Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel incensed by the woman who gave me daggers today

331 replies

lill72 · 13/12/2015 23:32

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong. There are also lots of older people there. We were sitting just behind a group of women in the 60's. My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once. My daughter then did it once more just brushing her feet, again, by accident and the woman turned and did the stare. It was mean and it was ugly.

After interval, I put my programme in front of me so she could not make eye contact with me. My DD unfortunately brushed the seat again as she was a bit restless. the lady turned but she could not make eye contact. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction miserable old git.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do. I just find this sort of behaviour from this woman so nasty and bereft of any sort of forgiveness for the fact it was a child. I think of anyone, this woman was the one with the appalling behaviour.

The other woman around me were lovely.

OP posts:
MitzyLeFrouf · 14/12/2015 11:32

I agree Elinor.

M48294Y · 14/12/2015 11:32

The back of my chair was being kicked by a small child at my dd's school concert last week. It was everything I could do to stop myself from saying something extremely firm to child's parent (who could not have been unaware).

It is HUGELY irritating. And I wasn't at a special treat at the Albert Hall! No wonder the mad old bat looked "daggers". You absolutely could have prevented your daughter from doing it op.

What an insane op and thread this is Shock

MascaraAndConverse89 · 14/12/2015 11:50

How is the OP insane? Confused

MultishirkingAgain · 14/12/2015 11:55

I wish some of the grumpy old bats

I wish that ageism and sexism weren't so predictable on MN.

BoffinMum · 14/12/2015 11:59

Grumpy post-child-rearing bats and bastards

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/12/2015 12:03

You sound a bit grumpy there yourself. Are you a bat?

MultishirkingAgain · 14/12/2015 12:08

Who knows? I hang upside down occasionally ...

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/12/2015 12:10

Oh that question wasn't to you Multishirking!

kaitlinktm · 14/12/2015 12:10
Shock I think that our generation are the best parents - there I said it

Grin Grin Grin

But then as a 60-year-old miserable deranged hag, what would I know?

asilverraindrop · 14/12/2015 12:12

None of us knows how hard the kicks were or how long the stare, because we weren't there. We can, however, see the ageism in black and white. As others have said, would it be acceptable to write 'grumpy black woman' or 'grumpy term of abuse towards disabled' here? It wouldn't. So why do some posters think it's ok to use 'old' and 'bat' or 'hag' as abusive ways to refer to older women? If this woman was unfairly nasty, it's not because she was old, it's because she was unfairly nasty. Child-haters come in all ages (and genders).

kali110 · 14/12/2015 12:32

It seems it's perfectly acceptable to call this women 'old bat' 'miserable' etc just beause she was irritated by a child, or the parent not stopping the childs actions.
Maybe if op had said sorry it would have been better.
Sexism is unacceptable but no agism clearly is fine!
Shame on you.
I'm not old either, i'm in my 30's, just disgusted by some posters on this thread

kali110 · 14/12/2015 12:35

It also seems fine to say that people with disabilities should stay home to just incase Hmm
As for the lady clearly not having any as she is able to turn her neck round, really??
So because one person can do it means it is the same for everyone?
I can turn my neck round one way very easily, doesn't mean i do not have any disabilities!

celtictoast · 14/12/2015 12:59

Also, staring at someone is an unbelievably bad way of making your case. She should have turned around and said 'I'm so sorry, but your daughter is kicking my chair.

I agree. Just be straightforward. Staring is passive aggressive.

Justaboy · 14/12/2015 13:22

I'm a 60 odd year old git and I tend to live at the Albert Hall in the summer. If a child was kicking my seat then yes i would make polite representations to the mother of the child at most all concerts there.

However one at Christmas for children?, different matter, quite the reverse I'd be more than glad to see some younger folk. God alone knows Prom audiences are getting older year on year.

Went to see Messiaen's Turangalîla Symphony back in the summer there was a row of children in front of me, sometimes chattering albeit quietly sometimes animated pointing to parts of the orchestra, it has lots of percussive effects and that odd instrument the ondes Martenot a very early electronic synthesiser. Irritating?, a little but it was so good to see the enthusiasm for the music in progress such engaged young minds :-)

Sameshitdiffname · 14/12/2015 13:36

I'm 25 so not 'a grumpy old bat' and in the end I would have turned around and said something to you rather than just stare so to be honest I think you got off lightly.

The first time should have passed without a state though.

thelouise · 14/12/2015 13:52

This "kind of ruined your afternoon". Hmm Either you are a drama lama or prone to exaggeration. I suspect a bit of both.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/12/2015 15:31

I think that although she OP says her DD brushed it accidentally she actually took a running jump at the chair constantly for the whole show. And had steel toe caps on.

The woman should have called the police.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 14/12/2015 17:07

arse "an enormous family who all produced reindeer antlers and jingle bells as soon as it started" Think that was me Blush

It's a fab event but let's play Mumsnet WhatIf....what if the lady in front had suffered 30 minutes of booting in the back on the bus from another child on the way to the RAH, so this 'one kick' was the final straw?

What if she felt there was no point in speaking as the event is loud and noisy?

I'm another person with a bad back, being booted in it, even by accident, is excruciating. The first time should have been an 'oops, sorry' and the second time should have been a seat swop. iMO, anyway.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/12/2015 17:32

What if she had an overactive thyroid which made her eyes prominent.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 14/12/2015 18:23

Grin what if she'd got the dates mixed up and thought it was an audition for Singalonga Exorcist?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/12/2015 19:26
Grin
CainInThePunting · 14/12/2015 20:09

It's not about being on a high horse, I'm simply trying to explain to you that you need to help your child understand what is acceptable behaviour and then perhaps you will get a few less filthy looks from the people in your environment.

I personally think your attitude is all wrong OP, you seem to be under the impression that a child will kick the backs of seats regardless and you as a parent can do nothing to stop this behaviour. You are not helpless.

If from a young age you explain to your child how their behaviour impacts others you would find your child better equipped to maintain appropriate behaviour in public.
This would lead to less anxiety for both parent and child as both would be more confident that the child is well behaved.
This would, in turn, make for a more relaxed evening for DC, for you and for the poor lady who had the misfortune to sit in front of you.

A noisy, event with crowd participation is one thing, kicking seat backs is another.

pippitysqueakity · 14/12/2015 20:10

You just never know which threads are going to kick off, do you?

Dipankrispaneven · 14/12/2015 22:31

I think that our generation are the best parents - there I said it!

Bollocks. No generation can claim that. Some people currently in their 50s and 60s brought their children up according to Penelope Leach and their philosophy was pretty similar to modern parenting. Other people of that age went in for ignoring crying children, leaving them lying outdoors on their own for hours, rigid feeding schedules, corporal punishment, you name it. And some modern parents equally ignore their children and abuse them. People are different, and that's all there is to it.

Selinemaratima · 14/12/2015 23:51

ODFOD and RTFT - lightening miserable afternoon for OP
this thread has really kicked off hasn't it! Tis the season to be jolly, not rant and piss and moan on mumsnet to relieve the tension!