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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/12/2015 09:28

Bessie - the difference in your case was that you checked with the school - the OP didn't - she just assumed the rules didn't apply to her.

Letseatgrandma · 16/12/2015 09:54

But I said last night that when I asked if our no under 5s rules would apply to my 6day old baby

The key words there being 'when I asked'.

That is the courteous and polite thing to do.

The OP, on the other hand, decided it shouldn't apply to her and took her under 5 anyway, THEN got pissed off when they asked her to leave!

CassieBearRawr · 16/12/2015 10:37

Good job no one died and made you the boss of language eh pyjamas.

DisappointedOne · 16/12/2015 11:25

I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space

I didn't think babies were supposed to spend any longer in car seats than absolutely necessary. Bad for their backs and their airways.

Catsize · 16/12/2015 12:05

Now you have seen the play OP, what did Mary do with baby Jesus when he was born? Call a babysitter?

However, she could go on my lap in her car seat does not read the same as your later posts which suggest she was to be held on your lap and the car seat was a pain in the backside of a tripping hazard placed elsewhere in the room.

wonkylegs · 16/12/2015 12:12

Those going on about H&S and room occupancy in a fire - this is highly unlikely to be exceeded in these circumstances as a seated performance will use more space per person than the calculations which usually are based on standing people ( an area is given per person) and number of exits. If it was a standing only performance then this may apply. The capacity for rooms is often surprisingly high. ( I do capacity and escape flow calculations as part of my job).
H&S is often quoted as a reason for a decision by people who understand safety least - councils and schools are well known for doing this, which often leads to people rolling their eyes when they talk about H&S gone mad. It usually hasn't gone mad but people's interpretation is overly zealous.

Blacktealeaves · 16/12/2015 12:37

I would think there should be an exception for babes in arms, such as a 5 week old. There is such an exception in court, fgs, so would have thought it OK at a school nativity. Obviously take baby out of crying but with a little one you can usually keep them quiet with boob or bottle unless they have colic or something (in which case I wouldn't bring them).

I would have held the baby or used a car seat rather than sling though.

Blacktealeaves · 16/12/2015 12:38

Sorry other way round! I would use a sling rather than car seat.

Blacktealeaves · 16/12/2015 12:40

I would have checked first though just in case.

Our school has no such rules. I brought DS as a baby last year, but no way in hell would I have brought him this year as a toddler.

Morebiscuitsplease · 16/12/2015 12:53

Always took younger sibling, would have been very difficult to attend otherwise...no grandparents so all the more important we went. My yin grit was always good and if she wasn't, I would have taken her out. Simple. Also she enjoyed seeing her big sister. Our school does advise you to go out if they are noisy and she sat on my knee so no space issues. Not everyone has a babysitter at their disposal ...
Glad those rules were not imposed at our school .

Needaninsight · 16/12/2015 12:58

It's not as though you were kicked out when you arrived and knew nothing of the rule?

Should have got a babysitter. You were the one who thought the rule didn't apply to you.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 16/12/2015 12:59

surely if it is an infant school some of their own pupils will be under 5?

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 16/12/2015 13:05

This reply has been deleted

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BreconBeBuggered · 16/12/2015 13:17

wonkylegs, we were told we'd have to reduce our performance ticket allocations by the (external) fire safety officer. It wasn't something the school dreamed up to piss off parents. It was a pain in the arse, actually, but ignoring that advice so that nobody would scoff about 'elf n safety gone mad wasn't really an option.

Headofthehive55 · 16/12/2015 13:17

Let's hope no parents has Tourette's then, or epilepsy. Both have potential for dispruption and noise.
Still wondering what summer would have done in my case? I can just imagine. Presumably she would have banned me from every performance just because I had the misfortune to have a child with extra needs, who couldn't be left because nobody would / could look after her. And suck it up. How compassionate.

LarrytheCucumber · 16/12/2015 17:01

I went to my grandson's nativity today. One babe-in-arms (whose mother did her best to keep him quiet), no toddlers or preschoolers, and it was still quite hard to hear all the children with speaking parts. It has to be about the children who are performing, surely.

m0therofdragons · 16/12/2015 17:08

I watched dtds 1st nativity with a baby screaming and a fidgety 2 yo who was constantly being told to shhhhhh. It was really distracting for the little ones on stage. I completely get that you want to see your dc but the rest of us want to see and hear ours too. Our head made it clear that if little ones were noisy parents could take them to x or y so they didn't disturb the performance. When I used to watch dd1 I always paid a cm to look after dtds as I didn't want to miss dd1s show standing outside with my other dc screaming.
School told you the rule and you ignorantly and selfishly decided it didn't apply to you. Yabu

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 16/12/2015 17:52

I would think there should be an exception for babes in arms, such as a 5 week old. There is such an exception in court, fgs, so would have thought it OK at a school nativity

Ah but the MN Court is the harshest in the land Xmas Wink

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal Wed 16-Dec-15 13:05:37

You do realize your talking to a Mum with a New Born, who simply wanted to watch her DD in a nativity play.

You sound like your addressing a rapist or child murderer. Your tone in your post is horrific.

Glass houses and all that when it comes to talking about acting like a cunt. Xmas Hmm

Pyjamaramadrama · 16/12/2015 17:59

Zevitethis thread is full of complete and utter wankers

wonkylegs · 16/12/2015 18:08

Brecon - that may have been the case in your school but most places that won't be the case. My skepticism comes from the many many many other times the excuse is given because it's an easy opt out. It's those cases which make it a joke and mean that people don't believe it when there is a genuine reason.

MidniteScribbler · 16/12/2015 23:51

In my experience, those who think the rules don't apply to them are the same people that won't take a disruptive child out.

JasperDamerel · 17/12/2015 00:11

Maybe they should simplify things. Let's face it, parents can be pretty inconsiderate. Some of them being noisy babies in. Some of them cough at important moments. Some of them forget to turn off their phones. Some of them are tall and don't sit in the back row. Some of them take photos or videos and block the view for everyone else. And some kids are really disappointed that their parents, siblings etc can't go to the performance, because if childcare problems or work commitments. So be fair to everyone, and to stop the children from being distracted and getting stage fright and do on, the solution is obvious. Don't allow any family members to attend the nativity play. They just spoil it for everyone. The children can do the play without an audience, some can record it and sell copies to raise money for new equipment.Smile

Katarzyna79 · 17/12/2015 00:25

catsize baby Jesus banned....yes under 5 in the stables right? lol

IloveAntbuthateDec · 17/12/2015 01:35

I watched my children's school concert this evening. They have spent every evening practising for 6 weeks to get their parts right. Two babies screamed all the way through. I wont bother buying the (very expensive) video of the performance seeing as it was recorded today amongst the volume of screaming babies. There should be a blanket ban on under 5's attending school concerts :(

Nottodaythankyouorever · 17/12/2015 02:34

In my experience, those who think the rules don't apply to them are the same people that won't take a disruptive child out.

^ my experience too.

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