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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas & PIL... Sorry!

303 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 11:03

Me, DH, our DD's and DDog always spend Christmas with my parents. They really go all out, my siblings go, our nieces and nephews, my nan, and even our two best friends get invited. There's loads of people and games and other children to play with, and we usually go out with all the above people on Christmas Eve, go there Christmas morning, pop to PIL to give presents for a few hours, back to my mums for lunch and the rest of the day, and go there again Boxing Day with all the same people.

That sounds mean written down, but PIL have previously been invited and declined, they don't like DDog and won't have him in the house and I can't leave him for that many hours, and it's just not as fun for the children.

Last year BIL & SIL (who pop round to PIL's) at the same time as us on Christmas morning moved away, and so MIL has offered to work on Christmas morning and FIL wants us to just move 'Christmas' to Boxing Day.

That's absolutely fine by me... A small part of me was a bit insulted that without B&SIL there it isn't worth it for them, but it makes it easier for us without having to rush around in the morning. We'll miss Boxing Day stuff at my mums which is annoying, but that's life.

But yesterday MIL says to DH 'so will you get here about 7.45 on Christmas morning?' And it transpires she wants to be taken and collected from work on Christmas Day, that's leaving our house about 7.30 and not returning until about 8.45, which is when our young DD's will wake up and want to open presents, and will delay is getting to my mums to open presents with the children waiting there...

She wants to be picked up at 1.30, which means asking my mum to delay dinner by a minimum 45 mins which I just feel rude to do when she's cooking for so many people and others have made plans to come and go based on timings we always do.

It's really pissed me off that she is expecting him to do this on Christmas Day... And give up our Boxing Day. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 19:06

Andylion - we used to have a 'faux' Christmas and SIL and I would cook a roast and we'd play board games and DH would write a quiz or something... They had fun, but didn't seem keen to carry it on one year when scheduling was difficult. I just don't think they're overly interested.

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 19:07

No, she's not elderly, she's 60. And very active... I think she can probably run further than I can 😳

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DorotheaHomeAlone · 14/12/2015 19:24

Ignore the people calling you mean yanbu. This a completely unnecessary favour. She bloody volunteered ffs. If you'd posted on here that you had volunteered to work Christmas Day as you didn't fancy the plans on offer but expected your mum to drive you to and from work putting everyone out people would be queueing up to rip you a new one and call you entitled.

Your dh needs to just say no to this.

JammyGeorge · 14/12/2015 20:05

My DC are 5 & 3 and no way would I be facilitating lifts anywhere on Christmas morning, DH and I have spent time and money sorting out gifts for our boys, spent hours on Xmas eve constructing the bloody things and we want to enjoy them opening them - see their faces light up.

I also would not be holding them at the top of the stairs saying wait while they are clambering has Santa been yet? Yes son he's been and he's left you these but you can't open them???!!! I'm shocked anyone would ask someone with kids your age to do it. My parents or even PILS wouldn't dream of it (and that's saying something with my Mil).

The afternoon lift Id have no problem if it helped his mum out on Xmas day and he was happy to do it (and eat a warmed up dinner on his knee).

So erm YANBU in my opinion Xmas Smile

quietbatperson · 14/12/2015 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floisme · 14/12/2015 20:31

Why can't the op's husband call his own mother himself?

quietbatperson · 14/12/2015 20:47

This reply has been deleted

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SushiAndTheBanshees · 14/12/2015 21:00

I think you're being horribly self-centered. It's all about you and your children.

What about MIL and her children? One son has just had a baby abroad and she won't be seeing either of them. She undoubtedly knows that you take your girls over to her on Xmas day out of duty and that you'd rather be at your parents'. So she does you a favour and let's you off the hook on Xmas day, and no doubt telling herself she may as well work that day. But given it is Xmas day after all, would like to make it as non-miserable as possible and at least see her son/not have to battle public transport.

And yet you choose to take umbrage that she isn't taking the day off just so you can take your girls over for a few hours that you probably spend looking at your watch (given you need to be at your mum's by 1.30/1.45)?? You object to her seeing her one child remaining in the country on Xmas day, when she's going to be working? And you say you are "giving up" Boxing Day to see them that day instead, for what you yourself call a second Christmas Day???

Your selfishness is really quite breathtaking. You can only see it from your point of view, what YOU want for YOU and for YOUR DH and YOUR girls. No thought for what MIL might be feeling.

I don't even like my MIL and even I would be pushing my DH or the door to help his mum out.

LuluJakey1 · 14/12/2015 21:00

YANBU about Christmas Day, not at all. You are absolutely entitled to spend it as you plaese and your MIL is unreasonable in thinking that as she has chosen to work, it is anyone else's but her responsibility to get her there and back. It is nothing to do with you or DH but he needs to grow a pair and tell her.

MidniteScribbler · 14/12/2015 21:03

I feel sorry for your MIL. It's all about your family and she and FIL just don't count to you. God forbid you give up "your" Christmas and actually spend some time with your in-laws.

As a single parent to one DS, I guess I'm going to have to resign myself to a lot of Christmas Days alone in the future, as obviously MILs are unimportant and don't deserve to see their family on Christmas as well.

Susiesoop · 14/12/2015 21:04

Your AIBU is probably better directed at your OH. He has offered to give his Mum a lift on Christmas day and now isnt going back on it. Probably best to speak to him about it and agree on a course of action. It sounds as though he doesn't want to upset anyone!

LuluJakey1 · 14/12/2015 21:05

If it was 10 mns each way that might be different but almost 40 mins each way is ridiculous. That is almost 3 hours driving for DH there and back so she can do a hlaf day at work- very unreasonable.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 21:10

Midnite - would you not be happy to be invited to a family Christmas where your son and grandchildren would be? Where you could spend the whole time just relaxing and playing with them if you felt like it?

It's difficult to just abandon my parents Christmas. My best friend lost her mum, so she now comes to my parents. My dog is welcome there, which helps hugely. DH's friends family are Hindu and don't celebrate Christmas so he comes to my parents too... If we go elsewhere it displaces a few people.

And we were going to them for the morning, MIL chose to work, that's not my fault.

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MatildaTheCat · 14/12/2015 21:16

I haven't RTFT but when I used to work on Christmas Day work would pay for taxis for those with no transport. Just say no, sorry it doesn't work for us, see you on Boxing Day.

Can't see much of a dilemma TBH but that's because I'm mean that way. Xmas Smile

Enjoy your day, your family Chris sounds epic.

itsmine · 14/12/2015 21:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 21:19

But I don't think I need to teach them that on Christmas Day aged 2 & 5?

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iPaid · 14/12/2015 21:20

Why can't the op's husband call his own mother himself?

Adult sons aren't allowed to speak to their mothers in MN World.

FuckingCrumbs · 14/12/2015 21:20

I can't believe anyone thinks the OP is BU. Shock

hopelessadventure · 14/12/2015 21:24

I'd be telling them to piss off. YANBU OP.

itsmeohlord · 14/12/2015 21:26

Why just this once not stay at yours for Xmas with your ILS coming to you ....... And do Boxing day at your parents.

itsmine · 14/12/2015 21:27

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByABear · 14/12/2015 21:28

Lovely. Hmm

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 21:33

Itsmeohlord - I can't have them here for Christmas, they can't cope with our dog and I can't lick him upstairs to bark all day.

Itsmine - do you really think I teach my DD's that Christmas at my parents is fun and Christmas at PIL isn't? Because I really don't. They love both places, and we see both sets of parents a lot, more than once a week... But Christmas is different, my middle brothers DD lives in Spain, and we only see her at Christmas, my nephews are the same age as my DD1 and with school and activities, why not have three lively days playing together. I never thought mumsnet of all places would encourage me to sit my children in front of a to fod the at rather than play with children and get dirty ;)

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 21:33

Lick him?! Confused lock him, obviously!

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 21:34

So many typos! TV!

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