a colleague who admitted she didn't like it much either, but when I suggested she have something else she went all "does not compute".) The veggie main course as described sounds quite special enough for the purpose. This having to be made of meat fetish is so... I dunno... unimaginative?