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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
Shaffron · 16/12/2015 07:12

It's a nativity play for goodness sake. Ridiculous the school banned under 5s and ridiculous hyped up parents expect absolute silence.

A nativity should be a bit noisy and chaotic. It's little children having a bit of fun, they're not auditioning for Shakespeare. The world has become a very sad place indeed.

Reminds me when I took my middle dc to my eldest's carol singing at church one year. She was 2 and actually very well behaved, once or twice she got into the aisles to have a look and I got stares and sighs.

I never went back. I thought Christianity was about embracing children? Some people honestly.

BoboChic · 16/12/2015 07:27

It sounds absolutely and utterly mad. A nativity play's target audience are the families of the children in the play.

Sparklingbrook · 16/12/2015 07:31

I am not sure you can describe a 5 week old as 'audience'. Grin

Mehitabel6 · 16/12/2015 07:37

If children are doing a play it shouldn't be 'noisy and chaotic' - it isn't fair on the children doing it.
I don't think it would happen if parents could be relied upon to take out crying babies or noisy toddlers but many selfishly stay put.
I think that our school had the right idea- performances for all but, also performances without under 5's attending - then everyone was happy.

liz70 · 16/12/2015 07:53

DD3's school - relatively new building - doesn't exclude infants from shows, but takes account of the f/s regulations by insisting that everybody attending must have a ticket regardless of age. I think that's the best way.

I remember taking DD3 (3 months) to a show that DD1 (10) was in one winter. This was in the old school building, which unlike the new had no covered outside shelter for prams/pushchairs etc. I just left the pram out in the corridor and sat DD3 on my lap. She "watched" the show quite happily and without making any noise, and actually got a fair few coos and fusses. I would have removed her if she had cried. I was always an advocate of dummies, which helps.

CassieBearRawr · 16/12/2015 08:05

No under 5's = no under 5's, not no under 5's oh but go on then apart from you you adorable special snowflake you.

Pyjamaramadrama · 16/12/2015 08:09

Will people stop with the 'special snowflake' crap. It's not quirky and clever it's overused and makes you look like another sheep trying to be funny.

The op has already said as the wording was under 5s due to seating she thought a baby in arms would be OK.

TrojanWhore · 16/12/2015 08:12

Accusations of being a sheep being totally original, then?

And yes, it is rather precious/special snowflake/insert other phrase that meets MN posting standards, to expect a 'no under 5s rule' to apply only to other people's under 5s.

Pyjamaramadrama · 16/12/2015 08:13

Constantly calling people special snowflakes trying to be funny/sarky sounds ridiculous.

OldFarticus · 16/12/2015 08:22

It may be ridiculous but then again so is expecting not to be thrown out of a performance that clearly said NO UNDER 5's when rocking up with a special snowflake baby.

Entitled is a bit overused on here, but it was that as well. HTH.

LittleLionMansMummy · 16/12/2015 08:24

Ds's school was very honest and politely asked that no young children or babies be brought along because the noise can be distracting for the children on stage. Everyone understood, nobody complained and all respected this rule. The op's school should have been honest about the reason. If I had a baby and was told there was a lack of seating, I'd probably have taken the baby along also assuming that would be fine as it would be on my lap. If the school had given the real reason I would think most parents would be fine with that.

TrojanWhore · 16/12/2015 08:24

Constantly calling people sheep trying to be funny/sounds ridiculous too.

(BTW, I don't go in for gratuitously picking on someone's grammar/vocabulary. But I did find unsolicited criticism, when using a dreadful old cliche to do so, somewhat noticeable. Apologies for the derail).

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 16/12/2015 08:25

Went to my DD'S and it wasn't no under 5s.... it was no under 11s! Fabulous performance, heard every bit if it Smile

Headofthehive55 · 16/12/2015 08:25

proudas thank you! Not a natural rule breaker I learnt to break a lot of rules back then! Usually to be met with utter kindness and understanding for which I am grateful or downright ignorance.

