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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...To feel upset about being left out of work Christmas party?

85 replies

UpsyDaisy123 · 11/12/2015 22:48

I'm a supply teacher. I only work for one school nowadays and average 2-3 days a week there. I am the only regular supply staff they use currently. Lots of my work is last minute. I am quite literally on-call around the clock for them and they know this and take full advantage of it.

This is my third year with them and I have never been invited to their Xmas party. In my first year I reasoned, 'Fair enough, I'm not full-time and haven't been there that long.' My second year I assumed it was probably an oversight and that they just forgot. Now that it's happened again though, I'm feeling quite upset to be honest. I've been there a lot recently and there's been a lot of talk about it. Some people who have now left will be coming back for it, so it's not for just current full-time staff.

I'm especially disappointed in the deputy-head who supervises me. I'd thought we had a very good relationship. Not only is she always very complimentary of my work, but she knows that my major motive for working for her currently is the social contact. I was previously a full-time SAHM but found it very isolating and had bad post-natal depression. She has suffered post-natal depression herself in the past and we have talked about it a lot and whether there is anything she or the school can do support me. I've always said I really appreciate being included as part of the school community and have made it clear that I am always happy to come along to any training days, etc. and don't expect payment.

However, when I mentioned to her this week that I had some presents to drop-in and asked when would be a good time to deliver them, she just said to stop by during the last day of term. She didn't say, 'Oh and by the way, we're having a party that evening. You should come along!'

AIBU?

OP posts:

Justaboy · 13/12/2015 21:28

UpsyDaisy123 Why don't you call into the school office to find out who is or has organised it, and just ask them as your in some doubt as to whether or not you should attend the Xmas party as your unsure, as if so you need to make arrangements to attend?.

All in as innocent a tone as you can muster!

And do let us know what happened won't you?.

Then you will know for certain OK?.

Original poster

UpsyDaisy123 · 15/12/2015 22:30

Well, I sent a polite email on Saturday asking whether I am expected to attend. It's now Tuesday night and the party is on Wednesday night, so I think we can safely say now that I'm not going to be going.

This is all rather odd and I'm not quite sure what to make of it, as I'm usually made to feel very welcome and appreciated at work (I don't think I would have dared send the email otherwise!).

Thanks for all your supportive responses.

OP posts:

plantsitter · 15/12/2015 22:36

Don't take it personally, as it really won't be personal.

I guess it's a bit late now but next year you could say very bluntly 'can i be invited to the christmas party this year please?'. If the answer's 'no', then you can take it personally unless there's a VERY good reason.

mellicauli · 15/12/2015 22:51

Contractors are not invited to our Xmas party or team building days etc. They don't tend to get training or have to go to corporate meetings. They have less job security .

But it is worth doing because they do get paid a lot more than regular employees. Some people prefer this semi-detached way of working. It sounds like you'd be happier as a proper employee if you want the soft stuff.

whois · 15/12/2015 23:42

Well I think I would feel excluded in your situation OP. No advice tho! Sorry.

MissTriggs · 16/12/2015 13:33

"I'm usually made to feel very welcome and appreciated at work"

so - count your blessings and remember it's absolutely not a big deal.

blueshoes · 16/12/2015 14:41

I agree with Mellicauli. I also agree that you were unintentionally missed because you were not on the staff email distribution list. If you want to go, just ask who is organising and ask that person whether you could be included on the guest list. Don't wait to be invited.

I have colleagues who visit from other offices during the time of the Christmas party. I will strong arm the organiser to extend them an invite. The worst thing is the organiser could say is no, but they are not likely to ...

rollonthesummer · 16/12/2015 14:53

This is all rather odd and I'm not quite sure what to make of it

though they haven't invited you the last two years, so it probably wasn't a massive shock that they didn't invite you this year?

Do you still see the Deputy head socially? I'd drop into conversation-'Now then, am supply teachers not good enough for your Christmas do?' with a cheeky smile, and see what she says next time you see her. Her reaction will tell you everything. Reading her face will either tell you she's thinking, 'Damn, that's really shite that we didn't invite her-it just didn't even occur to me!' or a shame faced, 'it was discussed and we decided not to invite her because she's 'just' the supply' and then you can do with that information what you will.

Though as you've already emailed them about it, they are probably formulating a response to you.

Fourarmsv2 · 16/12/2015 15:03

I'd feel just as you do. I can understand an oversight but not to reply to your email is a bit thoughtless (assuming you didn't phrase it as 'expected to attend'). Could the recipient be off sick?

GoblinLittleOwl · 16/12/2015 18:00

You actually want to go to the staff Christmas party?

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