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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...To feel upset about being left out of work Christmas party?

85 replies

UpsyDaisy123 · 11/12/2015 22:48

I'm a supply teacher. I only work for one school nowadays and average 2-3 days a week there. I am the only regular supply staff they use currently. Lots of my work is last minute. I am quite literally on-call around the clock for them and they know this and take full advantage of it.

This is my third year with them and I have never been invited to their Xmas party. In my first year I reasoned, 'Fair enough, I'm not full-time and haven't been there that long.' My second year I assumed it was probably an oversight and that they just forgot. Now that it's happened again though, I'm feeling quite upset to be honest. I've been there a lot recently and there's been a lot of talk about it. Some people who have now left will be coming back for it, so it's not for just current full-time staff.

I'm especially disappointed in the deputy-head who supervises me. I'd thought we had a very good relationship. Not only is she always very complimentary of my work, but she knows that my major motive for working for her currently is the social contact. I was previously a full-time SAHM but found it very isolating and had bad post-natal depression. She has suffered post-natal depression herself in the past and we have talked about it a lot and whether there is anything she or the school can do support me. I've always said I really appreciate being included as part of the school community and have made it clear that I am always happy to come along to any training days, etc. and don't expect payment.

However, when I mentioned to her this week that I had some presents to drop-in and asked when would be a good time to deliver them, she just said to stop by during the last day of term. She didn't say, 'Oh and by the way, we're having a party that evening. You should come along!'

AIBU?

OP posts:

RaptorsCantPlayPoker · 11/12/2015 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquareStarfish · 11/12/2015 22:53

Hmm. I'm a teacher and I've never known a school to invite supply teachers (even if you are there a lot) to any staff function- sorry.

Maybe tell the teacher you are close with and she will get them to invite you??

emsyj · 11/12/2015 22:55

Is it because you're not an employee if you're supply? I don't have a clue how supply teaching works so I could be barking up the wrong tree, but DH is a contractor and self-employed - he can't go to the Christmas party at wherever he's working when it's Christmas as it gives the impression he might be an employee. It's one of the 'pointers'. So if you're not employed by the school, their accountants/advisors might dictate that you don't get invited. Does that make sense?!?

ExitPursuedByABear · 11/12/2015 22:56

Well that seems a bit off.

ohtheholidays · 11/12/2015 22:57

I'd just ask.Getting closer to Christmas everyone is always so busy and it can feel like your constantly on the go,especially if you work in a school(I used to teach)it's more than likely just an oversight and nothing against you personally.

DirtyDancing · 11/12/2015 22:57

If you have a good relationship with deputy then I would say something. Just say : I understand there is a staff Xmas party on The last day of term and I plan to attend.

If she says you can't (surely not) tell her what you wrote on your post- that you work hard and are part of the team

Jessica78 · 11/12/2015 23:01

Interestingly I have never worked in a school where a regular supply teacher ^^hasn't been invited - they've always been included - so YANBU

FuzzyWizard · 11/12/2015 23:06

Our school includes all of the regular supply teachers plus all contractors in school on that day and any daily supply in school too if they want to stay, I can't possibly imagine someone in your position not being invited.

Gizmo2206 · 11/12/2015 23:11

I have done supply in the past and I think if I wanted to go the the Christmas Party I would just say casually "oh when is the staff party this year? I would love to come" because I'm sure that your work is just as valued as the full time staff. I think most schools just pay for their own meals so if you are quite forward you could just ask who you need to give your money to!

zzzzz · 11/12/2015 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsmorton · 11/12/2015 23:19

Yes it would have been zzzzz if she had said it.

