Y1 Teacher Refused to let DS go to the toilet, resulting in sitting in mess all day.

[FreeSpirit89]

My mum picked DS1 aged 5 up from school Friday afternoon (3.15pm), He was clearly distressed, and upset. When she got him beyond the school gates he told her he had messy pants on. He said he had asked to go to the toilet before first break (10.30am) and the teacher had said no, he couldn't hold it any longer and messed his pants.

The school is aware that DS has bowel problems, they have letters on file from his consultant specialist at the hospital as well as the family GP, and myself explaining that he needs to be able to have access to water at all times, and due to his condition he may not have much warning that he needs to go to the toilet, and it tends to leak out of him fairly quickly.

His bottom was red raw, and little sores have appeared at the top of his bum crack due to being made to sit in his own mess all day. He is quite upset, and doesn't want to go back to school because he thinks it will happen again.

Im planning on approaching the school head about this on Monday, but i am at a loss at how to do so? The head's default reaction to anything where the parent isn't there to witness the incident is that the child may be lying. I want to go prepared and not get to angry, which at the moment i'm struggling with. I just cant believe that they have treated this issue with no sensitivity and ignore my sons pleas for the toilet.

Any idea's how i can get them to listen and ensure this doesn't happen again would be greatly appreciated.

My default instruction to my class is 'If you are desperate and I'm busy with a group or you don't have time to ask, JUST Go and tell me when you get back.'

A school which puts the blame onto a young child, instead of taking responsibility and apologising, is not a school I woukd want my child in. The evidence is ds soiled clothes and sore bottom, explain that away.

All a parent needs to do if their child has a genuine need, is talk to me. They will then always be allowed to go. But letting every child go every time they ask would be bedlam.

Generally if they need it, they aren't sniggering and asking 2 seconds afte their mate has gone...

Dear god I'm glad you don't teach my children

Same thing happened to me at the same age. I had my hand up and teacher was ignoring my hand and as i got more desperate i was waving and attempting to get it across as we were not allowed to ask anything without hands up. The teacher of course said I hadn't asked to go and also said when i pointed out i had my hand up for absolutely ages that I was making it up and being a drama queen. The same teacher always did things like this and when I understandably got upset and agitated as she was the liar and loved using her power to punish me, would then get a kick out of using my upset to prove I was a little drama queen. I have never forgotten and still feel some anger as my parents initial sympathy would then become irritation and punishments for 'exaggerating and causing them hassle and embarrassment'. I swear the evil cow would smirk and gloat everytime and it made speaking out about my abusive homelife which was a misery was impossible as the school labelled me as a naughty, drama queen who lied for attention. Oops sorry to go into all that but pleade do stand up for your son in case the teacher and school are going to try wiggling out of blame if they know he did ask. He will love you for it and it will help him be able to speak out about things at school x

This would be totally unacceptable if this was an adult in a home, just because it's a child, it's no different. That day fir whatever reason, the school failed in its duty of care towards that child, resulting in op ds sutting in soiled clothes as a result and having damaged skin. There should never be a repeat of this ever.

This post is upsetting. Your poor DC. Its cruelty. For those saying teacher didnt notice, whats the matter with her bloody nose? He sat there in smelly pants all day, and other children would have noticed that too. How mortifying. OP definetely take this complaint as far as you can but tbh Id not want my child in a school where a teacher lacks basic common sense and decency.

Your children are likely in a class with similar rules. You're misreading my posts because you want to have a problem with it.

I have clearly said that children who NEED to go are allowed. But most schools will not automatically let every child who asks go, because children aren't daft and once they realise everyone is always allowed, use it as a chance to go and spend 5 minutes out of the lesson.

I always ask twice to check, and I know the children that use it as an excuse as they give it away with their expressions. My kids know only to ask if they genuinely need it, and have on occasion actually said "I can wait" when I've said its only a few minutes until playtime. I'm not mean, I just don't want my classroom to be a free flow circus. I've never had a child whose had an accident, and I work in an area where parents aren't afraid to be vocal.

Go mental. That's appalling. That no one noticed a child sat in his own mess all day is equally appalling.

I hope he is feeling better and isn't sore.

I would speak to the school - but is it possible he didn't ask or was too shy to say he was desperate and had an accident but was too embarrassed to say or tell you?

I am just gobsmacked that a teacher would let this happen.

My sister was a director of a nursery and a parent storm in to say that her son had had a rake shoved up his bottom by another child. The truth was that he was bending over and another child twanged the waistband of his joggers. He worded it badly to his mum and was too embarrassed to tell the truth.

