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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
Brioche201 · 17/12/2015 04:56

Even if they do take a crying or 'over participative' child out, they have already caused a disturbance

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/12/2015 07:22

Jasper Grin I think that would be the best solution, oh wait...

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/12/2015 07:28

I think my 7 year old has the best take on it.

I've just asked him whether at the nativity, mums and dads should it be allowed to bring baby brothers and sisters. I asked him whether he'd ever felt disturbed by babies crying.

First he looked all shocked and said "what and leave the babies home on their own", I said no leave them with someone else. He screwed his nose up, shook his head shrugged and said "I don't know, who cares".

Mistigri · 17/12/2015 07:29

For all the people saying "get a babysitter", how the fuck do you find a babysitter for a 5 week old? Unless you have a family member lined up it's a non starter, and even more so if the baby is breastfed.

I don't really understand the point of a nativity play unless it's a community event. It's not a professional production, so what if kids forget their lines/ siblings make a bit of noise/ everything isn't shiny and perfect? That's not the point of it, or it shouldn't be :( It should be about celebrating Christmas, about getting the school community together, about goodwill between pupils, parents, teachers and others connected with the school.

IF the reason given was space then there was no reason to assume that a babe in arms would be refused, and plainly quite a few parents of infants assumed the same (I would have done; it's not about disregarding rules, it simply wouldn't cross my mind that a school would effectively ban parents with small babies).

As is often the case the replies to this thread are far more U than the OP - the only unreasonable thing the OP did was lugging a car seat into a school hall, they are bulky and Inappropriate in a confined space.

IamMummyhearmeROAR · 17/12/2015 07:37

It's a nativity, not a west end show. Babies are part of life, families are part of the school community. All should be embraced esp at something so joyful. HT should have made an announcement at start that all crying or unsettled children should be removed. I'm a teacher in the midst of a nativity week-all welcome in our stable!

Bunbaker · 17/12/2015 07:38

"I watched my children's school concert this evening. They have spent every evening practising for 6 weeks to get their parts right"

When DD was at primary school they always invited parents with young children with babies and toddlers and who couldn't get childcare to the final dress rehearsal so that they didn't miss out. It meant that the rest of the parents could enjoy an uninterrupted performance.

StrictlyMumDancing · 17/12/2015 08:00

In my experience, those who think the rules don't apply to them are the same people that won't take a disruptive child out.

This, a million times over.

In our school's 'important sessions' those who brought kids let them run wild, disrupting the sessions and ensuring every parent missed out on part of it. When they were finally asked to look after their kids or finally leave the response was 'but this is an important session for my child' with a refusal to go anywhere or watch their own kid whilst listening, just in case they missed anything Hmm. Probably the same people who will complain when they're told to leave the nativities when their kids act up.

AuntieStella · 17/12/2015 08:27

"how the fuck do you find a babysitter for a 5 week old?"

It's all the things that come with being in a community. So, neighbours and their old-enough children (aren't universities breaking up about now?), your antenatal and postnatal group friends (I've certainly looked after one only weeks old, along with my own, for a hour), from your church or other worship community (often a very good source), other friends.

Yes, 5 weeks is very young and sometimes you do have to miss things when you have a very new baby (not least as you don't know exactly when they'll turn up, or when you'll feel ready to go out at all) and older DC have to deal with that.

And the old advice on teaching even a breastfed baby to use a bottle (as at around the 6 week mark) is worth considering. Then it becomes possible to leave your baby for longer every now and again when you need to, and the range of things you can do with your other DC will normalise.

Sparklingbrook · 17/12/2015 08:41

Are we going to say Nativities aren't the same as anything else? From memory so far we have had the RSC, Royal Opera House, The Oscars and now a West End Show. Grin

LarrytheCucumber · 17/12/2015 08:41

"how the fuck do you find a babysitter for a 5 week old?" In my experience, for a half hour school play the ladies in the school office are usually only too happy to have a baby in a carseat for the duration of the performance. I believe someone who was a member of the office staff at a school said this earlier. In the unlikely event that the baby cries and cannot be pacified by cuddling, walking up and down, rocking the carseat or whatever, the mother can be quietly fetched from the performance.

GlacindaTheTroll · 17/12/2015 08:48

PTA crèche is probably better than leaving with office staff. If OP's school/PTA is aware of this thread and the importance she attaches to facilitating the attendance of those with under-5s, they'll be delighted!

Because she's an obvious person with motivation enough to do something, so could to set it up and coordinate it, and with a newborn, might be at the school for another 11 years or so. It would be an excellent win-win solution.

Bunbaker · 17/12/2015 08:49

"It's all the things that come with being in a community. So, neighbours and their old-enough children (aren't universities breaking up about now?), your antenatal and postnatal group friends (I've certainly looked after one only weeks old, along with my own, for a hour), from your church or other worship community (often a very good source), other friends."

You are making massive assumptions AuntieStella. I didn't know anyone that fits the above description when DD was born.

MrsHathaway · 17/12/2015 09:04

When DD was at primary school they always invited parents with young children with babies and toddlers and who couldn't get childcare to the final dress rehearsal so that they didn't miss out. It meant that the rest of the parents could enjoy an uninterrupted performance

Yes, I think this is ideal. At DCs' school the audience for the dress rehearsal is the juniors and the attached preschool (each typically 50-70% siblings) so it would be too full for mummies and baby-babies, but the principle is the same.

AuntieStella · 17/12/2015 09:14

Bunbaker I was thinking of the links you build up in the first 4 or 5 years of the reception age DC, not a 5 week old first born (who you would have no reason to take to a school nativity).

And yes, I do know that not every suggestion works for everybody, and that some people are dreadfully isolated, for all sorts of reasons, and have a much harder time.

LarrytheCucumber · 17/12/2015 09:16

Glacinda Grin

JasperDamerel · 17/12/2015 09:48

Lots of people move house with a second baby, though, and have to start over with lots of those connections. And even then, it's pretty irrelevant, as i don't know anyone who would have been happy to leave their 5 week old for anything other than an emergency.

JasperDamerel · 17/12/2015 09:55

It does look as though what people would actually like would be one family-friendly, inclusive performance, and one "professional" type performance. Everyone would be welcome at the first one, with basic etiquette guidelines about noise, cameras etc. The second one would have a silent audience, no devices, no children, no adults with coughs or who might need the loo, or have to leave the room for some reason.

JasperDamerel · 17/12/2015 09:55

I'd go to the first one.

MidniteScribbler · 17/12/2015 11:19

"how the fuck do you find a babysitter for a 5 week old?"

For the OP, her partner was able to attend one show, and she attended the other. No big deal, they both saw the show and the child had someone there for each performance. It seems pretty easy to me.

Headofthehive55 · 17/12/2015 16:38

Still astounded over the child who had to practise their lines every night for six weeks.

Mine always informed me what they were doing, and where they stood (so I knew where into sit) and could do their lines without any need for rehearsing at home.

Goodness help you when your child gets to A levels.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/12/2015 17:18

What a thoroughly unpleasant thing to say, Head.

Catsize · 17/12/2015 17:26

Don't worry SDTG, Headis off to night school every night for six weeks. I hear they have a special course in 'Learn to be nice'. Not an A-level though - she probably wouldn't pass.

HumphreyCobblers · 17/12/2015 20:04

Good god Headofthehive55. You win the prize for the most fatuously stupid comment of the entire year.

Sparklingbrook · 17/12/2015 20:09

I am astounded that just when the thread thankfull gone off the boil it got bumped again. And with that comment.

Sparklingbrook · 17/12/2015 20:09

*had thankfully

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