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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel incensed by the woman who gave me daggers today

331 replies

lill72 · 13/12/2015 23:32

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong. There are also lots of older people there. We were sitting just behind a group of women in the 60's. My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once. My daughter then did it once more just brushing her feet, again, by accident and the woman turned and did the stare. It was mean and it was ugly.

After interval, I put my programme in front of me so she could not make eye contact with me. My DD unfortunately brushed the seat again as she was a bit restless. the lady turned but she could not make eye contact. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction miserable old git.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do. I just find this sort of behaviour from this woman so nasty and bereft of any sort of forgiveness for the fact it was a child. I think of anyone, this woman was the one with the appalling behaviour.

The other woman around me were lovely.

OP posts:
StayWithMe · 14/12/2015 00:44

Kali, my DH had cancer throughout his body, including his spine, and would be very easily hurt. We had dickheads slapping him on the back if he used a cushion or had a more comfortable seat, and asking what made him so special. Hmm

Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:46

Gosh Cain, I guess you know as you were there.

I am hyper aware of not spoiling an event for others, what about the way I was treated by the lady. It kind of spoiled the moment a bit for me. The stare was not justified.

I held her feet after she had accidentally done it. Goodness - middle of a concert, in the middle of a squished row, cant talk much, trying to control situation.

Yes get off your high horse.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 14/12/2015 00:47

kali my back and pelvis are damaged from when I was pregnant with DS2 who is 19 on Christmas Eve. My pelvis is held together with pins and plates at the front and screwed on to my spine and I've got arthritis in my hips, pelvis and spine. I've, also, got Fibromyalgia. The slightest knock makes me want to cry.

Dipankrispaneven · 14/12/2015 00:50

If she'd behaved like a normal person and simply turned and said "excuse me" I don't think the op would have been upset.

Bet she would have been.

Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:51

I am really sorry for all the posters in pain. It must be very painful with these conditions.

We just all need to be a bit more tolerant towards each other, as none of us knows the others exact situation.

OP posts:
MuttonWasAGoose · 14/12/2015 00:53

fairy that does sound really awful (as does the other poster's husband's condition). I'm sure that it would be terrible to be repeatedly kicked in the back.

But I don't think the op is a bad person or anything. And I'm sure that you wouldn't act as this woman did. For that matter, you probably wouldn't put yourself in a situation like the very cramped upper gallery of a theatre. Aside from the scuff of a child's feet, the unavoidable bumping by people getting to their seats would be torture.

I went to see The Mousetrap years ago and my knees were jammed into the seat in front of me. I'm slightly claustrophobic and was keenly aware that my fidgeting had to be annoying. Nobody turned around, but perhaps I was lucky, or maybe they were too absorbed in their own knees to notice.

Such a setting is difficult for most people.

Dipankrispaneven · 14/12/2015 00:57

If the woman had so much difficulty being around other people perhaps she should have hired her own box at the royal albert hall.

There is nothing that indicates that she had any difficulty whatsoever being around other people. Her difficulty lay in having the back of her seat kicked repeatedly. If other people are considerate, that doesn't necessitate hiring a box.

celtictoast · 14/12/2015 01:05

YANBU. She went over the top and could have just asked politely and with a smile.

AvaCrowder · 14/12/2015 01:14

I would have been more considerate. I can't stand coughing or kicking at the ballet or theatre. That's normal.

ilovesooty · 14/12/2015 01:22

No recognition by Mutton of the appalling ageist comments she's made.

I suppose that given her other comments that's not too surprising.

MuttonWasAGoose · 14/12/2015 01:26

I apologise for saying she was an "old bag" as her age didn't have anything to do with it.

kali110 · 14/12/2015 04:03

fairy
Fairy i also have fibromyalgia and Broken discs that have moved.
stay sorry to hear of your husbands illness, that is awful x

kali110 · 14/12/2015 04:06

mutton why should fairy not go ?
I still try to go to these type of events when my health lets me.
This illness has robbed enough of my life.
It's other people who should realise that there are people everywhere with disabilities that they may not be able to see.

SpellBookandCandle · 14/12/2015 04:20

Deranged hag? Old bag? There are some very vile poster's on this thread. I'm certain you think your child is adorable Op, but other people don't appreciate paying for a concert and being kicked by her adorable little feet. Be a parent, teach your child manners or leave.

SlaggyIsland · 14/12/2015 04:27

"Deranged hag"? "Old bat"? Fuck off with the ageism.

3littlefrogs · 14/12/2015 05:07

All children do the seat kicking at some point.

What you should have done, OP, was to remove your dd's shoes, whilst explaining that she must not kick the seat.

We have a generation of kids growing up who are very self centred and lack basic manners and consideration for other people, teaching good manners has to start very young.

OTOH the lady would have done better to just ask you nicely to stop your child from kicking her seat.

Senpai · 14/12/2015 05:10

Obviously glaring at strangers is uncalled for.

But I do sympathize with her a bit. I have no patience for small children kicking my seat. But generally I take a deep breath, turn around, smile and ask the child directly not to do it again. If they do it again, then they get a sharp and snappy "knock it off".

That said, 2yo DD has done her fair share of seat kicking. Blush I do my best to stop her though and let her know she's sitting on my lap (where I sweep her feet sideways facing DH) if she keeps it up. Your child should not have gotten three kicks in. 5 years old is old enough to keep her hands and feet to herself or be taken out of the show as a consequence.

MidniteScribbler · 14/12/2015 05:41

"Accidentally" swinging a rucksack is passive aggressive.

No, it's physical assault. You assaulted someone because you didn't like how they looked at you. WTF is wrong with you?

Rosa · 14/12/2015 06:07

Why diddn't you swap seats with your DD ? I did this on an aircraft and when I got something out of the seat pocket chap turned round and yelled at what he thought was my daughter....daughter was curled up asleep . He never did apologise....

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/12/2015 06:20

Some people are just unbelievably nippy.

Was out at weekend at a gig. Lots of people put their drinks on shelf in front of me. I accidentally knocked one (clumsy not drunk) over and a little bit went on the back of a woman standing in front of shelf.

I apologised profusely with hands up but she kept turning and glaring at me with a "how could you you bastard" look. And made a big deal of wiping her back and glaring at me and showing all her friends.

It really was as if I had poured a whole drink on her deliberately. For about 30 mins.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/12/2015 06:22

People on this thread are also acting like the OP''s child battered the chair in front with her feet for the whole show
Not accidentally brushed it 2 or 3 times. Take her out for that? Really?

timelytess · 14/12/2015 06:31

She didn't ruin your afternoon, you probably ruined hers by the irritating kicking
This.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 14/12/2015 06:31

You should have waved and said "Hello" Xmas Wink

MascaraAndConverse89 · 14/12/2015 06:32

Obviously with a big smile on your face Grin

RaskolnikovsGarret · 14/12/2015 06:37

The child kicked the chair once. Repeated kicking would be annoying, but she only did it once. If it was non-stop, it would infuriate me, but it was just once, and the next two times were accidents. Why on earth are posters accusing her of doing it lots of times??? You can't just make things up like this!

OP, the lady was mean, and you did not act unreasonably. There was absolutely no need for her to be so aggressive. I would think she was perhaps not a very happy person to react in such a confrontational way.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your Christmas.