To say no to pizza pasta again?

[karmakameleon]

So I'm trying to arrange dinner with a friend and her family and she's suggested a pizza pasta place. Fairly standard kid food but my problem is that DS (3yrs old) doesn't like it. DS will happily eat Indian, Thai, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican amongst other things, so I don't think he can be described as fussy, but just not pizza and pasta.

As you imagine this comes up regularly when we eat out with friends and in the past I've taken the view that DS can have some bread and fill up on ice cream after. But this time I've had enough and put my foot down as I just feel it's not fair on DS to always be the one that can't eat and ends up going home hungry. Also I know that DS really doesn't like pizza pasta as I've offered it to him a hundred times but I'm guessing that my friend's child hasn't tried half the options I've suggested. (The specific places I've mentioned to her all do some mild options in smaller sized portions although not specifically a children's menu.) And if the worst came to the worst, surely her DS could pick at his main and then have lots of ice cream for pudding like mine has had to in the past?

Anyway, the whole thing is proving quite traumatic, she's not taking up any of my suggestions and sticking fairly rigidly to her original choice and I'm getting the feeling that the whole thing is off unless I do as I'm told compromise. So now I'm starting to feel guilty and think maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable as it is a fairly standard choice. But then it's not DS's fault he doesn't like it...

We live in the Southern USA and our local pizza place offers the "Bacon Macadelic", topped with bacon and macaroni cheese. God bless 'Murica!

DS, the fussy bugger, won't touch it even though his 3 favorite foods are bacon, macaroni cheese and pizza . As the locals would say, go figure...

I wouldn't be going out to dinner with anyone that insisted their three year old should dictate the venue.

Me neither. It just wouldn't happen unless there were genuine special needs involved and not mummy just having made a fussy eater out of someone for the sake of peace and quiet.

Me and my friends choose where we like to eat (because we are the adults) and the children get what we decide is appropriate for them.

Thank God for common sense.

Does it matter who bloody chooses. point is op is sick of eating the same crap she doesn't like that much and her ds doesn't get a proper meal and for once shed like to go somewhere a bit different.

would you let your friends choose the film every time you wanted to go to the cinema or would you take turns?

it's very selfish to not budge an inch.

Hang on - I paused at "I hate most Italian food".

What?!?!

First, what is Italian food (hint - it is not pizza pasta). It certainly is not just tomato sauces or cream sauces. A very ignorant response which I had to call you out on. I am not going to wast my time listing the depth and variety which is "Italian food" - I put in quotes as there is no one Italian Food, but an amalgam of regional cuisines which differ greatly from each other. To educate your palate, there have been many, many shows on TV highlighting the variety of food in Italy (the Giorgio Locatelli one and the one with Antonio Carlucci are pretty good). To state you hate most of a cuisine without even knowing what it comprises of is very, very silly.

Yabu and so is your friend. You should be able to go to a 'middle of the road' restaurant with children, so alternate between pizza express, giraffe, gourmet burger kitchen, harvester etc. I wouldn't expect a child to want to eat Mexican, Indian, Thai etc so wouldn't push that.

Mominatrix, I think it was just a general term and not a ref to Italian food as you're defining it.

I wouldn't expect a child to want to eat Mexican, Indian, Thai etc so wouldn't push that.

Eh? Why on earth not? Are these children stuck in the 1950s and suspicious of anything 'foreign'?

What do you think Mexican, Indian and Thai children eat?

I think the OP's had a hard time here when it's her friend who is being unreasonable - wanting to go to the same place every time (how dull) even though the OP doesn't want to.

Other people have projected smugness onto her posts.

Sansoora, the quote is:

"I hate most italian food.
I hate tomato dishes, creamy things are out, anything with fish in, ( bar battered) anything with cooked tomatoes, so i'd hate to go there.
I only ever have pizza from dominoes as they do one with a cheesey sauce in the middle.
I mever ate pizza as a small child."

Not sure when "Italian food" is used as a general term for pizza and pasta.

Whatever you do, don't pal up with anyone who can't eat gluten.

Why definately

people can't help having celiac. and I'm sure most reasonable people would he happy to take turns picking a restaurant as long as there were at least chips on the menu. we've all had to make do with something we not that keen on before just to please others. it's only a problem if the other person is never willing for it to be them

This thread is so offensive. Who gets to decides what cuisine is 'adventurous' and which is bland. Surely it depends on what is normal for your family. My family is mixed race. 'Normal' food for my 4 and 2 year olds is Indian, Chinese, British, Italian.... Pretty much anything. They would happily choose noodles, rice, curry over a roast dinner for example however as this is culturally what they are being brought up to eat. I agree with the OP in that it is only fair to swap round the choice of restaurant to suit each families taste. Food is food, I really don't get this food snobbery and those of you who say your children wouldn't eat at restaurants other than Italians are perhaps reinforcing to your children that they won't like more 'adventurous' food. How about some encouragement for children to try different things.

Not sure when "Italian food" is used as a general term for pizza and pasta.

Perhaps when there's a lack of exposure to the real thing and the likes of whats served up in Frankie and Bennyes is considered Italian.

