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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
ipsos · 15/12/2015 08:09

In our school everyone's allowed and any little ones that cry are just taken out of the hall by their parents until they stop crying. It works fine.

Dogsmom · 15/12/2015 08:09

I agree with the others you deliberately ignore the rule and didn't like the consequences, while I understand your disappointment it was self inflicted.

If you thought it was such a silly rule then you and all the other parents who chose to ignore it should've raised it beforehand.

Sirzy · 15/12/2015 08:10

I would have been pretty annoyed to have someone with a car seat on their knee sat behind me, the small space between rows would have meant it would be impossible not to bump it into people!

The school made the rule clear, and I can understand why they would want no little ones. Instead of talking to school before to see if an alternative could be found you decided to ignore the rule so can't complain you were asked to leave.

TeenAndTween · 15/12/2015 08:10

There may also be a capacity limit.

e.g. Our school as a legal limit of ~200 (including actors). babies would still count in those numbers, I think, so a load of parents turning up with babies puts them in breech of fire regulations.

I think having babies in a primary nativity is a bit unfair on the acting children. It is all very well saying you'll take them out if they cry, but in that time Johnny's one and only line may have been drowned out.

WanderingTrolley1 · 15/12/2015 08:10

Yabu.

The rules were stipulated. You should have made other arrangements for your LO.

Katz · 15/12/2015 08:10

Multiple car seats, pushchairs and prams is a health and safety risk, especially if there's no where to store them.

Original poster
nativity15 · 15/12/2015 08:11

I took her because the reason was due to seating and as she was in my arms didn't think it was a problem. If I had known it was a lie and because just no under 5s full stop I wouldn't have taken her...I didn't enjoy being embarrassed.

She was in a car seat as we walked round. It's pretty far but not too far so thought car seat would be best. We didn't want to take the pram due to the space issue...it's a big pram.

Thank you all for your opions

OP posts:
Chococroc · 15/12/2015 08:11

It may have been reasonable to think that maybe the rules wouldn't apply to such a smal baby but you were unreasonable to assume this and should have checked in advance.

CasperGutman · 15/12/2015 08:12

The school were unreasonable here if you ask me.

Firstly their rule was clearly stupid. If a primary school nativity can't be made a family-friendly event then they're doing it wrong! The children "performing" want their families to see them, and families include siblings.

Secondly, it sounds like they fabricated a "health and safety" reason to make the rule seem acceptable and/or to shut down debate. This is a bit of a bugbear of mine, as it makes health and safety seem silly.

Their fabricated justification (ie, insufficient seating) proved confusing as it seemed there would be no problem with babes in arms being in the audience. I would have assumed our baby could go.l, and in fact my wife and I took my son's baby sister to his nativity last week despite only having two tickets. The school were fine with this, and just suggested we sit near the aisle so we could take her out if she got upset.

The only thing we did differently to you was to use a sling or baby carrier to take up less space.

Alicewasinwonderland · 15/12/2015 08:12

YABU

In an ideal world, parents would keep their babies but take them out immediately if they started to be disruptive, but sadly they don't. People are becoming less and less respectful of others, it's a shame.

I completely agree with the school here. The rules were made very clear, they bother sending a letter to make sure everybody was aware of them. I am not sure why you thought it would be ok to completely ignore them?

In your case, you even said that there were 2 school performance, and your husband is on paternity leave (if I read correctly?) so you could easily have seen one each.

TSSDNCOP · 15/12/2015 08:13

The point is in your Op: LOTS of you were asked to leave. That's lots of under 5' who collectively will make lots of noise. That's noise that drowns out the efforts of the kids involved and lots of noise that pisses of the people who are able to read a clearly worded letter.

In other words yes, YABU.

MidnightAura · 15/12/2015 08:15

Yabu, you knew the rule and ignored it. Under 5s may be part of the community but if the letter specifically said they weren't allowed then parents should make alternative arrangements.

lighteningirl · 15/12/2015 08:16

I'm could well be the fire regulations, hall's have a set capacity and if all seats are sold plus those in the play the extra children mean the school is in breach. Maybe the school is being mean, maybe it's noise disruption, or maybe it's our culture of always putting schools and teachers in the wrong and believing rules don't apply to us coz we're special.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 15/12/2015 08:16

I missed DS's play in year 1 because DD was 4 weeks old and I couldn't take her in. If the school said no under 5s but you interpret that to mean a small baby is ok, where do you draw the line? I could sit a 4 ŷr old on my lap?!

The kids work really hard for their performances and it is such a shame when they are disrupted by noisy little children. I fully support the "no under 5s" rule for Christmas performances.

The autumn assembly allows younger siblings and generally stuff gets missed because you can't hear over the noisy babies. Some parents aren't sensible enough to take their babies out when they cry.

So I'm afraid YABU...

SevenOfNineTrue · 15/12/2015 08:16

Sorry but YABU. You were told the rule but decided not to follow it. I understand it is embarrassing when you got caught out but the school did tell you clearly in advance.

I suspect the 'seating' wording was simply a way to get around the fact that they didn't want to say or know how to say 'no babies or toddlers please as they can disrupt performances.'

Original poster
nativity15 · 15/12/2015 08:17

The car seat was left to the side and the baby was in my arms. We took the car seat as it's smaller than the pram. The car seat was not on my lap just to be clear.

Also out of untreated who would you leave a 5 week old with? My husband came to the play and watched it too. My family live 116 miles away. His family are not so close either.

Can you pay for someone to watch a 5 week old for 20 minutes who is a childminder??? Do they come to your house???

OP posts:
ColdWhiteWinePlease · 15/12/2015 08:17

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along

Confused

You were told in advance no under 5's. You should have arranged a babysitter for he baby.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 15/12/2015 08:18

Caspar - it shouldn't be about being "family friendly". In your scenario many parents will miss their child's part because of a crying baby. Not very friendly to those parents, is it?

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 08:19

Glad our school is nothing like that. Schools should realise that sometimes you have no one to leave baby with, and dad may not be around to take half a day off. I've been often in that position, especially when moving into new area.
I think they should let you take in babies. Never been an issue in all the nativities I've been to, and I'm on my 17th year....

catfordbetty · 15/12/2015 08:19

It's little wonder that so many pupils believe that rules only apply to other people. Their parents have taught them well.

AuntieStella · 15/12/2015 08:19

"...and as she was in my arms didn't think it was a problem"

Well it was. No under fives meant exactly what it says.

They don't want to argue the toss about noise, seating etc on the day, so they have a clear rule and they enforce it.

And if you've ever seen a child on stage burst into tears because a baby yelled, thus ruining that child's much practiced One Line, of which they were immensely proud, you might introduce a ban of that kind too. Taking a noisy infant out, once they are making a noise, is just too late.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 15/12/2015 08:20

Noisy pre-schoolers are one thing, a newborn is totally different and some people are being ridiculous talking about ignoring the rule.
A five week old needs to be with her mother and certainly couldn't be put in a creche, a three year old can be left.
I would have fed her just before and worn a sling, most people wouldn't even know she was there.

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 08:20

Leave a baby with a person you don't know for twenty mins? Get real.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 15/12/2015 08:21

Personally I wouldn't leave a 5 week old with anyone, I would just accept that my choice to have another child means that I have to miss the Nativity. Why should I have to miss my DS's part?

Original poster
nativity15 · 15/12/2015 08:22

I'm so shocked so many of you think that the due to seating reason is code for just no!! I absolutely did not pick up on that....I genuinely don't understand...is that you are experienced or do I have no common sense. Why not just say no under 5s at all.....maybe I need things dumbed down for me

OP posts: