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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel incensed by the woman who gave me daggers today

331 replies

lill72 · 13/12/2015 23:32

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong. There are also lots of older people there. We were sitting just behind a group of women in the 60's. My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once. My daughter then did it once more just brushing her feet, again, by accident and the woman turned and did the stare. It was mean and it was ugly.

After interval, I put my programme in front of me so she could not make eye contact with me. My DD unfortunately brushed the seat again as she was a bit restless. the lady turned but she could not make eye contact. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction miserable old git.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do. I just find this sort of behaviour from this woman so nasty and bereft of any sort of forgiveness for the fact it was a child. I think of anyone, this woman was the one with the appalling behaviour.

The other woman around me were lovely.

OP posts:
CookieDoughKid · 14/12/2015 07:31

You were being very unreasonable. You should have apologised and changed seats.

PerspicaciaTick · 14/12/2015 07:31

Surely a normal parent would be mortified if their child repeatedly disturbed someone? Not getting fighty about it or hiding behind their programme or making excuses instead of just saying sorry.

catsrus · 14/12/2015 07:34

I had a similar encounter at a pantomime over 20yrs ago OP - it does take some of the pleasure out of the experience. My dd was a similar age, when sat back in her seat her legs had no where else to go but stick out in front and touch the seat in front if she moved. The seats were so close together that an adult's legs could only go straight down - but at least we were big enough to have legs able to bend at the knee over the seat. My dd was not kicking the seat by any stretch of the imagination. Some people are just miserable with no tolerance I'm afraid. I'm an old bag in my 60's now and sincerely hope I never get like that.

TempusEedjit · 14/12/2015 07:35

So you held DD's feet after the first time she "brushed" the seat in front to stop her doing it again (big overreaction if she's not usually a fidgety child and you thought the lady was in the wrong), yet DD still managed to kick another couple of times at least?

I'd also be willing to bet it was more often/forceful than what you're saying.

Only1scoop · 14/12/2015 07:35

I wouldn't have wanted to have my chair kicked by your dd and neither would my 5 yo either.

Happened to us in the cinema recently.

Bloody annoying

Only1scoop · 14/12/2015 07:36

'Brushed' Grin

pictish · 14/12/2015 07:40

Omg what a bunch of miseries have flocked to this thread!
The woman sounds like an aggressive horror OP - we have attended this sort of packed-to-the-gunnels event as well and I don't think a child giving an accidental bump to the seat in front three times throughout the event is anything to get aggro over. Jeezo!

Some are you are turning this into something it wasn't just so you can get supercilious at the OP.

Surely a normal parent would be mortified if their child repeatedly disturbed someone?

Repeatedly disturbed? Is that what accidentally bumping the seat in front three times is called now is it? Fuck me...how dramatic!

OP if the place was packed with kids, it was a lively event and some bumping, shifting and movement from those around you is normal.

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to exit this thread and go back to the real world where people have some semblance of perspective. Planet Mumsnet eh? It's a different world.

Prettyinblue · 14/12/2015 07:44

Mutton is so going to be one of those old people that give death stares, or worse.

KakiFruit · 14/12/2015 07:45

Ha, as if the child really "brushed" the seat a mere three times. The OP must know she's unreasonable to have tried so hard to minimise it for her post.

MojitoMollie · 14/12/2015 07:46

Were you watching dds feet all through the concert? Is that how you know that she hadn't kicked the back of her chair more times ?

Whatsinaname2011 · 14/12/2015 07:48

I would bet that it want the first kick.

Probably there were other kicks you hadn't noticed. The poor woman was repeatedly kicked throughout the performance and all she did was look at you.

I'd have been saying something too. She sounds restrained.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/12/2015 07:48

I agree with pictish. .clearly there is a first time for everything WinkGrin

PerspicaciaTick · 14/12/2015 07:50

Because the OP has clearly retained her sense of perspective Hmm and was not in anyway "incensed" at the "miserable old git" who was "mean and nasty", " ONLY STARED" and who ruined her afternoon.

MultishirkingAgain · 14/12/2015 08:05

Aww I am a big fan of the post menopausal lady

Grin Wink Flowers

(At my computer now - as an old hag, I still work 12 hour days & run the world, basically).

Blacktealeaves · 14/12/2015 08:11

Personally I would also imagine it was more times than op is letting on. Having your seat kicked is so annoying.

