To think this is really rude? [Xmas card-related]

[BatteryHenPecked]

Me and DH have been together 10 years, married just over 2 years.

DH's aunty every year sends us a card addressed thus;

Steven and wife

We laugh about what a twat she is but seriously, this is really rude, right? I have multiple issues with various members of DH's family seeing me as not a 'proper' family member and this is just totally indicative.

We don't send her a Christmas card and we obviously don't expect one.

I just don't get (a) why you'd send a card to someone whose name you don't know and (b) why the fuck you wouldn't just ask PILs what my name is.

If you (I mean dp and you as a unit) don't send her a card, could it be that she does expect one and thinks The Wife should be responsible. Therefore you are at fault for her lack of card and she's being all passive aggressive about it?

Not a difficult concept contessa. Same here. I've had the same name since birth, thirty years now!

I have a family member who does this

My name is Kate but people call me Katie - family member Always spells it KATY. Drives me mad.

if I'm writing cards for colleagues (where I dont know know specific family members' names) I write "to x and family" if I do know their names then I write all I their names. Its rude otherwise. I would continue to do what you're doing already and ignore, ignore, ignore!!!

Krampus I'd not thought of that. Everyone knows we don't really 'do' cards. To be honest, she should have got the message now. We've been together 10 years!

How about to Steven's batshit crazy unbelievably rude Aunt.

OP I feel your pain - DH's family have never accepted me, to the extent that his 'd'sis said she was dd's only aunt - her sil didn't count, and neither did my aunt (being dd's great aunt). And that's after 38 years.

His crime - to marry someone from 'over the water' (mad Scousers one and all)

Do you have a -y or -ie name?or a tricky to spell one?

Could it be that aunt cannot remember how to spell your name and so thinks she has a cunning ploy to cover up?!

I've definitely written 'and children' or 'and family' in the past to people we've not seen for ages - I know they have children but can't remember how many or names!

Buy her this card:

pbs.twimg.com/media/BZnofBvIYAAfzOK.jpg

Jeffrey No, my name's three letters. Consonant, vowel, consonant. Very simple. English name. Think Ben or Sam but for a girl.

I deliberately do not write any cards to DH's family. I consider that to be his job. I make sure there are a few left for Dec 23rd whenever he decides to do it, but otherwise I carefully do not get involved. Thankfully they are grown-up and liberal enough not to consider cards 'women's work' and blame me for their absence....

Having said that I did make up 2 FunkyPigeon cards for StepMIL+FIL and MIL this year, because they rarely see photos of the kids and so I thought they'd like them.....

ConferencePear I read your post before your username and thought 'conference' was an old fashioned word for no better than she should be mistress/ live-in-lover! I'm slightly disappointed it isn't!

My sister-in-law always writes 'to Tom and wife' inside the card even though we've been married over 25 years and she's known me as long. Tom and i just laugh. I'm not offended. I know she adores her brother and just sees me as an appendage. She's actually a very kind hearted person but has a blind spot where I'm concerned.

Should be 'd'sil

That's rude. And crazy. Especially if you've only been married 2 years and she's done it for 10.

Mackerel Oh no, before we were married it was Steven and girlfriend

My mum used to do something similar.

She would send us Xmas cards addressed to us with my DP's name within inverted commas. As if she wasn't convinced that was her real name.

It still makes us laugh.

My MIL refuses to use my name she calles me PAQ HusbandsName for the first few years i made comments, my OH got it from her about ME being rude.
I don't mind mr and mrs husbands name as that is just lazy hadwriting as we get an equal number to mr and mrs my name.

Jesus that'd have me fuming!!

YANBU. It's rude! And the poster whose DD is adopted so people don't know her surname I don't understand how some people's minds work.

DPs mum is bad for this but I think it's scattiness and thoughtless rather than being intentionally rude. She always gets mine and DS's names wrong (think Lucy instead of Louisa, that type of thing). We don't see her often as DP has an odd relationship with her but she's met me several times and should know my name by now!

The worst one was when she sent a birthday card to DP, a week late, with the wrong surname on it and a nickname that no one has ever called him (including herself). We just laughed, i don't think it was deliberate but I was that she forgot her own sons name and birthday

I'd send her a card signed Battery and Husband.

Oh yes.. YANBU.

Every time I see a letter addressed "Mr and Mrs DH" I get cross.

I realise the older generation see marriage as some sort of achievement, the only thing a woman can aspire to. For me, it just says fuck all the years at uni, the career, the person you are in your own right, and your hard earned title, but yay! you got married and now belong to a man! You are worth something because you found a man to validate your life.

I have never used Dh's name. His family know that,- they have openly said that I'm not a real Dr (PhD), and I think they deliberately use Mrs DH too make the point that they don't consider my title "real", it's just my little woman's job I make too much of a fuss about.

I do give any cards addressed Mr and Mrs to DH and tell them we have his parents post again :).

Some of my family just address cards to first name, first name and DC. Which I much, much prefer to any stupid bickering over titles and ownership.

My DD has my surname. Every birthday and Christmas DPs family send cards addressed to her with DPs surname. I let it go because I figure they probably just don't know. Then for her birthday PIL sent a parcel addressed to Miss first name with a very pointed lack of surname. They definitely know and can't claim to not know what my surname as I've been living with their son for six years and they always manage to address my cards properly so it was clearly sour grapes. It made me feel really ragey actually.

they have openly said that I'm not a real Dr (PhD), and I think they deliberately use Mrs DH too make the point that they don't consider my title "real", it's just my little woman's job I make too much of a fuss about.

That is terrible! I am fuming on your behalf Micah

Is your name Bob Battery?

How old is the aunt OP? Is there any chance she's a bit forgetful and can't remember?

Because otherwise this is spectacularly rude.