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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to pizza pasta again?

445 replies

karmakameleon · 12/12/2015 11:57

So I'm trying to arrange dinner with a friend and her family and she's suggested a pizza pasta place. Fairly standard kid food but my problem is that DS (3yrs old) doesn't like it. DS will happily eat Indian, Thai, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican amongst other things, so I don't think he can be described as fussy, but just not pizza and pasta.

As you imagine this comes up regularly when we eat out with friends and in the past I've taken the view that DS can have some bread and fill up on ice cream after. But this time I've had enough and put my foot down as I just feel it's not fair on DS to always be the one that can't eat and ends up going home hungry. Also I know that DS really doesn't like pizza pasta as I've offered it to him a hundred times but I'm guessing that my friend's child hasn't tried half the options I've suggested. (The specific places I've mentioned to her all do some mild options in smaller sized portions although not specifically a children's menu.) And if the worst came to the worst, surely her DS could pick at his main and then have lots of ice cream for pudding like mine has had to in the past?

Anyway, the whole thing is proving quite traumatic, she's not taking up any of my suggestions and sticking fairly rigidly to her original choice and I'm getting the feeling that the whole thing is off unless I do as I'm told compromise. So now I'm starting to feel guilty and think maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable as it is a fairly standard choice. But then it's not DS's fault he doesn't like it...

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 12/12/2015 12:36

What about an all you can eat style restaurant that has all sorts of food under one roof?!

Original poster

karmakameleon · 12/12/2015 12:37

I gave the Japanese as a example of the comparable food on offer. If breaded chicken and potatoes is standard food for a 3yr old in an Italian, then why isn't it reasonable to expect a 3yr old to eat breaded chicken and rice in a Japanese?

Some of the options you've suggested aren't available in the area, some are and would be vetoed by the adults, and some would just be unsuitable for a 3yr old given that it's a town centre location likely to be busy with drunken Xmas parties at this time of year.

OP posts:

BanningTheWordNaice · 12/12/2015 12:39

I have to admit OP I think you're probably both being a bit UR. I get utterly sick of friends wanting to go to Pizza/Pasta places as I love all of the foods you've listed above but there is very rarely not something interesting on the meat/fish menu in either Zizzi's/Prezzo or Pizza Express. If she wants to go to ASK then YANBU at all;)

Toby carvery/weatherspoons I can totally understand wanting to avoid given it does usually tend to be same old things on the menu.

MyTeeZone · 12/12/2015 12:41

OP which restaurant is it? Can you ring up and ask to see the menu/check menu online? At a push you could ring up and see if they will let you bring your own food for DS, or better still order off-menu or from sides? So he could have fries etc

RamblingRedRose · 12/12/2015 12:41

Maybe it's the adults that don't fancy Japanese. What other places have you suggested?

Original poster

karmakameleon · 12/12/2015 12:42

It is about what he'll enjoy, of course it is. The whole point is why should he put up with food that he doesn't enjoy just so her DS can have something he likes.

With the chicken options, he can eat them and sometimes he will, sometimes he won't. He's three so not exactly predictable and sometimes won't eat if it's something he's a bit meh about. With the options I've suggested I know there will be something likes and will eat.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 12/12/2015 12:44

What options have you suggested to her?

Original poster

karmakameleon · 12/12/2015 12:45

But again why should my DS have to bring his own food or eat part of a proper meal (eg chips)? Why not the other boy this time?

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 12/12/2015 12:45

Honestly you are both being unreasonable.

She is to want to go somewhere only her DC like and it sounds like you are wanting to go to restaurants that are out of her DC (and possibly her) comfort zone.

My ds is a picky eater. Taking him to a Japanese restaurant wouldn't work.

Even if it was plain chicken, the fact that he was called something else would put him off. He hates any sort of greenery on his food. Herbs or anything.

What other places have you suggested?

If it's all along the Japanese lines then Yabu.

Where do you live that there is no frankie and bennys or similar around?

Original poster

karmakameleon · 12/12/2015 12:46

I've suggested a Thai, a Mexican and also a Giraffe as an alternative kid friendly chain.

OP posts:

IguanaTail · 12/12/2015 12:47

Thai and Mexican food are not popular with a lot of 3 year olds. Giraffe might be better with a large scope of choice.

cleaty · 12/12/2015 12:48

I just want to point out that lots of children grow up eating very spicy food.

