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Original poster

To decide i won't be friends with people based on their energy

195 replies

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 13:36

DP would say I am, but in the last yr or so i've become really aware of the energy that people give out.

Some people repel me like the same poles of a magnet. For example NDN from the day i met him I just felt a really bad buzz about him, and i'll be honest i havn't given him any time because i feel due to this we won't be friends (and other reasons)

There's a mum at school who we chat and she's nice all fine, but i know we could never be close friends because she has a different energy.

And then there's some people, in particular one of the dad's at school (before anyone starts this is not an attraction thing!) who has such a calming, positive energy i feel totally comfortable and can quite happily stand near him in comfortable happy silence.

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:48

on a tangent it is true that horses are incredibly susceptible to people's mood and body language, they can sense how you are feeling.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 15/12/2015 14:49

Honestly op I wouldn't credit this with the word spiritual. It;s not, it's just you choosing to make a judgement about someone on first meetings. Let's not dignify it with a woo label.

I worry that you make snap judgements and write people off. That's rarely a good thing. I hated my husband on sight. We've been married for 32 years now.

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 14:50

To me it sounds like you don't like extroverted people.

You, like all of us, watch for social cues and form your opinion on it.

Because you were brought up in a religious way, your brain probably automatically connects it to something spiritual. Rather than just a judgment.

You are reading energy or aura. You are picking up on social cues. You are an introvert and find extroverts uncomfortable to be around.

That's fine. But when you start saying its down to reading energy and auras , it's nonsense.

The OP should really say

'Should I make friends with people I am not comfortable around'

That would give entirely different answers.

As Bertie says, my mil hasn't always been like this. Dh said it started off with 'he gives out bad vibes' and has grown to the point that it's all consuming for her and everyone around her.

She keeps telling me how my kids (one that's a girl that she said would be a boy and one she insisted would never exist) were born to save humanity Confused

I don't really like them being around her.

firesidechat · 15/12/2015 14:50

Happily married by the way. I haven't hated him for all that time. Smile

Jw35 · 15/12/2015 14:51

Op I know what you mean and yanbu. I don't start conversations with people who don't seem open, friendly or positive. People definitely do have an aura. Thing is you're asking a bunch of people on here who you can't see and can't make those judgements about. How can you trust what they say? Confused

MaidOfStars · 15/12/2015 14:51

ok well i will scrap the word energy then

I think this is a good thing not least when there are scientists around

I suspect you feel there's something "woo" to your perceptions though?

I think that if you went back to your OP and replaced all the "energy" talk with "bad vibes" or "gut instinct*", it wouldn't really be worthy of an OP, would it? I get a bad feeling about my neighbour, I don't really click with a Mum at school, and so on. Well, that's just life and experiences that we all have.

*Point of order: it is "intuition", not "instinct", "Instinct" is a motor behaviour, like jumping out of a nest for the first time and "knowing" to flap your wings.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:52

no i'm not saying i'm immune to that but because of the way i have grown up i know not to judge books by their cover in terms of looks.

You have really misunderstood. I'm not a nasty person, I don't think i'm better than anybody else if anything i suffer from anciety and low confidence. I am a friendly person and enjoy many social interactions with people, i'm just talking about when we feel comfortable to open up and trust people with personal information etc.

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 15/12/2015 14:52

People definitely do have an aura
Evidence?

firesidechat · 15/12/2015 14:52

She sounds ill Enjolrass. Not excusing it, but that doesn't sound normal.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:53

I suspect you feel there's something "woo" to your perceptions though?

No i don't believe in psychic stuff, i don't believe i'm special far from it.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 15/12/2015 14:54

I wouldnt be put off by your woo woo vibes OP. I love that shit!

Pipestheghost · 15/12/2015 14:55

Tbh you just come across as very judgemental.

firesidechat · 15/12/2015 14:56

But you don't have to trust your neighbour or open up to him. Just smile and say hello. You really don't need to put everyone you meet into a box based on anything other than "do you like them". Sometimes it takes time to work that out.

