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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

807 replies

queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 20:41

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
travailtotravel · 17/12/2015 21:14

YANBU - she should not win this one ...

FatherReboolaConundrum · 17/12/2015 21:14

YANBU in the slightest OP but YABVU if you don't tell us what the veggie Scandi meal is!

Original poster
queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 21:15

Thanks everyone, to reply to questions, I've been veggie for 25 years so it's not new. She came for veggie xmas last year and didn't seem to have a problem.

She's pretty insistent and so far I've just laughed it off but I think I will be firm and tell her she can come over after the meal if she can't not eat meat for an hour.

She's also doing her own Christmas meal this weekend for other members of the family who can't make the day-full meat fest with all the trimmings so not like she's not getting traditional food this year.

OP posts:
BikeGeek · 17/12/2015 21:16

my thoughts exactly hedgehogsdontbite

i'm often in Denmark at Christmas and meals are meat heavy

Original poster
queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 21:16

So sorry about the delay, pulling recipes out!

OP posts:
SquareRootOfPie · 17/12/2015 21:17

Bringing a whole chicken is worse. It'll undermine everything you've put together. She'll be offering it 'round and then looking mock-chastised, but it'll be like 3 to mother 2 to Queenofpirates, and then she'll be eminating "ha!!! told you people prefer meat" if some of the non-vegetarians take a bit of her chicken to be diplomatic.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/12/2015 21:18

I think the nice thing to do is let her bring a few slices for her own plate only.
I can't see how that harms you.

RickRoll · 17/12/2015 21:20

Normally I would say 'rude', but vegetarian Christmas dinner just seems very wrong.

BipBippadotta · 17/12/2015 21:21

I opened this thread somehow thinking your mother was intending to bring her pet chicken to your Christmas dinner. I was thinking, 'chickens are vegetarian, that shouldn't be a problem'.

airforsharon · 17/12/2015 21:21

Going on your OP and update I think she's doing it purely to get up your nose and cause a row. Or at least, she's hoping to cause a row.

Tell her (very politely) no and perhaps suggests she comes for tea instead.

LauraMipsum · 17/12/2015 21:22

Another one who wants to know what you're serving, I love the sound of a Scandi veggie menu!

YANBU.

remembermewhen · 17/12/2015 21:22

Sorry but I feel she's expected to respect you being a vegetarian but that doesn't extend to you respecting that she isn't !

SquareRootOfPie · 17/12/2015 21:22

hedgehogs, ha ha at the unicorn roaming around in the forest. Throw that on a spit roast and put it on the julbord? Surely there are side dishes served with the meats? what's the scandi equivalent of roast potatoes? sweet potato mash? Parsnips? Brussel sprouts?! or when you say no vegetables at all...... do you mean it. more room for dessert

Original poster
queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 21:23

Starters is borscht with cream and potatoes (not scandi I know but really nice)
main course is butternut squash vegducken
www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/vegducken with roated vegetables, salsa and gravy
pudding is home made cheese cake with Swedish knack toffee and gingerbread to finish.

OP posts:
BikeGeek · 17/12/2015 21:24

Caramelised potatoes in denmark - delicious

Concerned97 · 17/12/2015 21:24

This is more about her personal power struggle with you than her absolute need to have Christmas dinner with meat, IMO.

Totally this, it's nothing to do with a slice of chicken!

Your house, your rules!

BumWad · 17/12/2015 21:24

I am a big meat eater and I think YANBU

Your meant sounds lovely

Bogeyface · 17/12/2015 21:24

I dont see the problem tbh, its a bit of chicken that she will eat, its hardly the same as forcing you to eat it.

Just compromise, ask her to carve it at home and bring what she wants in a tupperware that she can serve herself in the kitchen.

She gets meat with her meal, you dont have to see the meat on the table.

I get that you say that you have had a bad year with her this year, so surely trying to meet her halfway would be better than both of you stubbornly digging your heels in? The fact is that for Xmas some people really dont think lunch is lunch without meat of some kind, its not a normal meal so a bit of give and take would go a long way. Refusing to give an inch in this instance is hardly in the spirit of Xmas.

BumWad · 17/12/2015 21:24

Arrghh menu!

remembermewhen · 17/12/2015 21:24

That food sounds amazing !!!!

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 17/12/2015 21:27

Can I come in her place?? That main looks fantastic.

You are def not being unreasonable! :)

airforsharon · 17/12/2015 21:28

remembermewhen but the OP is the host, and the cook. Would you think it ok to accept an invite to lunch then take your own and plonk it in the middle of the table, simply because you didn't fancy what the host had prepared?

Allergies, veganism, vegetarianism aside, surely it's polite to eat what's been cooked? Or just decline the invitation. OP's mother doesn't need to have chicken, is having another Christmas meal before then and happily ate OP's vegetarian offering last year.

Junosmum · 17/12/2015 21:28

Your meal sounds lovely. If you want a traditional turkey and trimmings, don't accept an offer that won't provide that!

SirNiallDementia · 17/12/2015 21:28

Your mother is mad if she is not liking the sound of your veggie menu - absolutely lovely.

TendonQueen · 17/12/2015 21:29

Another carnivore here who thinks it's incredibly rude to effectively tell your vegetarian hosts that their meal isn't good enough. If she wants chicken so much, she can eat it at her own home! And the menu sounds really nice.