...To feel upset about being left out of work Christmas party?

[UpsyDaisy123]

I'm a supply teacher. I only work for one school nowadays and average 2-3 days a week there. I am the only regular supply staff they use currently. Lots of my work is last minute. I am quite literally on-call around the clock for them and they know this and take full advantage of it.

This is my third year with them and I have never been invited to their Xmas party. In my first year I reasoned, 'Fair enough, I'm not full-time and haven't been there that long.' My second year I assumed it was probably an oversight and that they just forgot. Now that it's happened again though, I'm feeling quite upset to be honest. I've been there a lot recently and there's been a lot of talk about it. Some people who have now left will be coming back for it, so it's not for just current full-time staff.

I'm especially disappointed in the deputy-head who supervises me. I'd thought we had a very good relationship. Not only is she always very complimentary of my work, but she knows that my major motive for working for her currently is the social contact. I was previously a full-time SAHM but found it very isolating and had bad post-natal depression. She has suffered post-natal depression herself in the past and we have talked about it a lot and whether there is anything she or the school can do support me. I've always said I really appreciate being included as part of the school community and have made it clear that I am always happy to come along to any training days, etc. and don't expect payment.

However, when I mentioned to her this week that I had some presents to drop-in and asked when would be a good time to deliver them, she just said to stop by during the last day of term. She didn't say, 'Oh and by the way, we're having a party that evening. You should come along!'

AIBU?

Are you on the email list? At our school it's the same kind of thing - email invitation - but sometimes new/pt members of staff get missed off accidentally. Could you go to the person organising it and just ask?

This happened to me, I worked at a school three mornings a week for three years plus any extra hours they needed, never got invited to anything. What made it slightly ridiculous was the head repeatedly saying 'oh, we went out yesterday, you should have been invited!' every bleeding time. Luckily, I never wanted to go anyway but sorry it's making you feel rubbish, I can understand that. Maybe start a conversation about it, e.g.ask if they do secret Santa.

I'd ask, 'oy, I've been here 3 years, where's my xmas party invite?'. Our contractor did that, tbh we hadn't invited her because we didn't think she'd want to come, none of us really want to go. She came and it was fun having someone new there.

WE are so beleagured at our school that there are three sign up sheets for three different christmas pub crawls. There is no do and if there were it's up to people to sign themselves up rather than be invited.
Why don't you check for a sign up sheet?

If you've been invited to the other school's Xmas do, it sounds like they think a lot more of you as a person, given you've not done any work for them recently. I'd consider doing any work when they ask if you've not go previously agreed commitments.

The only way to get an invite now really is to be upfront and ask if/ when there is a do. But maybe take heed of their reaction too. If they're reluctant to invite you, maybe they're just too used to seeing you as 'hired help' rather than a regular member of the team.

Some people are just thoughtless. I once stepped in to cover in nursery class even though I'm secondary trained, at short notice for a term.

When the end of year came presents and flowers were handed out to all staff ....apart from me. No one ever said thank you either! I felt quite hurt.

Oh and that included parent helpers too!

Aw, OP that sucks. I did part-time supply in one school for 4 years and they always invited me (and I even went once!).

Unfortunately, it seems the Deputy Head (is she the organiser?) definitely does not see you as part of her team. If you have the confidence to bring it up, then do it in a calm manner.

Also as an aside, I would keep up the friendly professional manner but not share your personal details with the DH any more.

I'm in local government and we have several temps on our team. We always invite them and in fact, someone who started on Monday was invited to the do which was yesterday.

I think seeing as you've been there three years doing two/three days a week, and not being invited is quite rude actually.

When I was teaching we invited everyone who worked in school at any time. Supply staff, peripatetic staff, child psychologist, etc

We always invited the random consultants that sometimes worked out of our office to our Christmas lunch - it's Christmas the more the merrier.
I would ask outright, many people are oblivious to stuff like this.

Yanbu, it's mean to have left you out. Season of goodwill, yeah right. I've not been invited to the staff Christmas party either, but I'm on maternity leave. Doesn't mean I'm not a member of staff though.