I can understand from all of you why a two year old us to be discouraged but a newborn, well that seems harsh and uncaring particularly if breastfed as you can't leave them a lot of the time anyway.

Pyjamaramadrama · 16/12/2015 08:38

The op has been called a precious snowflake probably 30+ times on this thread. She's long gone anyway yet people are still piling in I'm sure some people just want the opportunity to say precious decking snowflake.

It's unnecessarily malicious.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 16/12/2015 08:41

Expressing is not an option for all babies or mums and by not making an exception for small infants the mother is being banned - even if there are two shows and a willing dh

Except in this case, the OP says that she had expressed in order to feed her baby at the performance if necessary, because she felt self conscious about breastfeeding.

greatbigwho · 16/12/2015 08:54

Even if parents take a crying baby out immediately, you've still got 30 seconds of a screaming baby meaning people can't hear their child. I went with a friend to her child's nativity so I could sit in reception with her 4wo and she could go and watch her older children. I understand you may not want to leave them for an hour to go, watch and come back but that's an option for the future?

So yes, YABU. You decided the rule didn't apply to you because you could see a way to bend the rule.

BessieBlount · 16/12/2015 09:09

But I said last night that when I asked if our no under 5s rules would apply to my 6day old baby, school said of course not. That plus the fact that school explicitly stated it was due to not having enough seating.
In this case, I don't think it's too unreasonable to think the rule doesn't include newborns.

Stillwishihadabs · 16/12/2015 09:10

I would have a bought the obvious person to leave a week old with, was her other parent. But then I'm funny like that.

BessieBlount · 16/12/2015 09:14

Jellytip, but your issue wasn't the babies, it was an ineffectual HT. stand at the door. Insist all with under 5s sit at the back near the door. Make it very clear that they are expected to take them out if they fuss or cry.

BessieBlount · 16/12/2015 09:16

Well as he doesn't produce milk and at 6dats old she was in the breast every 20mins or so, then that wouldn't have worked, would it? I did not start expressing with any of them until BF fully established which it isn't at 6days old.

SummerNights1986 · 16/12/2015 09:18

turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall

How do you even 'know' this? Sounds like school yard gossip to me. There are H&S rules to do with fire regulations and such like and school halls will have a maximum number of bodies they're allowed in there because of this - whether you're an adult or a newborn.

If the capacity was 200 and your newborn took it to 201 - then there was a fire and somebody died - the first thing that would happen would be the head would be out of a job. The LA would be getting sued, school would be investigated and so on - I don't blame HT's for being strict.

Anyway, the reason the school said no under 5's was not the issue. You were told no under 5's. You decided that that obviously didn't apply to you and took an under 5. You were asked to leave.

YABU.

Headofthehive55 · 16/12/2015 09:22

Not if they won't take ebm! I couldn't have left my first as she refused all ebm.
And mums don't always feel comfortable about being separated even for an hour when they are so little.

It's about being compassionate I think to those with tiny babies, most people would have thought oh it's due to space, as that's what it said but mine won't need a seat, of course. Easily misunderstood. Some schools do a ticket allocation, but babes in arms aren't counted. So there are different rules and interpretation of rules.

DrCoconut · 16/12/2015 09:27

Meri, I didn't make anything of it. I just left it. I'm not big on making unnecessary fuss. I'm more surprised that the school are not worried that I (or others) could. They are normally really anxious about discrimination or perceived discrimination. Substitute any other group for under 5's and you'd have a controversy from hell.

SummerNights1986 · 16/12/2015 09:27

I don't think any exception should be made for newborns.

An under 5 is banned because they have the potential to be loud and disruptive and that includes newborns. And, like a pp said, even if you take them out straight away, the 20 seconds of screaming as you go could mean drowning out a particular childs lines or something.

If you have a 5 day old baby that breastfeeds every 4.5 seconds and you can't possibly leave them, then bad luck - you miss it that year. Just like if you'd had a stomach bug, or happened to be in actual labour at the time of the concert, or couldn't get that night off work, or couldn't get there for xyz reasons.

The school are not responsible for other people's circumstances.

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