Y1 Teacher Refused to let DS go to the toilet, resulting in sitting in mess all day.

[FreeSpirit89]

My mum picked DS1 aged 5 up from school Friday afternoon (3.15pm), He was clearly distressed, and upset. When she got him beyond the school gates he told her he had messy pants on. He said he had asked to go to the toilet before first break (10.30am) and the teacher had said no, he couldn't hold it any longer and messed his pants.

The school is aware that DS has bowel problems, they have letters on file from his consultant specialist at the hospital as well as the family GP, and myself explaining that he needs to be able to have access to water at all times, and due to his condition he may not have much warning that he needs to go to the toilet, and it tends to leak out of him fairly quickly.

His bottom was red raw, and little sores have appeared at the top of his bum crack due to being made to sit in his own mess all day. He is quite upset, and doesn't want to go back to school because he thinks it will happen again.

Im planning on approaching the school head about this on Monday, but i am at a loss at how to do so? The head's default reaction to anything where the parent isn't there to witness the incident is that the child may be lying. I want to go prepared and not get to angry, which at the moment i'm struggling with. I just cant believe that they have treated this issue with no sensitivity and ignore my sons pleas for the toilet.

Any idea's how i can get them to listen and ensure this doesn't happen again would be greatly appreciated.

I went to uni doing a different course first, when I was 18. Didn't stay past 1 year. Started my teaching course after working in a school for a bit.

Not lying, but feel free to think so. Why would I lie on here? What would I get from it?

Science?

And I carried on working while starting my course. Don't see why you have such a problem with that.

Good luck FreeSpirit. Be great if you could report back - think we are all intrigued! Hope you can get things resolved with the school so that the situation improves for your DS.

Hello OP, just to say that. Hope your communication with the school goes well today.

They certainly need to know that your little lad came home dirty on Friday. I really hope they are able to throw some light on it, and that your worst fears (and those of some posters on this thread) are shown to not have been issues; particularly the idea that a teacher knowingly left him sitting in poo all day. I really hope it becomes clear that his accident happened much later in the day and also that there wasn't an issue of him being refused his request to go to the toilet, given his background situation. I hope that it turns out that your little lad just wasn't quite clear about the timings (little ones often don't even know the difference between morning and afternoon, especially when they look back) and just had a late accident,on this occasion.

Regardless, there are clearly discussions to be had with the school, to ensure all staff do know about his needs and that everyone is clear about how to ensure accidents are minimised and what to do if one does occur, including him being clear how to communicate his need to go to the loo or if he has had an accident. I hope that the conversation can be positive and productive,rather than starting from a point of criticism, and I hope that you feel happy with the way the school responds to your queries.

I know you are trying to leave the school and feel your relationship with them has already broken down, but it would be great for you and your boy, if this all has some kind of positive outcome, so he can finish the week and both of you can start the new term, feeling you are going forward WITH the school.

I would also really like to know what comes out of all this. A number of people on this thread have been so negative about schools and assumed without the facts that the teacher was deliberately cruel or that the school won't be interested in moving forward in a positive way. I know OP, that with your previous experience with the school, it might be difficult for you to see positives in the outcome, either in terms of the details of what actually happened, or in terms of what the school is prepared to do moving forward, but I hope for both you and other posters too, that it will come to light, that things are not always as they seem on first glance, especially when the only reporter is a 5 year old, and also that often schools do want to do the right thing and are willing to engage to improve things.

Hope it goes well.

yet often one person going does trigger more people that want to go.

With respect, that is simply tough. If I need to go, I need to go. If my going to the loo makes someone else decide that they need the loo as well, well so be it.

As an adult, if I need to go, I can go. I cannot understand why some teachers think it's appropriate to tell a child they can't go. I know some kids mess around, a good teacher knows when you are messing around. A bad one just says no and then leaves someone to poo their pants or possibly leak if they are a teenage girl on their period. But I simply cannot accept that people should be refused permission to go to the loo.

Equally I dislike the restaurants etc who are precious about their loos being used when there are no public loos around. I worked in a libary where the loo was always locked. Some people did ask, but obviously the idea of it being locked was to act as a disincentive to use it.

Going to the toilet is a medical need. Some people can hang on for hours. Others can't. it's not a competition, just be helpful if someone needs the loo!

Another well said!

I find it interesting how some people are so desperate to make excuses for a school they don't even know

This.

I cant believe someone reading this who had any empathy in their body could come up with some of the criticisms levelled towards the OP. Think of it if it was your 5 year old. Does it matter what the wee soul calls it?? Some people should be ashamed of themselves. So sorry for your wee boy OP.

I am actually pleasantly surprised with the school, I called at 8am this morning to ask if I could meet with the head. Was told someone would call me back, the head herself was on the phone within 15 minutes, she apologised profusely and assured me that she would ensure it didn't happen again. She would investigate and get back to me by Friday.