I have heard this go on regularly at our local primary school. It is incredibly cliquey and unkind of them and there is no excuse at all. You are in a position where you are making yourself available to them as and when, with no permanency, and doing a good job. They should value you fgs, you are not less than them.

The final straw for me there was being told the Head has locked herself in her office and cried because the staff had excluded her from a weekend celebration. When there are bullies (and there were) on the staff, there is little hope for the poor children.

I wouldn't spend any more time feeling upset. I would be looking for a role in a school where they really do value you and welcome you as part of the team- which you are.

I think its a bit off. Our young temp has been with us for 2 days and was invited to our Christmas lunch, and had it paid for like the permanant staff, it was taken for granted he was coming. I think he half expected to be left out though.
I have worked in other companies though where, as the new person, I was left behind in the office while my colleagues all went to their Christmas soiree, or they'd bring in cakes and leave new people out.

It is inconsiderate of them. I agree with 80s that you might as well take an upfront approach now. I would say 'I'm coming in to drop off presents on (day), and I know it's the Christmas do afterwards. Is there any reason why I can't come to that? Right, shall I email my meal choice in?'

Mini's point is good though. I would be more inclined to pick up work from the other school in future.

Thanks everyone. Am glad you don't think I'm being unreasonable.

Re:AmberFrost's comment that 'I would keep up the friendly professional manner but not share your personal details with the Deputy Head any more.'

While I can understand that you feel left out, perhaps there has been a policy decision at senior level not to invite anyone who's not permanent staff. This could be for any number of reasons, and as you are not staff, they may not share the reasons with you.

I'd tackle the DH after Christmas. Tell her in a matter of fact way that you have never been invited and you are wondering if this is a reflection of how they value you, and see what she says. It certainly seems like you consider them to be your colleagues more than is reciprocated. In your shoes I'd be keeping an eye open for on opportunities in other schools - maybe this one doesn't deserve your dedication!

Sounds like a grin and bear it situation re present drop off.

I've been a regular supply teacher. Definitely not treated as part of the team. I'm not surprised at all that you weren't invited. Don't say anything as they see supplies as separate,less worthy. Crappy though.

It does not matter if you are supply staff or not, op is a regular supply teacher there for 3 years and should have been invited, that is really off. I would have a word with the HT or deputy head, no wonder morale can be low with teachers if they are treated like this.

I would casually mention it to one of the sympathetic people who expressed surprise and dismay when you weren't invited last year. The most proactive one, if possible.

Suggested conversation:

"How are you UpsyDaisy?"

"Urrgh . . . OK I suppose."

"Oh dear! What's the matter."

"I just feel a bit upset. I haven't been invited to the Christmas party again this year."

"Whaaaat!"

They will probably sort it out with one email!

It's almost certainly just thoughtlessness, although I know it can hurt like mad. The Deputy Head probably thinks you are not going because you don't want to go. She might have asked "Is UpsyDaisy going" and people have said "I don't think so" and assumed it was your choice.

But generally, sadly, people just don't think of these things. The invitation would have gone out to email distribution lists of : teaching staff, support staff, admin staff, and as you were not on one of those lists you didn't get the email, didn't reply and therefore it is assumed you don't want to come.

Op, if I was you I wouldnt be as available to them from now on. They are using you and clearly don't value you very much if they can't be bothered inviting you to their Christmas do.

It's highly unlikely to be a conscious slight, OP, though I agree it's careless and not great management - and I do think you're over-thinking how 'obvious' the meaning of your hints (about going to the lunch at the other school etc) is, perhaps because of your pre-existing relationship with the deputy head. Just ask. Or just say 'I'm disappointed not to be invited - do you have a policy of only inviting full-time past and present staff members?'

Have the party arrangements been delegated to the office junior who's working from a f/t staff list ? I do think you need to ask someone, as this is obviously starting to wrankle with you.

We even invite people who haven't started working with us yet, but start in the New Year ! And ours is a curry !