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AIBU?

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Original poster

To decide i won't be friends with people based on their energy

195 replies

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 13:36

DP would say I am, but in the last yr or so i've become really aware of the energy that people give out.

Some people repel me like the same poles of a magnet. For example NDN from the day i met him I just felt a really bad buzz about him, and i'll be honest i havn't given him any time because i feel due to this we won't be friends (and other reasons)

There's a mum at school who we chat and she's nice all fine, but i know we could never be close friends because she has a different energy.

And then there's some people, in particular one of the dad's at school (before anyone starts this is not an attraction thing!) who has such a calming, positive energy i feel totally comfortable and can quite happily stand near him in comfortable happy silence.

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:30

well fireside it's difficult really, when you've been indoctrinated from a young age in a cult like religion it's quite a journey to get out of that and reset yourself to the real world.

That's made me quite anti-religion, but sometimes i see interrsting discussion about spirituality and it makes me think, but on the whole i don't really understand what exactly it is to be spiritual or what spirituality consists of. So if you asked me i'd say no, but like i said i have considered it.

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 15/12/2015 14:30

No it's not light or heat, that's why i said energy because it's just a sensing thing

In which case, I refer you to my very first answer, the second one here:

Energy is the capacity of a system to emit light or heat, or to perform work

Light is energy. Heat is energy. Something moving possesses energy. Something about to fall possesses energy. Electrons rattling about in a wire possess energy.

Energy is a physical property, and one that can be detected. What form of energy is being emitted/possessed and how are you detecting it?

How are you conceptualising "energy"?

lostInTheWash · 15/12/2015 14:30

YABU to use word energy

vibes, gut instinct non verbal cues - that I can understand and no we are set up that way.

Having said that some people improve upon getting to know them IME.

Others manage to give bad first impressions but are lovely people - thinks of a close relative of mine who has opposite of charm but really tries with people and gets upset he manages to upset people and is a very caring individual under it all.

Having said that I personally have limited contact with people who are relentlessly negative as they bring me down so much and there are times I can't cope with that.

Incidental ghosts or left over energy aren't real IMO - subconscious suggestions, certain minds predisposed to believe, cold spots, sound vibrations that vibrate our eye balls but we can't fully detect - so know something is happening explain most things I think.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 14:31

I wonder if OP uses this "energy sensing" in her job and if it affects how she deals with customers / clients.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:32

darth vader i have to disagree with you again.

Why would i care about people's clothes, looks posture etc when i don't give two tiny shits about those things?! i don't, i spend half my week making a small effort, and the other half with my hair a mess, in comfy clothes and zero makeup, i couldn't give a toss how people look.

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:32

I agree claig, having aspergers does NOT whatsoever mean you have negative energy why would it? people suggesting this have misunderstood.

OP posts:
AliceScarlett · 15/12/2015 14:33

Could it be transference?

Do this if you want: socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/ or if not on a desktop comp:
well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/03/well-quiz-the-mind-behind-the

You might be picking up on subtle emotional ques. Some people are better at this than others. (I got the highest score, I find it a bloody curse)

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 14:33

What cult were you brought up in?
Are you family still part of it?

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:34

Yes, please don't be pedantic on the word energy, thank you for the links will read now. I only use that word because i don't know what else to call it and it's what first springs to mind. It totally may be the wrong word to use!

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BipBippadotta · 15/12/2015 14:34

YANBU not to be friends with someone 'just because'. Happens all the time. Nobody's under any obligation to be anyone else's friend.

Personally I cannot bear the language of 'energy', though. Possibly because I've known too many people for whom 'so-and-so has negative energy' = 'so-and-so has a different viewpoint from mine and I will not tolerate people who don't agree with me'.

As others have said, whatever 'energy' is, there'll be your 'energy' in the mix as well, influencing how you get on.

