Where do you stand on this one...

[Marilynsbigsister]

I'm not going to NC but will be slightly oblique about circumstances as quite identifying . Two very young 20 yr olds in a relationship. Been together 3 months. Male at Uni but lives at home, female working also living at home. The boy has mentioned to his parents (actually his mum mostly) that cracks are starting to appear because she is keen to move on to the next level and is putting the pressure on to get a flat together and 'settle down'. Boy has told her 'definitely not at the moment' his plans include post graduate study abroad for a couple of years . Anyway, the dilemma.. 2 days after the 'settle down' conversation, there was a contraception failure. Condom split, (apparently it was not just a small tear but from top all way to base. ) Boy has been taught from early on that he must be responsible for his own fertility and insisted on condoms as he is adamant he doesn't want children yet although gf is on the pill. Boy is now beside himself with worry, he begged his gf to go with him to get morning after pill. Gf reaction has been to refuse saying that if she gets pregnant against all these odds then it is meant to be . Boy is the sort to do the right thing. Would give up career goals of he had children to support. I know all the ins and outs because mum is close relative. Mum believes gf is manipulating her son into parenthood because this happened literally a couple of days after discussing settling down. What is the right thing to do if she is pregnant. ? Does he give up his plans and support a child he does not wish to have, took precautions to avoid and made his feelings very clear BEFORE conception. Or does he suck it up, leave Uni and get a job to support the child and learn never again have sex with someone he doesn't want to have a child with. ? For my part I have met the gf a few times so not enough to form an opinion except that she is much more mature than her boyfriend. (My relative is livid and truly believes she 'doctored the condoms - which would be impossible - she is too angry to be logical !)
BTW she was due AF on Monday. Apparently there are pts that are accurate to a few days late so all a bit tense in female relatives household at the moment.

Actually, I think this thread is bullshit.

There. I said it.

This 'naice boy' sounds like a pathetic, nasty dickhead who treats his girlfriend like shit and is using her for sex. I hope this girl is not pregnant and she never needs to have anything to do with your nephew again, for her sake.

He was lucky. Hope he's learned a lesson.

Whereas if my son was in this situation he would be powerless. They could both have been silly, foolish, careless. Or maybe just unlucky. But one has power and one doesn't.

Of course, and this is down to biology. There isnt a way round this that will give men more power that doesnt diminish that of women. Is there? It is how it is. It isnt fair, however, it isnt due to women taking control from men. Men have control up to the point the put their penis in a woman. That is the extent of their control. Women are not taking control from men by exercising their own control over their own bodies after the sex. Men really need to get their heads round the fact that their control ends at X point and there is precisely fuck all point whingeing afterwards that women have control beyond that point. Its just how it is. Its biology. Men arent being hard done by because women have control of their own bodies. Nothing is being taken from men. There needs to be a real attitude adjustment wrt this fact.

Aye and Rude spot on...

If I had to put money on it I would say she isn't and saw DN as a 'suitable baby father' who's family would provide for the child even if bf couldn't

Lol. Sure she did... It was all a grand plan by the evil, scheming scummy girl whose only hope of bagging herself a naice middle class life was to ensnare your lovely naive, super-intelligent nephew.

I wonder if he struggled to keep his face straight when he was giving mummy the "she tricked me mama, i swear!" Do you think he even managed to squeeze a tear out?

I agree with you, OP. A girl who is so shamelessly needy that she will plop on the floor at a man's parents' house, begging and wailing for him to "love" her, is utterly pathetic and rather contemptible. She needs to get some serious mental health treatment and your DN should spend a long time contemplating the bullet he dodged.

Given the prevailing "heads I win, tails you lose" attitude of women on this thread, let's hope your DN learned a serious lesson here and is way more careful about whom he has sex with in future. Or banks some sperm and gets a vasectomy, which is what I'd do if I were a man today. Hard to believe in the 21st century people still think men should "suffer consequences" for daring to want sex with a willing woman.

Do let us know what happens and whether your sister is forced to call the police to evict Delusional Girl.

The lads bad just because he's called the ex gf a fruitcake?
So noone has ever insulted their ex when they've been mad?
If he'd been sat in my hallway refusing to move i'd have called him worse than that.
There is the possibility that she was trying to trap him.
Why is it automatically assumed that this boy is the bad one and the girl is the one to be pitied?