IguanaTail · 12/12/2015 12:48

Yes but an awful lot don't.

DoreenLethal · 12/12/2015 12:48

The whole point is why should he put up with food that he doesn't enjoy just so her DS can have something he likes.

I've had this for 31 years. 'Vegetarian option' Who knows or cares - they are just vegetarians and are not worth the effort of writing the menu options down [AKA we will just see what we have at the back of the fridge if one of those people comes in].

Anyway - you have been given a script that works - try using it. I know I do when restaurant options are offered. Have you got a Red Hot Buffet type place that does pizza pasta and spicy foods?

SauvignonPlonker · 12/12/2015 12:48

Do you have to meet for lunch? Why not meet for coffee/cake/snacks to a playpark or soft play?

Lj8893 · 12/12/2015 12:49

I think Girrafe is a perfectly valid option for both parties and she is being U for not accepting that.

Lj8893 · 12/12/2015 12:51

Yes, lots of children do eat spicy food but lots don't eat it. As well as lots of adults who don't!
I can cope with a little spice wheras dh doesn't enjoy spicy food at all (and is a chef and not a fussy eater at all).

CastaDiva · 12/12/2015 12:51

Of course you should both be able to take turns choosing a place to eat in, but I am detecting a certain air of superiority in your posts, which seem to disdain the chicken nuggets/pasta/pizza type of food because your child happens to eat Thai, Japanese, Mexican etc. It sounds a bit like 'why should my adventurous child eat food he considers boring because your child is a food conservative?'

Or is this really about where you personally would prefer to eat vs where your friend would prefer to eat? Which is fair enough. I wouldn't make a one-off restaurant decision based on where my three-year-old would like to eat. I would choose somewhere I liked which was acceptable to all the other adults also, and let the children experiment with little bites of things in a pressure-free way, or eat in advance or afterwards.

I have given birth to the world's most conservative three year old, but we feed him before we go out if we know there's no way he'll touch anything on the menu, and sometimes we have tiny victories.

srslylikeomg · 12/12/2015 12:51

Giraffe is a great compromise. There are loads of options. If she doesn't go for that she ibu. I think a blunt upfront "is pizza the only option you are comfortable with?" Nip any pass aggressive shit in the bud.

MyTeeZone · 12/12/2015 12:52

OP I think you're being a little precious... As PPs have suggested, one child will have to be put out.

There will still be most likely a huge selection that your son can choose from. Chips, chicken, fish, potatoes, lots of adventurous, adult-type tastes too. What about risotto? Arancini? Garlic bread? Dough balls? Calamari? Olives? Fish stew?

I'm a vegetarian and whilst I love spicy Japanese/Indonesian/Indian cuisine, I'm perfectly happy to stick with the same old menu options when I'm eating with friends - it's just one meal!

If worst comes to worst, get your DS to choose something simple from the menu and then take him out that evening/next day for a really delicious meal for both of you!

Seems too me like you'd really like to highlight to your friend how much of a "grown-up" eater your DS is Nothing wrong with that, i had "sophisticated tastes" too as a young child but one day of something a bit plainer won't kill him. Also, let him try the food options suggested above - he might love eg calamari which most pizza/pasta restaurants have

MyTeeZone · 12/12/2015 12:54

CastaDiva - X post!!

srslylikeomg · 12/12/2015 12:54

Also: agree with pp about sounding a teeny bit smug about your DC and his educated palate! Defo avoid any hint of that with your friend unless you want pasta fifths next one million years

Original poster

karmakameleon · 12/12/2015 12:59

I don't think I'm smug about it. I like that he's happy to try a good variety of food but I also find it frustrating in equal measure. Pasta was my go to quick dinner. I still do cook it at home but I'm better prepared in the privacy of my own home for the times he does make a fuss (and sometimes we have tears) or requires a huge amount of effort to get him to eat a few spoonfuls even though he's starving.

OP posts:

Greengardenpixie · 12/12/2015 12:59

Well whats wrong with mcdonalds? All round good value and a choice for everyone waits for the onslaught

cleaty · 12/12/2015 12:59

Is this just a pizza/pasta place or a proper Italian restaurant? A pizza/pasta place may only do that. An Italian restaurant will do some more interesting choices that would suit all of you. Especially if he likes fish.

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