When I arrived to drop DS off at 8.45 his class teacher was waiting to speak with me. She said it's possible that she had a ring of children around her asking questions when DS approached her and she asked him to wait a minute with his question. At that point it was too late for DS and he didn't mention it, being a little embarrassed. The teacher explained to DS that in future, if he leaves a card on his desk that she gave him when he needs to go she will know where he is and is able to take himself without needing to alert the teacher.

They are implementing a draw in class for him to have wipes, pants and trousers in, so he can clean himself up if needs be.

An updated care plan has already been done, and sent home in his bag this afternoon that I only need to sign which will remain as an electronic file and be sent to all teachers DS has dealings with throughout his day.

I am impressed with how well both his teacher and head have dealt with this. Both seemed mortified, but we've agreed the most important thing is that it doesn't happen again. DS seems confident to return with these measures in place.

What a great result FreeSpirit. Really pleased for you and your DS.

And a big Fuck You to all the posters who accused the teacher of wilful neglect, calling for her career to be ruined etc. Hope you feel proud of yourselves.

Going to the toilet and access to water are basic human rights. Ideally children should go to the toilet at playtime but he's 5 ffs! I've never been in a school where a child wasn't allowed to go to the toilet. I've heard 'yes you can but make sure you go at playtime next time' and things like that. How could anyone not noticed he'd soiled himself for the whole afternoon? Very neglectful I'd be fuming.

Super result :)

OP, I'm not clear why his accident wasn't noticed and no one did anything about it.

op what a great result am so pleased for you and card is excellent idea!

shame it happened in the first place ( and these measures were not already in place....)but hopefully it wont again

Fantastic result op.

Grunt - I am not clear on that and neither are the teachers. It appears he didn't say anything about messing himself, they didn't pick it up either. DS has been spoken to at length today about the importance of speaking to the teacher of he has an accident, even asking for a private word.

I can argue with them and demand investigations but ultimately it isn't going to change what has happened. And I won't ever know for certain why it happened. I am angry that it wasn't noticed, but I think I'd rather move forward with everyone on the same page and working together instead of creating animosity when I need a good relationship with the school.

The teacher concerned apologised to both me and DS, and was genuinely mortified that he had come home from her care like that.A plan is in place in case it happens again, with several things in place so it can be dealt with quickly and with minimal fuss.

The teachers ability to teacher was never in question, I am pleased they took it seriously and didn't decide to sweep it under the rug. My confidence has been restored in them by the fast paced way in which the staff dealt with the new plan especially considering they had two performances of the Christmas play to deal with today too. I'm pleased that DS's welfare meant they took the time on a busy day to address it and comfort DS.

That is wonderful op, it was a genuine mistake, but did the teacher not notice the smell and wonder what it was?

That us fantastic that the school are on top of it, and they sound really caring and lovely. great result .

A fantastic result. I would be impressed with a school that dealt with an issue that swiftly and comprehensively. You'll never really know how it occurred but the action they have taken is exemplary.

Free - maybe your ds could have a second card, as well as the 'going to the loo' one - so if he has an accident, he can just hand it to the teacher, and doesn't have to either tell her what's happened in front of other children, or draw attention to himself by asking for a private word.

Glad it was taken so seriously, OP, and that a plan is in place.

LagunaBubbles
"I find it interesting how some people are so desperate to make excuses for a school they don't even know"

In the same way that posters where happy to vilify the teacher?

OP

I am please that this has been sorted and you are happy with the result.

"In the same way that posters where happy to vilify the teacher?"

Very, very few actually "vilified" the teacher. Most of us thought it was unacceptable. Clearly the teacher in question thought so too and they've rectified it. I have far more respect for a person who admits their mistakes and goes to lengths to make amends than those who squabble over the minor details and shift blame elsewhere.

thelouise

"Very, very few actually "vilified" the teacher."

Its more than very, very few, some have even gone on to vilify other teachers when children want to go to the toilet because the lessons are "boring"

"Most of us thought it was unacceptable."

I'm not going to reread the thread but AFAICS everyone thought that it was unacceptable (at least a good 95%+).

"I have far more respect for a person who admits their mistakes and goes to lengths to make amends than those who squabble over the minor details and shift blame elsewhere."

I suspect that most people are the same.

It's as I thought. I counted 16 pieces of sane advice and 28 ranting posts. I could t be bothered to count any more.... "so livid" "what a load of crap" "beyond neglectful" "raise merry hell" "look for another school" "no excuse" "generally the teacher denies all knowledge ...the child is blamed...an idea of the likely response" "I would be giving written complaint to HT Ofstead (sic) LEA (sic)" "failed miserably in duty of care" "teacher probably on a power trip" "fucking ridiculous" "awful" "stuff of nightmares" "so degrading" "school refused to let a 5 year old go to the toilet??!!" "So serious" "report to safeguarding officer".

And what happened? The parent went in to raise the issue, profuse apologies all round, immediate plan put in place. Just as it should be. A very regrettable incident but, miracle of miracles, the staff genuinely didn't know, they have done what they can to make sure it doesn't happen again.