I agree Hobbit. I don't see why people think the OP is showing off just because her child likes Thai and Mexican food. These are mainstream food options in the UK these days! Lots of kids like things beyond dough balls and pizza.

Hmm. YANBU to suggest other places. Also I have a niece and nephew who must be pandered to in all aspects, not just food (no outings to places which have petting zoos due to terror of animals etc) and it's ridiculously annoying.

However I think YABU to say they don't have anything on the kid's menu he will eat when surely you could just order off the adult menu and box up what ever he doesn't eat. And to worry so much about him enjoying his food. It's one meal.

I imagine the friend has vouchers for the preferred venue.
Or is having an affair with one of the waiters and needs a cover story.

Since OP hasn't been back for a while, wonder if friend has said, "Nandos sounds good" and she is too embarrassed to say!

So an update.

Friend waited until the night before our meet up to get back to me. Didn't seem too keen on any of my suggestions, offered up another pizza/pasta chain that I rejected and then said that giraffe may work. But by then it was too late to book and didn't want to chance it without a reservation.

On the day, we met up as planned, did the activity and when we'd finished both boys were starving. We decided to head to a part of town popular with families and a choice of seven or eight restaurants and go from there. There is quite a bit of choice, all are full of families with small children and only one is an Italian.

First choice was an international type place with lots of variety and hopefully something for everyone. Problem was it was the busiest and had a wait for tables, so a no go. My next choice was the Mexican. My DS would have had tortilla chips, guacamole, a quesidilla and corn on the corn. Not IMO widely sophisicated or exotic but wouldn't be suitable for her DS.

Then it became interesting! Her DH saw a place he loved and was desperate to go to. He stood outside practically drooling! She said "oh no cant go there as it's not suitable for the boys" to which I quickly replied "don't worry it's fine for our DS!" and headed straight for the door. She hesitated, asked what DS would have (chicken and rice), clearly looked torn and then said "no, won't work for our DS." If it had been up to the adults I think this would have been the choice but it wasn't to be.

So guess where we ended up? That's right, the Italian! As soon as she saw it, she said "that's probably the best bet, everyone happy?" Three adults sighed, shrugged their shoulders and accepted that we could either go through each choice and have the same conversation, finally ruling it out and end up at the Italian or just miss the middle bit and go straight to the Italian. So we did.

If you let her get away with that then you all deserved your Italian meal.

Now, for what DS had to eat.

I know lots of people have made suggestions above and they are all well meaning, but we've done this a lot and know that they don't always work (although sometimes we do get lucky) because we're dealing with a temperamental 3yr old.

First choice was a half size portion of an adult main. I know that the chain we were at do this for the pasta (not useful for us) and risotto dishes. So first thing was to convince DS he wanted risotto. Sometimes works but not today.

They don't do fish or meat main in half sizes so if that's what he wanted it creates a problem. I know a few people have just said order an adult main and lump the cost, but I think that really would be madness. And I can just see my friends AIBU now!

"AIBU to think my friend is totally bonkers? We went for lunch today with our DC and rather than order from the kids menu for her DS she insisted he really had to have an adult main. So she ordered a £16 sea bass dish for a 3yr old! Obviously he barely made a dent in it and I'm sure he would have much preferred a children's pizza, which my DS demolished. Is it just me or is she totally crazy?!"

Anyway it wasn't an option because at this point DS had noticed some other children eating veg sticks, which he wanted and only came as part of the kids menu. So I tried to get him to choose a main. There was pizza, pasta in a tomato sauce or a cheese sauce, fish and chips or chicken and chips. He didn't want any of them and was quite vocal about it.

In the end DH told DS what he was having and asked if he wanted to share. Finally DS had found something he likes and was happy so sharing it was. However when the food came the portion was no way big enough for two (even though we had starters too) and both DH and DS left hungry and had to grab a snack from Tesco on the way home.

Gileswithachainsaw trying to find somewhere compatible to eat when you are looking for gluten free is tough and the ones that have been the easiest to find and not too expensive have been places like Bella Italia. The Harvester is also good for flagging up which dishes are gluten free but they are a bit beige as well.

OP - it sounds like it is her way or the highway. I think you may have to start rethinking this.

But Sansoora, what was I realistically meant to do? Really the only option was to part ways for food because she wasn't going to relent. I could have done that it would have been totally anti social and certainly wouldn't have felt right to me as it seems so rude.

Karma, thats a very valid point. What was I supposed to do? But truth be told I would have stood there and said 'no bloody way'.

But then I am like that.

So guess where we ended up? That's right, the Italian! As soon as she saw it, she said "that's probably the best bet, everyone happy?" Three adults sighed, shrugged their shoulders and accepted that we could either go through each choice and have the same conversation, finally ruling it out and end up at the Italian or just miss the middle bit and go straight to the Italian. So we did.

But Sansoora, what was I realistically meant to do?

Um, instead of 3 adults sighing and shrugging their shoulders they could have opened their mouths and said 'no, that's not going to work for us' and walked into somewhere else, such as the place that Mrs selfish and fussy's DH wanted to go to. Fussy 3 YO could have had bread and ice cream in the absence of anything he actually wanted.