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Original poster

To say no to pizza pasta again?

445 replies

karmakameleon · 12/12/2015 11:57

So I'm trying to arrange dinner with a friend and her family and she's suggested a pizza pasta place. Fairly standard kid food but my problem is that DS (3yrs old) doesn't like it. DS will happily eat Indian, Thai, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican amongst other things, so I don't think he can be described as fussy, but just not pizza and pasta.

As you imagine this comes up regularly when we eat out with friends and in the past I've taken the view that DS can have some bread and fill up on ice cream after. But this time I've had enough and put my foot down as I just feel it's not fair on DS to always be the one that can't eat and ends up going home hungry. Also I know that DS really doesn't like pizza pasta as I've offered it to him a hundred times but I'm guessing that my friend's child hasn't tried half the options I've suggested. (The specific places I've mentioned to her all do some mild options in smaller sized portions although not specifically a children's menu.) And if the worst came to the worst, surely her DS could pick at his main and then have lots of ice cream for pudding like mine has had to in the past?

Anyway, the whole thing is proving quite traumatic, she's not taking up any of my suggestions and sticking fairly rigidly to her original choice and I'm getting the feeling that the whole thing is off unless I do as I'm told compromise. So now I'm starting to feel guilty and think maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable as it is a fairly standard choice. But then it's not DS's fault he doesn't like it...

OP posts:
OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 22:44

But he had chicken and chips! Not pizza or pasta!

Original poster
karmakameleon · 15/12/2015 22:49

Sorry, in your haste to prove me wrong, did you forget to RTFT? Or did you just miss the bit where I said (more than once) that he doesn't always want chicken and chips? Hmm

OP posts:
myotherusernameisbetter · 15/12/2015 22:51

Right, so you did order the child's meal for your DS (so he could get the veg sticks) and he nibbled on a couple of chips and then ate half your DHs meal? So, how was your DS still hungry and why didn't your DH just eat the left over child's meal too?

I'm sorry OP but I'm not buying it. If your child only creates when you go to that chain and you only go there with this family then maybe it's got nothing to do with the food at all, or maybe you have a selective memory in that you only remember the issue with the food as you feel embarrassed in front of your friends.

OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 22:52

I have read the whole thread.

I just think it's incorrect to say pizza/pasta when there were other choices. I'm in no haste to prove you wrong.

You might want to ask for all the food to come together next time - children's dishes do usually come first.

OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 22:55

How often is EVERY TIME, by the way - once a week/month/quarter?

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/12/2015 22:58

Op you insist on referring to pizza/pasta as though those two dishes are the only options. It's an Italian restaurant. Italian style food is very mainstream and you'd be hard pressed to find a child in the UK who isn't familiar with it.
Very different from Japanese or Thai which many 3 year olds will not have had or may have only had a parents home cooked version.

There was plenty on the menu (as you've outlined) that your child could have eaten. Not the same as bringing a child who is known to have unadventurous tastes to a restaurant that is going to have very unfamiliar foods. You can be pretty much guaranteed he would refuse to even try anything!

Yes your friend was a pita but really you are both being quite unreasonable here in allowing the whims of three year olds cause this much angst.

OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 22:58

Did you consider calling her when texts didn't work? Saying "my boy doesn't like X, your boy doesn't like Y, what can we do to compromise?"

Original poster
karmakameleon · 15/12/2015 22:59

We meet once a month on average. As I said up thread hasn't been a problem in the summer (bring picnics) so just starting to become an issue again.

OP posts:
OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 23:03

And chain also did half portions of risotto, which your DS "sometimes" likes.

Look, I don't think you or your friend is covered in glory by this one! Next time, book giraffe or eat separately.

Original poster
karmakameleon · 15/12/2015 23:05

She by her own admission hasn't tried half of what's out there. She doesn't know what her boy will do. She doesn't know that he won't start to try more things if she perseveres. She doesn't know that he can't be told a quesadilla is a cheese toastie (that he does eat) and sold it that way because she just hasn't tried.

I however, have given the whole chain Italian thing a pretty good shot and know it doesn't work for us.

OP posts:
OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 23:05

Ok, say now, not just before the next meet up, that restaurant x didn't work so you'll book giraffe next time, hopefully all will love it and it can be the regular place.

Deciding with hungry children in tow always going to be tougher than a plan!

Mrsfrumble · 15/12/2015 23:15

Right, so what it comes down to is that you don't really think much if your "friend" then.

If I consider someone a friend, I don't generally have an opinion on what they or their child will or won't eat. Even if we were to eat out together and couldn't agree, I could overlook it if I'm fond of them and enjoy their company. Even if my own child ended up still hungry at the end of the night, if we only met once a month it's one meal out of 90. No big deal.

I don't think you're "wrong" as such OP. Of course it's best not to pander to fussy children. I just struggle to understand why it's such a big deal.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/12/2015 23:16

She doesn't know that he won't start to try more things if she perseveres.

Maybe so but I would think the time to try very new food options is at home rather than paying restaurant prices with a pretty good chance the child won't eat his meal. Besides that, who wants to go out to dinner with friends and then spend the time attempting to cajole a fussy 3 year old into trying new foods?