Hard to believe in the 21st century people still think men should "suffer consequences" for daring to want sex with a willing woman.

Are you serious?
Please say you're not.

Women always suffer consequences for "daring to want sex with a willing man" ... and for being raped by men, too.

But you are upset that men don't get to have consequence-free sex?

Maybe you just shouldn't live in the 21st century. The Middle Ages may have suited you better. Ah, the good old times, when a man could have sex with a willing or unwilling woman, and at worst catch an STD! No child support payments, ever, wasn't that great?

In situations like this, men should be able to legally absolve themselves of any financial responsibility. Women can do it, so men should be able to as well.

Bollocks. You may as well do away with the (almost useless anyway) CSA in that case, and just rely on men having the goodwill to contribute towards the children they father. "No, no, no, I never wanted them, I was coerced! Bye kids! Look me up if you ever get rich!" Women can do it (if it means abort) because pregnancy is a condition that happens to their bodies. But women don't just get to absolve themselves of financial responsibility - women who walk out on their families are also technically culpable for support. It just happens a hell of a lot less.

It's also bollocks for the mother to suggest he's being manipulated into fatherhood, unless she's implying the girl sabotaged the condom, and is lying about taking the pill. A lot of young people are very moralistic, and it's not unusual for a 20 year old to think that if something is to happen, it was fated. It's daft, but it's quite normal. The boy is also being quite daft getting in such a panic when his gf was also taking her own contraception. Chances are it'll be fine.

Who are these delicate precious men that must be protected from the consequences of their actions? The same consequences that the women must deal with either way (go through termination and all that entails or continue pregnancy, birth and motherhood) why are these men to be shielded from those same consequences?

Consequences?...what like a child?...sorry if I don't feel 'sorry' for a man willing to have sex and then damn the 'Consequences' child...

Why is it automatically assumed that this boy is the bad one and the girl is the one to be pitied?

Because he put his penis into her while not wanting a child while she ... took part in this while wanting a child.

She has no problem with the naturally occuring consequences of sex, he has. Who is being unreasonable here?

So far, there is no proof that she messed with the condom. If she did, yes, that wouldn't have been nice, but there's no proof. Innocent until proven guilty, you know?

And it still wouldn't mean that the boy has any right to decide what happens with her body.
Or should not have to pay child support.

And I'm not saying the lady in question might be 'touched' but to me it seems very convenient that now she's the 'crazy' ex girl-friend..Just saying ...so many stories

I also think he should end the relationship now, regardless of the outcome of the pregnancy test. 3 months is way too quick to "move on to the next level" for the vast majority of relationships (I know there are exceptions!)

So yes, under the circs I would say this has the potential to have been engineered, and would say he should get out of the relationship and do his best to carry on with his own plans. He should though, unfortunately, try to find some way in which he can financially support his child, if there is one. Because regardless of circumstances, the child will still be half his, and he has a duty to support it, even if he never wanted it in the first place.

But as others have said - he has no obligation to stay with its mother, and is likely to end up miserable and resentful if he does.

It used to be that women held all the risk in sex. If they got pregnant they couldn't get rid of the baby, and they couldn't always prove the father. Men skated free.

Now, with contraception, abortion and DNA testing, the worm has turned.

It's not fair, but my advice to young men today would be the same as it was to women for centuries. And that is: be very careful; don't be promiscuous; take the time to make sure you can really trust the person you are sleeping with.

Its funny how so many women become "crazy" exes when (in this case anyway) just a matter of days previously he was happy to share a bed with her and take all the risks that sex entails. Is it the sex that makes women crazy do you think?

Rude

In situations like this, men should be able to legally absolve themselves of any financial responsibility. Women can do it, so men should be able to as well

Utter bollocks. There are 2 sure fire ways for a man to ensure he never has responsibility for a baby.

1. Don't have sex with a woman
2. Get sterilised.

Dixie after all his begging she refused to take the MAP...

So she bears no responsibility in this at all?
It is his simply because he had sex with her?

I would think my ex a fruitcake if he suddenly started behaving like this.
I don't get from the op that he thought the gf a fruitcake before this just that there were problems in the relationship.