GlitteryRollers · 11/12/2015 23:21

I'm a supply TA and was invited to the Christmas party at the school I was working in last year. This time I'm moving around from school to school on an almost daily basis so its a different scenario, but you are a regular and I'd expect to be invited in that case.

scarlets · 11/12/2015 23:29

I think it's an oversight. The organiser probably thinks that the deputy head has asked you, and the deputy head probably thinks that the organiser has.

zzzzz · 11/12/2015 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaitlinktm · 11/12/2015 23:33

I am employed one day a week in a primary school teaching languages - TBH I haven't been invited to the end of term do and it's a bit of a relief. I'm always too tired by then anyway. I am sure if I asked a couple of questions about the venue/do etc there would an invitation forthcoming (or at least that's what I tell myself).

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2015 23:36

Speak to them, and say you would like to come along. If they are inviting back previous staff they should include you.

If not that seems very piss poor.

I'd speak to the head, if they say no I'd just say few times that it would be very nice to be included/teat's rather a let down etc. The wait and see what she/he says.

I feel for you because if they have failed to invite you it sounds very bad indeed.

Italiangreyhound · 11/12/2015 23:37

that's rather a let down not ...teat's rather a let down!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Justaboy · 11/12/2015 23:42

That's piss poor people management. OK your a hired hand but your part of the school community its only on paper your not the full time staff but in my book it makes no difference you should be there with them and have been invited, not have to find out if you might have been.

0/10 for the management in the corner now with a big D cap!

It does irk me. I remember many years ago when i started my company I had a customer and in their store room there were some very expensive hampers and other presents for the staff there.

Meanwhile i had trouble getting them to pay an invoice for £1200 odd quid that had been outstanding for almost three months with no end of excuses why it had not been paid and it still wasn't paid before Christmas.

Money was very tight. There was very little Christmas cheer in our house that year and little for the children that bill if paid would have made it all different.

justmyview · 11/12/2015 23:42

OP I get where you're coming from. I previously did some work at an organisation where I always felt welcome on my work days, but was never invited to Christmas nights out etc. When that organisation closed / merged with another, I know there were some leaving do's, which I would have liked to attend if I'd been invited

....... but I didn't have a huge problem with it, because I recognised that I wasn't really "part of the team". I wonder if your PND contributes to your feeling excluded?

OwlinaTree · 12/12/2015 08:10

Aahh that's really mean. How is the party organised? In our place, we pay for ourselves and there's a sign up sheet in the Staff room. So any staff could join in and our permanent supply teachers such as yourself often do.

Have a lovely Christmas. Don't give it too much headspace, it's just work at the end of the day.

Original poster

UpsyDaisy123 · 12/12/2015 08:19

Thanks for all your responses. Unfortunately no, it's not a case of, 'The party is at 7pm on Friday' and people can assume they are invited. Those invited were emailed and asked for menu preferences.

It's also not a case of the deputy thinking the organiser has invited me and vice versa. The exact same scenario occurred last year with me asking the deputy when would be a good time to drop in with presents. Strangely she suggested a time immediately before the Xmas party, just as everyone was getting ready to leave for it. This of course led to lots of awkward moments where people (other than her obviously) said they looked forward to seeing me there later and I had to tell them that actually no they wouldn't as I hadn't been invited. Most seemed surprised by this and thought it a bit off.

Even worse, I still sometimes worked for another school then and the deputy knew I'd joined their Xmas celebrations earlier in the week because she'd asked me to work that day and I'd told her I couldn't because School X had invited me to their staff lunch. Still she did not pick up on the hint. In fact School X have invited me again this year, even though I have done zero work for them this term (they asked me for a few days but I couldn't make them). She knows this too! I am puzzled because she is normally a very thoughtful, sensitive person.

OP posts:

Moonriver1 · 12/12/2015 08:21

Aw, OP. I'm sorry - that's thoughtless of them. We always ask temporary workers to our parties and lunches, even if they have only been with us a couple of weeks.

AmandaTanen · 12/12/2015 08:22

Have you actually asked the organiser if you are invited or told anyone you want to go?

AmandaTanen · 12/12/2015 08:23

Posted too soon, it is really thoughtless of the organiser. I hope you can get it sorted.

GloGirl · 12/12/2015 08:25

Don't hint, ask.

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