I don't know if you have answered the obviously question of why you didn't swap seats with DD further up thread as not read every single post. That would be obvious move.

I think maybe some people are less annoyed by it than others but a sizable proportion of the population find it very irritating. You can't relax when you know another jarring kick is on its way any minute.

ladyvimes · 14/12/2015 08:17

I absolutley hate having my chair kicked - it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. My dd does it in the car sometimes and I get soooo annoyed.
YABU, this would ruin it for me!

MultishirkingAgain · 14/12/2015 08:22

But seriously - yes, at a crowded event, a matinee at which children might reasonably be expected to be, yes, accidental "brushing" can happen. And it is annoying & can be painful - even a light kick ("brushing"? I'll bet it was more than that ...) is amplified through a seat back and can be jolting.

My response is that the OP is BU and actually rather childish to be so upset at a "look" - really? And the the OP continues not to see how another person was affected by her child's behaviour. OK, her child wasn't deliberately being naughty and deliberately kicking the seat in front of her, but it is still annoying to be kicked in that way. I think the OP needs to suck it up, and accept that being looked at disapprovingly was a fair cop. Just get a bit of perspective really! And perhaps understand that the woman in front of er looked rather than spoke, because , um -- it was a concert! Talking is disruptive.

And also just loving the usual MN ageism and sexism on this thread. MN never fails to disappoint on that score.

Remember all you twenty & thirty-somethings. One day you will all be "old gits" and "miserable bags." Well, I hope you will be, as the alternative is not to be thought of.

SelfLoathing · 14/12/2015 08:39

I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

Nope. It is rude and annoying behaviour. If you are right (which I doubt) it was beyond your wit to stop it, you should have stopped places with it.

People have forgotten how to bring up children with manners and how to behave frankly.

Neither I nor any of my siblings behaved like this in public AGED 5 (which is hardly an age where children have no control) because we were raised properly, and knew how to behave in public. Plus if we were told not to do something in public, we would stop because we'd been raised like that and to treat our parents with respect.

There is now a culture of "child is always right".

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

Of course. I'm utterly sick of the excuse "she's only a child". I once heard this on a plane about a 9 year old who kept kicking the back of the seat of the woman in front.

"Everything you could do" started 5 years ago and you obviously haven't.

You sound unreasonable and unpleasantly hostile to this poor woman rather than apologetic for your poorly behaved child - which is what you should have been.

SelfLoathing · 14/12/2015 08:40

stopped places with it.

*swapped places with your child

RaskolnikovsGarret · 14/12/2015 08:47

Why are people not believing the OP, and assuming the lady in front was a poor innocent, victimised saint, rather than a bit of an unpleasant individual!? Really odd.

OP appears to have posted because the lady's reaction was unreasonable and disproportionate. Why assume OP was in the wrong? I hate lax/feeble parenting but this was clearly not the case here. Am I reading a different OP?

I give up.

KakiFruit · 14/12/2015 08:51

RaskolnikovsGarret because the OP's version of events is very unlikely. What do you think is more feasible:
a) the woman glared at the OP because a child was repeatedly kicking the back of her seat
b) the child merely brushed the seat and the woman turned around and glared at the OP for exactly 10 seconds

?

Birdsgottafly · 14/12/2015 08:51

I had to move on a bus, recently.

Be got Pneumonia and very low Hemoglobin, the little boy was excitedly jumping around in his seat, but had his hand on the back of mine, so was kicking and rocking my seat.

I have no pain thread hold (or cold tolerance) at present, it was actually painful to experience.

She glared at me, because I moved, I didn't tut, look at them etc.

I'm also getting glared at because I have to use escalators etc.

Not everyone around you is fully well.

Caprinihahahaha · 14/12/2015 08:52

Oh don't give up Raskolnikovs

Chin up old thing.

MultishirkingAgain · 14/12/2015 08:59

ooo I'm going to think about some people in this world I'd like to brush with my feet ... Grin

ghostspirit · 14/12/2015 09:10

my daughter is 5 as well. i can understand if they kicked the chair once there was no need for the look if it happend once but it was several times.

what did you do when your daughter kicked the chair the first time?

if my daughter had done it i would have told her to be careful because the person infront can feel you kick the chair and its not nice... if she done it a second time in very firm voice i would say.. KICK THE CHAIR AGAIN AND WE ARE LEAVING... DO YOU UNDERSTAND!

or like others have said swap seats

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