When ds1 was in Year 1, he went through a phase where he'd get very little warning when he needed a wee, and he wet himself a few times.

Each time, the school sorted him out with clean clothes, and after the first few times, when it became clear it wasn't a one-off, and he had a bit of a problem, they told him he could just go to the loo whenever he needed to, without having to ask first. I didn't have to ask - they put this in place for him because it was what was best for him.

Like the OP's son, his classroom had a loo right there, so he could nip off quickly, without disrupting the class. Luckily it was a phase, and he grew out of it by the end of the year, and it was never a problem again.

And there was never any suggestion that it caused all the other children to want to 'go' without asking - they all seemed to appreciate that he needed this special permission, and they didn't.

Its very clear from this thread that many posters have been never been in a busy classroom of 30 little ones. There is so much happening, it is very very difficult to be aware of every little thing that goes on. Yes the teacher should have realised but he / she is only human at the end of the day. There are 2 adults and you have 30 children to take care of. You are trying to teach, deal with arguments, blow noses, change pants, give asthma inhalers, patch up knees etc.

It a horrible situation but i am sure it was not done on purpose. We are teachers because we love children and went to nurture and support them and their learning. We don't do it so we can inflict shame and misery!

Agree about investigating further - children at that age can and do get things mixed up in terms of times etc. I've had children claim they were pushed over at first break, whereas in fact what happened was they fell at tidy up time at the end of the day. Embarrassment is also a big factor - they can feel ashamed if they wet / fall and it saves face to blame someone else.

Good luck in getting to the bottom of it OP.

Two things: op ds has a bowel condition which school was made aware of, and he asked the teacher to use the toilet and was refused. This should never have happened. Systems should have been in place to ensure all staff working with ds, knew of his condition, that if he asks for the toilet, should be given access to it, should be asked every half hour if he needs the toilet. This did not happen, their duty of care towards was unacceptable.

It really annoys me when you get people on threads like this who say 'No teacher would do that on purpose' or 'I can't see any teacher doing that'.

Teaching is just like any other profession and there a few bad apples in there. Teachers have slept with their pupils or been convicted of cruelty.

This attitude of 'Oh a teacher wouldn't do that, the child must be lying or mistaken' is insidious. At the milder end of the scale it means teachers can get away with doing things like this. At the top end of the scale it can lead to abuse being covered up. It's one of the predominant things abuse victims in many of the recent high profile historical abuse cases have said. That they were disbelieved in the face of characters whose standing apparently made them beyond reproach.

I'm going to be a qualified teacher in about a year hopefully. But in my experience of the classroom so fat there seem to be one or two teachers who actively loathe some or all of the children they teach.

If they needed extra funding for a TA for ds, school should have applied for this. Ds has a disability, if it cannot be managed within the normal remits of the school, they need to app,y for extra funding to support op ds.

He asked the teacher to use the toilet and was refused

This is not a fact, its a 5 year old's version of events. The OP hasnt clarified anything yet with the school. I dont think the teacher should be being written off as cruel and a bad apple before the OP even knows the full story.

Children can and do get things muddled up.

Agree with hollie. Find out more before leaping to conclusions.

You should hear the things kids say about their parents.

hollie that does not excuse the fact a young child was left in soiled clothes all day. If this were any other setting they would be in trouble, because it's school it's ok .

She didn't say it was ok. Nobody did. It is reasonable to look into the circumstances though first, surely.

Thanks Iguana. God i hate this relentless teacher bashing. No wonder everyone is leaving the profession. MissClarke has made some perfectly reasonable points on this thread and people are saying things like "thank God you dont teach my kids". FFS.

Booyaka if you haven't even qualified yet then forgive me if i don't take your vast "experience" of teachers so far as gospel.

Yes, I imagine if a child told the school their parent stopped them from going to the toilet, left them sitting in their own waste all day and the child was visibly damaged as a result the teacher would be expected to report that too.

Exactly booyaka, if this was the other way round, the parent sent a child into school like that, tge child told the teacher the parent would not allow them to use the toilet, it would flag up safeguarding at that school.

I didn't claim I had 'vast' experience. But I have come across one or two teachers who are really rather nasty people. I don't think you need to be particularly experienced to pick up on that.

I just think this attitude that out of hundreds of thousands of teaching staff each one is saintly and beyond reproach. I think this blanket attitude of blanket denial because 'no teacher would do that' is absolute nonsense.