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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Y1 Teacher Refused to let DS go to the toilet, resulting in sitting in mess all day.

379 replies

FreeSpirit89 · 12/12/2015 10:01

My mum picked DS1 aged 5 up from school Friday afternoon (3.15pm), He was clearly distressed, and upset. When she got him beyond the school gates he told her he had messy pants on. He said he had asked to go to the toilet before first break (10.30am) and the teacher had said no, he couldn't hold it any longer and messed his pants.

The school is aware that DS has bowel problems, they have letters on file from his consultant specialist at the hospital as well as the family GP, and myself explaining that he needs to be able to have access to water at all times, and due to his condition he may not have much warning that he needs to go to the toilet, and it tends to leak out of him fairly quickly.

His bottom was red raw, and little sores have appeared at the top of his bum crack due to being made to sit in his own mess all day. He is quite upset, and doesn't want to go back to school because he thinks it will happen again.

Im planning on approaching the school head about this on Monday, but i am at a loss at how to do so? The head's default reaction to anything where the parent isn't there to witness the incident is that the child may be lying. I want to go prepared and not get to angry, which at the moment i'm struggling with. I just cant believe that they have treated this issue with no sensitivity and ignore my sons pleas for the toilet.

Any idea's how i can get them to listen and ensure this doesn't happen again would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
CandOdad · 13/12/2015 12:58

Mum- you think all 5-6 year oils love phonics, literacy and numeracy? Funny how few requests you get for the toilet at golden time, topic work etc compared to the "traditional" lessons.

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 12:59

Whatever the reason I'd rather allow someone to use the toilet in case they are actually genuine

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/12/2015 13:26

TaliZorah
"Whatever the reason I'd rather allow someone to use the toilet in case they are actually genuine"

The problem is that teachers (in most schools were I have taught) regularly get emails stating that pupils are organising times to meet up in the toilets.

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 13:31

Boney I get that that's annoying but I'd still rather have that instead of stopping people who genuinely need the toilet

MumOfGorgeousness · 13/12/2015 13:36

The children at school are all so enthusiastic and excited to be there, maybe it's not the same at all primary schools, that's a shame.

ValancyJane · 13/12/2015 13:51

Glad you are following this up with the school, as it sounds like it shouldn't have happened. If he definitely asked, then he should definitely have been allowed to go with no questions asked. In the school I work at (secondary, so slightly different) students with medical issues have toilet passes whereby they can show these to a member of staff (who likely has around 250 students names and various needs to remember, it gets a bit more tricky!) and will be allowed to go to the toilet at any time. Maybe something like this might help in the future? I agree with other posters that you need to agree a term with your DS so that he can indicate to his teacher or an adult he is comfortable with (if there is a teaching assistant perhaps they might be better?) to discreetly let them know he has had an accident.

Those who are saying that students should always be allowed to go to the toilet / teachers are on a power trip not letting them go etc however are just bonkers (I do realise secondary is slightly different than primary). Unless I know about a medical issue or am shown a card, my default policy is 'see how you go' and point out how long it is until the end of the lesson. If they ask again, I usually let them go. However SLT are constantly pestering us to not let children out to go to the toilet as often it's an excuse to have a bit of time out from a lesson, and there are more time wasters than genuine students unfortunately. When it's straight after a breaktime or lunchtime I never allow it. Funnily enough, it's rare I'm asked during a 'fun' activity. The only exceptions to the rule are Year 7's when it's quite a while after break/lunchtime, when a child visibly looks desperate, or when a girl very quietly and looking very awkward asks if she can be excused. Funnily enough I have never had any accidents in my classroom in seven years of teaching!

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/12/2015 14:25

TaliZorah

the issues is that as soon as the pupils know that you would rather be safe than sorry they will all want to go. (at least from a secondary school point of view)

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 14:28

Boney so the issue should be catching the troublemakers not stopping everyone from going just in case!

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/12/2015 14:40

How would you catch the "troublemakers" (your phrase not mine)

Would you be prepared to pay for someone whose only job is to patrol toilets?

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 14:43

Boney obviously not a toilet patrol, but at least when I was at secondary school teachers were always walking about. Surely they could randomly stick their head in. Would put some people off

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/12/2015 14:49

I suppose that could be seen as more important than planning, preparation and assessing work.

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 14:50

Boney it's literally 5 minutes when walking past not a difficult endeavour

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/12/2015 15:05

Tali

How do you know that "teachers were always walking about", how do you know that its still the same know?

Why should teachers pick up yet more tasks?

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 15:10

Because everyone has to move from one room to another it takes an extra couple of minutes.

Because it's not fair to penalise people who need the loo!

salsmum · 13/12/2015 15:46

www.bladderandbowelfoundation.org/resources/toilet-card/ so sorry to hear of your lil boys incident with the school FreeSpirit89 this card can be recognised in shops/public places and schools if your DS has it on him when at school they will then take action to ensure he gets to a loo (hopefully) this will include any outings and cover supply teachers. You can download the form online too! good luck.

IguanaTail · 13/12/2015 16:30

Because everyone has to move from one room to another it takes an extra couple of minutes.

No they don't. Most classroom teachers have a base and there is rarely time between lessons to go for a wander. You're busy clearing away from the previous lesson and setting up the new lesson. In nearly 20 years I can't think of a single occasion when a secondary aged student has wanted to go to the toilet when we have been playing a game or watching a film or using mini whiteboards. If the procedure was that any time you felt like leaving the lesson to go to the toilet you could just up and go, there would be dozens of kids ambling around the corridors all day long.

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 17:12

Iguana maybe your lessons aren't very interesting.

mincepiesforbreakfast · 13/12/2015 17:29

They probably aren't, but they will possibly help the students pass their exams which, presumably Iguana is employed to do.

In all honesty teaching is sometimes not very interesting but I am not in the habit of walking out of the classroom tonurinate or defecate.

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 17:35

mince yes but wouldn't you rather let a pisstaker go than stop someone who genuinely needed the toilet

mincepiesforbreakfast · 13/12/2015 17:44

'Pisstaker' Smile

I think all children, bowel or urinary problems excepted, can wait. I don't actually mind someone nipping to the loo but it does start an endless revolving door!

We all describe the same things so either we are all shit and boring teachers or kids want to get out of the lesson for a bit ... Wink

TaliZorah · 13/12/2015 17:48

I don't think it's fair to make someone wait.

I used to be a TA and never had an issue of everyone asking to go to the loo because one did

mincepiesforbreakfast · 13/12/2015 17:50

Trust me, I have.

reni2 · 13/12/2015 17:50

I thought our school was bad at handling things like this, OP, I know of a 5yo who had to clean himself up after soiling, but this is even worse.

IguanaTail · 13/12/2015 18:08

Not all learning is fun fun fun, that's true.

I don't have any problems with kids wanting to go to the toilet because as I said earlier I have set up a system whereby I tell them they are welcome to go but will need to make up the time they are out of the room. 99% decide they don't need to go after all.

There needs to be a system in place so that kids aren't wandering the school. As a TA you probably weren't party to the decision making on how that went, but the teacher in charge will not have had a "anyone can come and go as they please if they find an activity isn't interesting" approach, that's for sure.

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/12/2015 18:13

TaliZorah

"Because everyone has to move from one room to another it takes an extra couple of minutes."

Not everyone has to move from one room to another, and you posted that it 5 minutes previously

"Because it's not fair to penalise people who need the loo!"

and yet often one person going does trigger more people that want to go.
Like mincepies I have seen it.

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