Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Original poster

To feel incensed by the woman who gave me daggers today

331 replies

lill72 · 13/12/2015 23:32

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong. There are also lots of older people there. We were sitting just behind a group of women in the 60's. My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once. My daughter then did it once more just brushing her feet, again, by accident and the woman turned and did the stare. It was mean and it was ugly.

After interval, I put my programme in front of me so she could not make eye contact with me. My DD unfortunately brushed the seat again as she was a bit restless. the lady turned but she could not make eye contact. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction miserable old git.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do. I just find this sort of behaviour from this woman so nasty and bereft of any sort of forgiveness for the fact it was a child. I think of anyone, this woman was the one with the appalling behaviour.

The other woman around me were lovely.

OP posts:

LyndaNotLinda · 15/12/2015 12:49

No Seline - the OP has been very clear that she didn't apologise. She said she was 'doing her best'. That is not an apology, it's a disclaimer.

Selinemaratima · 15/12/2015 13:02

I obviously lean towards the more liberal side of life. I think the OP did her best and God love her, the reprimanding she's had on here, far out-weighs the "crime".

Toffeelatteplease · 15/12/2015 13:15

But she didn't do her best

She actually did very little.

Liberal as you like; doing something would have been telling your child off for kicking the seat in front, making your child apologise, taking off the kids shoes. At least you would be doing something!

Being strict would be do it again and we are out (funny how this enough for most kids to sort the problem), or taking the child out.

By putting the program up you are teaching your child "never mind about the ladies feelings, you can't see her now".

If that's someone's best, I'd hate to see their worst.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2015 13:28

There's kicking and there's accudentally knocking.

I've been in the cinema a few times and had kids kick (older kids too) the back of my seat yet if you asked them to stop they ignored you and when I asked the parents to get them to stop (sitting nearby or next to child) they looked at me blankly.

I think OP was that kind - see above.

Selinemaratima · 15/12/2015 13:32

In your humble opinion she didn't do her best, yours is not the verdict toffee, self riteousness is not helpful, it just breeds contempt.

PerspicaciaTick · 15/12/2015 13:37

If you are going to be liberal about your child's behaviour, then you also need to liberal about the behaviour of other people you encounter. You can't say "DD, I will accept and respect how you have chosen to behave but I refuse to accept and respect how that lady has chosen to react".

MojitoMollie · 15/12/2015 13:40

"children of this age do not have the capacity to be malicious, it was so blatantly accidental"

not sure if I am misquoting here, or if you are quoting from another post, but of course they fucking do

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2015 13:42

So OP was it "accidentally kicked the back of the seat" as she turned round or brushed the seat - I think you're minimising here.

And to someone else who said something about 5 year olds not having capacity to be mean etc - well damn right they can I've witnessed it and see my NDN 4 year old DD being mean etc to her brother.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2015 13:42

Ah it was malicious thank you mollie

Selinemaratima · 15/12/2015 13:43

Read my previous posts, I've not expressed anything like that opinion. I said I lean towards the liberal side of life in comparison to toffee, who disagreed when I simply expressed the lady could've been more gracious and tolerant towards OP & her child. I've written up thread about teaching my children consideration to others, they are 5&3 so it's still a work in progress as I'm sure it is for many with young children, along with the OP. It's a learning curve with young children and we should all be more empathetic to this.

Pigeonpost · 15/12/2015 13:45

Daggers the first time was an overreaction on her part. You absolutely should not have let it happen again. Your child is 5, not 2.

Selinemaratima · 15/12/2015 13:55

A 5yr old - malicious? Really? mojito I'm afraid you'll have to do more that write in in a sentence, (with the f word thrown in for Gravity) for me to accept your authority on that. Given I spend my days surrounded by 5/6 year olds.

Selinemaratima · 15/12/2015 13:58

What is NDN? Being 'mean' isn't the same as malicious. Siblings often teas each other which is probably what your referring to, all really normal. If NDN means niece?? Perhaps you should ask their mother wether she thinks her 4 year old is malicious ... Just a thought

Selinemaratima · 15/12/2015 13:59

Oh ! Next door neighbour, is that the closest you've been to a four year old? Over the garden fence? Not a massively reliable authority then

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2015 14:47

Seline you're funny! No the NDN and I are good friends and she would describe her DD as both malicious and mean and have seen it in action, in fact she tells me a lot... But heck what do I know?!

And no it's not teasing she's jealous of her DB. As told to me by both her DP.

Selinemaratima · 15/12/2015 15:07

Lol At first I though you meant Naughty Darling Niece 😂. I'm actually just sticking up for the OP as I don't think the chair 'brushing' was all that bad on the scale of things and I thought she'd had some rough and tough responses; I know how mortifying and embarrassing the behaviour of LO's can be and I know I'm slogging away just trying to mould mine into half reasonable grown ups! I just thought the peeps on here could've cut her some slack, she came here seeking solace, who'd have known she wouldn't find it in AIBU ...?

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 15:20

op not read thread, did you say why you didn't swop your seat with dd?

but there has to be some bloody give and take! there has to be, a public event with dc for goodness sake!! Yes its annoying, but there has to be give and take.

I bet in Italy instead of a good old british death stare she would have beamed at your DD and got chatting to you....

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 15:23

It never fails to amaze me how hard MN is on actual DC!! and MOthers

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 15:24

It never fails to amaze me how hard MN is on actual DC!! and MOthers

kali110 · 15/12/2015 15:50

Maybe the woman was annoyed that the op never said sorry?
Maybe op never noticed her dd kick the chair before, so it wasn't the first time she'ddone it?
I'd be pissed off if someone kicked my chair, it bloody hurts me!
How hard on children mn is?? That is hilarious

gandalf456 · 15/12/2015 15:52

I'd think sod you then if someone glared before giving me a chance to apologise

Janeymoo50 · 15/12/2015 15:58

Yet another offended mummy, more older ladies being whinged about, no apology for a child kicking her chair several times, covering her face with a paper (how rude), more chair kicking and the OP feels her afternoon was ruined, I bet the lady (with the 10 second dagger stares that none of us witnessed) also had a pretty shite afternoon.
I would hated being sat in front of you.

BabyGanoush · 15/12/2015 17:59

Elf, have you bedn watching too many Dolmio adverts

OnGoldenPond · 15/12/2015 18:33

She WBU for giving evils for just one kick. I would only turn round if the kicking was constant and even then would just lightheartedly ask a child to be careful. Intimidating staring is scary for a child and OTT.

However you WBU for letting it ruin your day. You need to shrug this kind of thing off as unfortunately the world is full of similarly miserable people. You will have a nervous breakdown if you let them get to you.

Have a lovely Christmas and ignore the miseries

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/12/2015 19:58

I just accidentally kicked the seat of an older lady, in cinema. Twice.

She didnt glare though.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14