IceBeing · 15/12/2015 14:56

Okay firstly, everybody does this. We judge people very rapidly and obviously very superficially because the data you get in under a second of seeing someone is there appearance (skin colour, attractiveness etc.) their body language/facial expressions, clothes/make up etc. We use this to decide in the primitive part of our brains if they are friend or foe. This primitive reflex is amongst other things sexist, racist, disablist, (also anti-goth, anti-ugly, anti-piercings so on and so on).

So most people then override the primitive assessment, actually talk to someone, get to know them and overlay some higher level thinking on top of the gut determined result.

Secondly, it has absolutely nothing to do with magnets, energy, auras etc. Nothing. It has everything to do with rapid stereotyping.

Thirdly, claig agreeing with you is a fairly reliable indicator that you are wrong.....or is that my rapid stereotyping at work?

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 14:56

She sounds ill Enjolrass. Not excusing it, but that doesn't sound normal.

I agree. For years dh has just written it off as 'that's just mum'.

Lately though he has become more worried.

They moved 2 hours away because she wanted to live near a ley line. They live in the middle of nowhere. She has become obsessed with people she speaks to on FB and FIL is very isolated.

She isn't very nice to Fil either. She believes she married beneath her. Confused

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 14:58

Sordid, I'm sorry I'm being hard on you but I DO NOT think you're nasty. You're STILL equating judgement and assumptions = nasty and thinking you're better than everybody else. That's a false equivalency.

WE ALL DO IT. We ALL make assumptions about people based on how they look, dress, hold themselves. EVERYONE. If someone says they don't, they're a liar. It's hardwired onto our brains.

Maybe you feel guilty that you do that and so have convinced yourself that you actually are privy to secret "aural" information about people, I don't know. But there's nothing inherently wrong with making assumptions about someone, unless you use that information to colour how you interact with them - which you do.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:59

Sorry icebeing i realise that that is true, we are quite primal in terms of grouping and stereotyping etc, but i firmly believe in equality, and do not judge people based on those things whatsoever,

HENCE my post where i'm saying that gut instinct or vibe, completely transcending people's appearance but rather picking up a vibe based on what is probably a mix of mood, posture, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 15:01

Jesus christ darth vader i'm not some sort of closest racist homophobe?!

you guys couldn't be more wrong i'm friends with people from all walks of life, backgrounds etc, equality is one of my firmest beliefs and a large part of why i can't tolerate the religion i was raised in!

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 15:01

closet

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 15:01

and do not judge people based on those things whatsoever

Oh, FFS. I give up.

claig · 15/12/2015 15:02

'and thinking you're better than everybody else'

I don't think that is it at all. She senses a big difference that may not be compatible, that is all. You can be polite to everyone and not be enemies with anyone but that doesn't mean you want to spend time or be friends with everyone.

TheoriginalLEM · 15/12/2015 15:03

on the fence about this one - often people with "positve energy" are very companionable and easy to get on with. They are people magnets - and often turn out to be quite self absorbed and shallow. I have found this many times so am actually quite wary for those sort of people now.

Of course there are people who are genuinely lovely and give out the same positive vibe but my experiences have made me wary which is a shame.

It just takes me longer to warm to people nowadays which is fine.

IceBeing · 15/12/2015 15:04

sordid of course you judge people on 'those things' everybody does. Its whether you then consciously correct the stereotyping that matters.

We are programmed to trust people who look more like us...there is no shame in it, just biological fact. The shame is in not doing anything to compensate for our programming.

lorelei9 · 15/12/2015 15:07

I'm interested that you are an atheist and say you are not "spiritual".

I'd say the same of myself but I don't use terms like "energy". I think you have instincts about people, rightly or wrongly. I am also an introvert and very careful about the people I make friends with.

with a neighbour, I think extra protective instincts kick in because they are too close for comfort!!

claig · 15/12/2015 15:07

'We are programmed to trust people who look more like us'

But that is not what the OP is talking about. Appearance has nothing to do with it, which is why she mentioned an invisible type of energy in trying to get to the heart of what it is. It is not visible, it is intuitive, it is a sense, a feeling.

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