Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 09/12/2015 13:57

daisy the OP has already says her workplace would not be understaffed and they have tech support.

Dancergirl · 09/12/2015 13:59

No-one really knows for sure if the manager has actually said no or not, it's not clear.

From the OP's 4th paragraph it reads to me that the manager isn't really happy with it but has reluctantly agreed. That's different from no.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/12/2015 13:59

the OP has already says her workplace would not be understaffed and they have tech support.

The manager has said no. There may be other reasons they want them there.

There will be many other firsts in the OP DC lives. What happens then?

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 09/12/2015 14:01

Yes Dancer but tech support may well need business people there to make quick decisions - and as someone who is heavily involved, OP will be needed for that. Go live is a hectic day. With all the planning in the world, there are always issues that need dealing with and quickly.

Bubblesinthesummer · 09/12/2015 14:02

Under the circumstances given. If I was the OP manager I would be saying no tbh.

If the OP just walked out as has been suggested, if you worked were DH works that would be you straight back onto pronation period and final written warning.

ProjectPerfect · 09/12/2015 14:03

daisy I am suggesting that if OP genuinely feels that her absence will in no way adversely impact her ability to deliver on her project then she should have an adult conversation with her boss on the hope of reaching agreement.

Maybe I don't live in the "real world" but I do live in one where adult professionals are treated with enough respect to make their own decisions

Crunchycookie · 09/12/2015 14:07

How would you feel if you lost your job over this?

OnlyLovers · 09/12/2015 14:09

I do live in one where adult professionals are treated with enough respect to make their own decisions

How about respect from the OP to her manager and her colleagues? It's not very respectful to want to leave them alone on an important, potentially tense day; or to argue with a manager who's made it clear that they're not impressed by her proposed absence.

The OP's assessment that her absence won't impact her ability to deliver on her project is necessarily a little biased, towards herself and her own wants. Her manager has a more objective overview and should be respected for that.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 14:14

But that's her opinion Dancer. Her manager has made it clear that it's a very difficult ask, and unless she has form for being awkward regarding leave (which doesn't seem to be the case) the OP should accept that it's just a very bad day to take time off.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 14:15

daisy I am suggesting that if OP genuinely feels that her absence will in no way adversely impact her ability to deliver on her project then she should have an adult conversation with her boss on the hope of reaching agreement.

But that's not what you said. You said that the OP should make the call and expect her Manager to just rubber stamp it.

Snoopadoop · 09/12/2015 14:24

Some of the attitudes on here are why we have such a problem, women in particular. Work life balance!!! Work cannot be the be all and end all. The OP has asked for 2 hours off and requested it 2 weeks before the event. That is enough notice and if her manager cannot accommodate that they are not a very good manager. If there is no one who can cover then again the team are not being managed properly. There must be other staff who can hold fort. It is not putting colleagues out, it's their job too. This isn't the world first head transplant. 2 hours can be spared.

Appeal again to your boss's better nature, if they still refuse it. Inform your boss that this is not something you are happy about. You will be seeking furthe advice and guidance from HR. Your company will have a policy regarding this.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 14:26

Some of the attitudes on here are why we have such a problem, women in particular. Work life balance!!! Work cannot be the be all and end all. The OP has asked for 2 hours off and requested it 2 weeks before the event. That is enough notice and if her manager cannot accommodate that they are not a very good manager. [Quote]

You've missed out a relevant point. She has asked for two hours off at a particularly crucial time, when a project that has taken a lot of time, talent and effort from the team is going live. Even a brilliant manager would have a problem with that.

OnlyLovers · 09/12/2015 14:26

Inform your boss that this is not something you are happy about. You will be seeking furthe advice and guidance from HR

Yeah, that'd go down well.

No one's saying work should be the be all and end all. In THIS case, on THIS one day, the OP's presence is highly desirable. That's all.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 14:33

No one's saying work should be the be all and end all. In THIS case, on THIS one day, the OP's presence is highly desirable. That's all.

Exactly. Some of the petulant, foot stamping that's being recommended on here is ridiculous.

WoodHeaven · 09/12/2015 14:36

Some of you are crazy. Serioulsy.

The OP is in the middle of a big project which is coming live that Friday. She can NOT not be there. When projects like this go live, it's always mayhem, everyone is on tender hooks. It will go down VERY badly if suddenly someone needs her input and she isn't there.

Asking HR would lead to a simple answer:
This is a very serious project and this Friday is THE one day where everyone (from the project team) should be present.

Insisting with her boss:
Penny doesn't care about her work amd what we do. She has no sense of responsibility.