I guess if you accept that 'energy' is in the eye of the beholder, and you are not claiming to be objectively perceiving the truth of someone else's 'essence' or whatever, it's just a matter of terminology, where 'I don't like their energy' = 'I don't like them'.

I think it's the energy talk that lends a sheen of mystical bs to it & gets people's hackles up.

Branleuse · 15/12/2015 14:35

i think it wouldnt be a positive thing to write someone off too quickly. We all have bad days/weeks, but yeah I think in general, some peoples energy you can just feel. Some people are just exhausting to be around. Some people lift you up. Their energies are just putting a name onto something that most of us feel to some extent.
"I dont like her - i dont know why, but something about her gives me the creeps"
" I dont trust him and I dont know why"
"I met them, and I just knew we should be friends"

If youre inclined to be a bit woo, then you talk about their energies I guess.

Ive had to leave rooms because ive just found the energy in the room overwhelming.

BertieBotts · 15/12/2015 14:35

LOL Enjol. I don't have a brother.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:35

No darthvader i don't use it in my job. I'm a sahm atm who writes books. But in the past i've worked with horses and other jobs all with no issue Hmm

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 14:36

Why would i care about people's clothes, looks posture etc when i don't give two tiny shits about those things?!

Are you deliberately being obtuse?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 14:37

OOOOH, did the horses have any energy? Did you decide not to work with one horse because he was putting out negative horsiness?

MaidOfStars · 15/12/2015 14:37

It is totally the wrong word to use. I suspect you will stick to it though, as you have completely rejected the highly likely and well studied system of non verbal cues as the most likely cause.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:37

enjolrass the christadelphians, and yeah a significant number are.

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lostInTheWash · 15/12/2015 14:38

Why would i care about people's clothes, looks posture etc when i don't give two tiny shits about those things?!

People make judgements about such things without really thinking consciously about it all the time.

Postures/body language do give a lot of information about people about their current mood and how they are feeling.

I understand people who have grown up in very difficult circumstances with unpredictable adults are often very good cold readers -makes sense to avoid being hurt they tune into adults looking for little signs to interpret their moods - picking up unconsciously on what other less observant and less trained miss.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:39

darth vader i think we can be sure that you're deliberately being a bit of a twat Hmm

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VestalVirgin · 15/12/2015 14:40

It is your right to decide not to be friends with someone. It doesn't matter why you don't want to be friends with them - a friendship doesn't work if you don't really like someone.

YANBU, but maybe don't talk about "energy", most people don't believe in that sort of stuff and it will make you sound crazy.

Also, keep an eye on how much your perceptions differ from the ones of people around you. Just in case this is a mental health issue.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 14:40

ok well i will scrap the word energy then.

that was a good point stobart about using it as an excuse/comfort zone thing

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BertieBotts · 15/12/2015 14:41

My mum didn't either when she first got into it.

Just, you know, be aware that there is this whole belief system, which claims to be the very antidote to religion, which is very pervasive. It starts harmlessly with homeopathy and feelings of "energy" and it slides into crystals, angels, ghosts and other "woo" and all of that is fine and harmless as long as you don't get sucked into it. Honestly, I think that it contributed to feelings of anxiety I had when younger because I was so worried about my "negative thoughts". It's taken me a long time to pacify myself and convince myself that thoughts are just thoughts and they don't make bad or good things happen.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 14:44

Oooh, name calling. You really have the spiritual edge on me.

Are you still failing to understand the dictionary definition of "judging" that I gave you? That at no point did I say you would only be friends with well-quaffed people in 3 piece-suits / Gucci dresses? Yet you seem to think that is the only way in which you can "judge" someone.

We pass people every day and make subconscious assumptions about who they are and how they act based on the way they look. Are you saying you are immune to making these micro-judgements?

nauticant · 15/12/2015 14:46

I have to confess to being intrigued by the concept of the negative energy horse.

Twinkie1 · 15/12/2015 14:48

Maybe you have few friends because people are avoiding the woo woo vibes you give out.

Seriously Confused