GColdtimer · 15/12/2015 23:23

It took 20 mins of negotiation with your 3 year old to choose his meal? For crying out loud, that is ridiculous.

You are both pandering to your children in my opinion.

TendonQueen · 16/12/2015 00:14

I sympathise, OP, and was one of the people saying earlier that it shouldn't always be your DS losing out in relation to the other boy. But I also said your friend was waiting for you to blink first, and that's exactly what you did. Hindsight I know, but you'd have done better saying 'No, as I've already said a few times, this doesn't work for us either. Look, we're going in there (place her husband drooled over) and if you want to come in, great, if not, you go there and we'll meet you afterwards'.

Oh, and next time, just book Giraffe and tell her afterwards that's what you've done.

Bogeyface · 16/12/2015 00:36

I could not be arsed with that.

"Sure we would love to go bowling but eating together doesnt work for us"

Kids are fussy in their own ways I get that, but why is Pizza Boy the only one catered for to the detriment of 3 adults and one other child?! Fuck. That.

Oh and I would invite Pizza Boys dad to eat with us on the basis that he would clearly rather not have his dietary choices dictated by his wife who CBA to offer her child anything other than the kids menu.

MidniteScribbler · 16/12/2015 00:41

I think you both sound like absolute pains in the arse.

Floggingmolly · 16/12/2015 08:39

she doesn't know that he won't start to try more things if she perseveres
I can't believe you're still banging that particular drum after admitting that you spent 20 minutes negotiating the menu with your boy, despite there being plenty of options that he does usually eat.
Yet you're convinced he would have ordered within 3 minutes at the Mexican... Confused

Sansoora · 16/12/2015 09:28

Negotiating over what he could like to choose from the menu took 15-20 minutes

OP, My grandchildren are very adventurous eaters. We can in fact take them to eat anywhere and they'll get stuck into a proper meal. But one thing we dont do with the two youngest is bamboozle them with a bewildering array of choice because kids being kids it can be really difficult for them to make their mind up. So, we, the adults, look at the menu and say you can have x y or z and if after a minute or so no choice has been made we order for them and when they food arrives they eat it. And we know they'll eat it because its not as if we'll order shite with sugar on it for them.

Your son isn't Little Lord Fauntleroy and neither is the other wee boy so for the sake of your friendship I think you either have it out with your pal and say this is not on, or you no longer meet up with your children present.

It really is that simple.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 16/12/2015 09:50

I have an very very fussy child - ds has huge ishoos over food ( he is most likely ASD and is being assessed for it). He can't deal with foods touching on a plate, lumps in sauces, the wrong kind of cheese, certain smells, the list goes on and on he is a mass of anxiety when we go somewhere new for lunch and it is down to me and dh to take the angst out of the experience as much as we can. So we look at the menus before we go somewhere new (if we can) and I will quickly identify what ds will eat and order it for him before he starts crying or acting up (he is 11 now so it can be embarrassing for him if he gets visibly distressed). We sit somewhere at the edge so he does not get to crowded in and if all he will eat is Garlic bread some chips and a milkshake we will consider that a success.

Spending too much time choosing a meal stresses children out it stresses the parents out and children pick up on our stress/ dissatisfaction (even subliminally). I will tell the kids who are dithering what I think they should have and generally they are happy with it - especially if it is followed by a nice dessert. I will generally go to an Italian place as it will have something that ds will eat on the menu I don't go out for meals with friends and kids as it is easier not to but a cafe/ millkshake bar/ ice cream after the cinema usually results in happy children and no stressful menu perusing.

If it bothers you so much to continually eat at Italian restaurants with your friend then either change your friends or stop going for meals with them as really it sounds like there is more going on when the choice of venue is vexing you so. If a child doesn't eat much at a restaurant then it is not a huge deal - many factors affect their enjoyment of food - you may go to a place that sounds good and find the food is awful. Whereas if you can sneak a sarnie to your child and enjoy the company of a friend in a restaurant they are comfortable in, then maybe it is not such a problem going 'pizza pasta' again.

dustarr73 · 16/12/2015 10:35

Op i was with you all the way through,i dont think your child is overly fussy.But you lost me when you gave in to your friend.You should have just went where you wanted and met up with her later.

If this is to be resolved you are going to just do what you want to do.Or eat first and meet up with her later.

thelouise · 16/12/2015 10:48

You both sound extremely stubborn; her for refusing to be flexible with restaurants and you on this thread. I can see why you are friends. You are quite similar. Grin

OnlyLovers · 16/12/2015 10:57

Your friend sounds a bit of a twat.

Next time stick to your guns. It's perfectly valid to say 'DH, DS and I are tired of going to the same kind of place all the time. Here are a few suggestions for somewhere different.'

If she rejects them say politely you'll give it a miss this time, thanks.

She'll get the message eventually.

Whathaveilost · 16/12/2015 11:08

I get you are meeting up from quite a distance with your friends but why does it have to b a restaurant you go to? Why not a cafe or tea shop and then have your main meal at home?

This has become a bigger issue than it's worth IMO. All you have to say when friend suggests something is, ' no, that's not a great choice, anyway it's my time to pick somewhere!'

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 16/12/2015 11:10

Well now you know that she'll never give an inch when you're planning another meal out.

Don't be a wuss next time and go where suits you and your ds.

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