Work-life balance:
Yep that's the time when you evaluate the importance of being at work and whether you are really needed or not. Clearly she will be as per her description of the 'project', that is:
This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.
So this project is in someway her 'baby' and certainly her responsibility.
Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project.
and her role atm is to work on that project only. So she will probably not be needed for anything else but if somethinjg is needed for that, I bet there won't be any 'surplus' or anyone else able to answer (Clue it's a new project, she has just been trained so it's very likely that no one lese can cover up for her until things are settled and more people are trained).

Shutthatdoor · 09/12/2015 14:47

Some of the attitudes on here are why we have such a problem, women in particular

Answers would be the same if a man asked. Nothing to do with gender.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/12/2015 14:49

Appeal again to your boss's better nature, if they still refuse it. Inform your boss that this is not something you are happy about. You will be seeking furthe advice and guidance from HR. Your company will have a policy regarding this

HR would in this case back up the manager.

It is a big project that the OP is heavily involved in.

Goldenbear · 09/12/2015 14:50

I think you should ask again and I think some people do not appreciate the importance of the first nativity play because they don't have children. My DH is an a Architect at a major practice, I am a SAHP so can attend without issues but there is no way he would miss our DD's play the other day and did pretty much insist on going despite the team having a competition deadline yesterday. My DH worked on this competition until 2am last night with other colleagues as he is willing to work hard in exceptional circumstances, given that is the case there has to be flexibility both ways.

I agree with Snoop and the reason I didn't return to my job in politics is because of the 'long hours culture' and inflexibility that we seem happy to accept and going on some of these posts, allow to continue. The only women I know that achieved senior positions in my job prior to having children were women that don't have any children. I'm shocked that's 2015 and work is still so discriminatory towards working Mothers.

My DC go to a big school (1000 pupils) and the shows have lots of people in the audience as a result, despite this, children still notice if you have attended. My friend couldn't make a first showing of a Reception play and her DD was looking around for her- she asked her Mum at night why she hadn't turned up. The teacher asked me if I could come to both shows because my DD is very anxious and as it happened cried and sucked her thumb throughout one of the performances. It is not always as simple as saying, ' you exaplain to the 4 year old and they accept it'- well no they don't, not always. That kind of post makes me wonder how much experience someone has around 4 year olds??

WoodHeaven · 09/12/2015 14:56

I think you should ask again and I think some people do not appreciate the importance of the first nativity play because they don't have children.

lol lol

I'm sure you are aware that most posters on MUMsnet are mothers and have children of their own ??

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/12/2015 14:58

I think you should ask again and I think some people do not appreciate the importance of the first nativity play because they don't have children.

Yes I do. Three of them in fact.

Some people actually can't attend and yes some 4 year old do understand just as some may not.

It is a huge day for the OPs work. They are well within their rights to say no.

It is nothing to do with inflexibility. You can't call every situation out just because you are told no. In this case there is a business case for the no not just because they feel like it.

WoodHeaven · 09/12/2015 15:00

Besides even if you have a very child friendly job (eg working as TA as the OP's DH is) you still will find yourself in a situation where you can't attend that sort of stuff.

Not telling the child that you won't be there is just crap parenting tbh. No wonder the child was upset.

But the teachers relying on you to look after your child during the play is only happening because she/he knows you are around for all the plays. If you weren't, as it will be the case for a lot of mothers who work, even part time, a good teacher would deal with that and would plan that your child is more likely to be upset.

Shutthatdoor · 09/12/2015 15:01

I think you should ask again and I think some people do not appreciate the importance of the first nativity play because they don't have children.

How condescending can you get.

Many have explained on here why they have had to miss them.

MrRobot · 09/12/2015 15:06

Get HR involved?! Grin

Come back from cloud cuckoo land.

deepdarkwood · 09/12/2015 15:08

OP - we get it, of course we do - first nativity is a big deal - it's super cute, and you want to be there - whether your dd is Mary or second snowflake from the back.

In your place I wouldn't ask again now - your answer has been given. From what you've said, this project has been an important part of your work, and as everyone knows - go live day can be fraught with tension/all hands on deck as the unexpected problems come out of the woodwork - the techie guys can solve the tech, but not prioritise which issues are vital vs nice to haves, or think about how to handle any problems etc.

Instead, I would be looking for alternative strategies to ensure that your dd knows the event is special to you - can you attend a dress rehearsal (I've been given permission to do that before); can you get a friend to video it and have a lovely special evening with your dd watching and rewatching her starring role; Can anyone attend in your place (friend/neighbour?)

BUT I would also have in my back pocket that if everything DOES go smoothly on the day, I would ask my manager again then - as you might get a better response then.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 15:11

I was actually wondering who'd be the first poster to come on finger wagging and assuming that all the 'no' people haven't got children.

It's attitudes like your's Goldenbear that unfairly tarnish all working mothers. A first nativity play is important. But it does not trump everything else going on in the workplace and the needs and concerns of everyone else.