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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel incensed by the woman who gave me daggers today

331 replies

lill72 · 13/12/2015 23:32

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong. There are also lots of older people there. We were sitting just behind a group of women in the 60's. My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once. My daughter then did it once more just brushing her feet, again, by accident and the woman turned and did the stare. It was mean and it was ugly.

After interval, I put my programme in front of me so she could not make eye contact with me. My DD unfortunately brushed the seat again as she was a bit restless. the lady turned but she could not make eye contact. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction miserable old git.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do. I just find this sort of behaviour from this woman so nasty and bereft of any sort of forgiveness for the fact it was a child. I think of anyone, this woman was the one with the appalling behaviour.

The other woman around me were lovely.

OP posts:
ouryve · 13/12/2015 23:58

If it really was a few little nudges (hard not to when your feet don't touch the floor and you need to get comfortable) then her staring was a little ridiculous.

You're being quite over-sensitive about it, though. I'd probably just have smiled and said hello. It scares disarms people of all ages.:o

Original poster
lill72 · 13/12/2015 23:59

I bet it is not. I am very aware of such things and I was only with her so all my focus was on her. Harsh of you to judge so.

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Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:01

Seline - yes it did lighten the mood thank you!

Yes exactly little feet cannot touch the ground!

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/12/2015 00:01

But Lil with out being rude to you. I don't think you go exactly beyond the joke with your manners consideration or respect. I can count at least twice where you have referred to this women as a miserable git and miserable old lady. I'd be pretty peeved too if someone kept on kicking my chair. Did you not even say sorry.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 14/12/2015 00:03

"Milky Fight"... Hehe, actually, I would find it quite humorous, in this nice, classic place. But only if it is a fair fight. Both ladies would need to be armed with loaded boobs. You do not bring a stare to a milk fight.

Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:03

Yes I smiled and told I was doing my best to stop this happening and she just stared. Not a word uttered.
I think she has done this stare before as she was some master.

OP posts:
steff13 · 14/12/2015 00:06

Did you actually apologize? I took my daughter, age 5, to a Christmas concert last night. When she got restless I sat her on my lap. Did you do that?

MuttonWasAGoose · 14/12/2015 00:06

She was a miserable git.

If she'd behaved like a normal person and simply turned and said "excuse me" I don't think the op would have been upset. And it sounds like she did apologise. But the deranged woman just glared at her for an excessive length of time.

Which, actually, is a pretty aggressive thing to do. There's quite a few animals that will attack if you do that to them.

Justaboy · 14/12/2015 00:06

Some of the seats in the upper reaches of the Albert hall are rather tight but like a young child at a church service for Christmas you'd think older people could be a bit more tolerant, this wasn't a BBC prom concert mind you the audience's those are usually very good tolerant ones if you nudge a chair!

But don't cough that's well faux;!

And leave you mobile on and it rings that's a hanging offence!!!

Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:07

Iliveinalighthouse - to be honest if someone turns and gives you the reaction she did on the FIRST occasion it happens, you are not getting off to a great start. Imagine if YOU had hit her chair by mistake and she turned and gave YOU a massive stare, would you feel like profusely apologising?

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kali110 · 14/12/2015 00:07

Mutton you hit someone in the face with your bag ? Because he was arsey to your child?
I have a pain condition.
Little light kicks on the chair may not be much to some people, to me it hurts.

MuttonWasAGoose · 14/12/2015 00:08

I don't think putting the child in her lap would have improved things. Except for getting a different seat kicked more.

Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:08

steff - yes she did sit on my lap and I also literally held her feet in case another accident happened!!!

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Scuttlebutter · 14/12/2015 00:08

Once again, someone in their 60s is being described in delightful terms. "Deranged hag" and "miserable old lady". That's just vile. Can we stop this horrible ageism for someone who simply gave you a short glare after your child was kicking their seat. Hmm

kali110 · 14/12/2015 00:10

My god, 'old bat', 'miserable old git', 'showed her a real kicking', how is this acceptable???

CainInThePunting · 14/12/2015 00:10

You obviously weren't doing your best or your daughter wouldn't have kept kicking the lady's chair back.
Did you explain to your daughter that in kicking the back of the chair she was being rude and upsetting the lady in front? A five year old is old enough to understand this.
Once is an accident, any more is a badly behaved child and parent.

Costacoffeeplease · 14/12/2015 00:11

Deranged hag is just delightful - as is swinging your bag into someone's face, MN is a strange place tonight

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/12/2015 00:12

Put like that Lil fair point and comment. I do see where you're coming from but a little sorry wouldn't have hurt you and had she chose not to accept then okay but at least youd have said it.
But to her you must have just came across as one of those mums who just let's their children do as they please, which really grates.

Lexia123 · 14/12/2015 00:12

Nothing to add really, but I was there too! It was pretty lively, and yes, the seats were very squashed. I was trying to juggle my massive coat and ended up with it all over my lap, and what with all the bags I could barely find a space for my feet on the floor!

But wasn't it a lovely way to spend a pre-Christmas afternoon? ;-)

Just remembered, when the conductor told us to turn around and shake hands with only the person behind you, the guy behind me grabbed both my shoulders and shook me....!

MuttonWasAGoose · 14/12/2015 00:12

kali yes I did. He was arsey to me when I asked him to move his bag from the only remaining empty seat in the departure lounge and then again when my child stumbled (not kicked or ran or anything) against his seat. He clearly needed a better reason to be miserable so I gave him one. I'm giving like that.

If my child kicked your seat, I'd tell him to stop, I'd apologise, I'd perhaps remove him if he couldn't stop. But if you gave me an aggressive stare... I'd have fun with you.

steff13 · 14/12/2015 00:13

Lexia, that made me laugh out loud. I wonder why he did that.

kali110 · 14/12/2015 00:15

Wow. Love to say im shocked but i'm not anymore.

Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:15

DD was really well behaved I have to say. A tiny bit restless but I was really impressed she handled some of the slower parts so well.

There are quite a few carols where you have to stand up or sing or dance - they even sang 'Let it go' from Frozen which my daughter loves singing. I was worried she was going to get too expressive with the song and accidentally kick the chair. She didnt but you know half the fun of the concert is the clapping and swaying to the music. This is what you are encouraged to do.And sing. Note - said lady did none of this!

OP posts:
kali110 · 14/12/2015 00:15

Agreed costa Confused

Original poster
lill72 · 14/12/2015 00:17

Oh cain - get off your high horse. Of course I explained everything to her.

She is 5 and her feet dont touch the ground. So when she has to move, she swivels her feet by accident and they brush the seat. DD Was not kicking it!

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