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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
FreezePeach · 09/12/2015 13:18

This will be the first of many, many school plays, concerts, open days, sports days etc. If you want to be there, watching, helping and so on then you can't have it both ways and work full time as well.
I can tell you that a four or five year old will not remember whether you were there. Their memories don't really go back in much detail before the age of 7. After that they will remember and judge you
Given the choice I'd say it's less important for the child now than in future years. As a parent those memories are priceless though.

Dancergirl · 09/12/2015 13:21

I disagree freeze lots of children have memories from well before 7. None of us know the OP's daughter so no-one is in a position to say if she'll remember and/or care.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 13:24

There are lots of things I remember and care about from early childhood. But they were things that were unavoidable. You just can't shelter children from every single disappointment. You can minimise it as much as possible - clearly explain things, make compromises etc, but you can't justify the OP just walking out on her team because her child will remember the disappointment of her not being at the play.

shutupandshop · 09/12/2015 13:24

I can remember bits and pieces before age 7.

Floggingmolly · 09/12/2015 13:26

I suppose it depends on how big / small the school is really; but ours is a two form entry school with quite a small hall.
The idea of the kids waving merrily to their parents who are squeezed 4 deep around the edges (there isn't even space for chairs for everyone) is laughable.
Most parents can't even see their flaming kids, never mind the other way round. Chances are she won't actually know whether op was there or not.

ProjectPerfect · 09/12/2015 13:29

If you are a significant member of the project team then I would expect you are sufficiently senior to make the call yourself, surely your manager just rubber stamps the request?

You are then responsible for ensuring that you make appropriate decisions and accountable in the event that it turns out you made an error of judgement.

waitingforsomething · 09/12/2015 13:29

I can see why you're disappointed but there will be lots more of these type of events in the future. Is there another parent/grandparent/family friend that could go instead of you so dd has someone there?

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 13:32

What are you suggesting project. That she ignores her line manager's decision and decides she's sufficiently senior to make the call herself?

Kennington · 09/12/2015 13:38

Is it worth forfeiting a pay rise or bonus for?
I doubt it.
It just looks like a poor attitude. Imagine if half the team all did the same.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 09/12/2015 13:38

Talk to your line manager, ask them if they want to go through the cost and time hassle of a formal Flexible Working request to simply force her to work for 2 hours on Friday. It's very difficult that the company can justify it being impossible to manage under flexible working, now obviously there's not time to negotiate it between now and then, but whatever you choose to do you need to make it obvious that the request is a reasonable one under flexible working.

Dancergirl · 09/12/2015 13:39

I wish we could get away from this work obsessed culture, that work is the be all and end all and comes above everything else. This notion that you must be seen to be in the office all hours or you're slacking.

Good employers recognise that sometimes staff have family commitments and it's in their best interests to be accommodating - resulting in happier, motivated loyal staff members which is good for business.

Floggingmolly · 09/12/2015 13:41

Even if that were possible, Project, op would have her card marked good and proper; it would be very naive to think otherwise.
It might take a while, but it would inevitably bite her on the arse somewhere down the line.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 13:43

The point is though Fred that it's not reasonable, given the fact that an important project for which she has played a key part, is going live on that particular day.
Flexible means flexible on both parts. Not that employees can just demand time off and insist that under flexible working rules they're entitled to it.

OnlyLovers · 09/12/2015 13:44

Talk to your line manager, ask them if they want to go through the cost and time hassle of a formal Flexible Working request to simply force her to work for 2 hours on Friday

If I were a manager, a conversation like that would get my back right up. In this case it seems to be not just about the hours worked or not worked – and the OP has said she's put in work in advance and will happily put in work afterwards too, I know – but about her presence on the crucial day; it sounds like an issue of team morale and confidence more than just when she clocks on or off.

Maybe not all of us work in a job that requires this kind of presence or moral support (I don't), but surely we can all appreciate the notion of how important it can be in certain jobs/situations for particular staff to be there?

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 13:45

Dancer
Your post doesn't make any sense. No one is saying that work is the be all and end all, simply that there are certain milestone days when it's not possible for certain staff to take leave. You're living in a fantasy world if you think that anytime a staff member is refused time off, it's because a manager isn't family friendly or flexible.

Viviennemary · 09/12/2015 13:45

Ask again. Don't walk out without permission unless you don't need a job and would be quite happy not working.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/12/2015 13:45

Do you have annual leave that you could take for either the whole day or a half day? It's still possible that your manager will refuse you the time off.

Ifor they aren't going to alow them time to go to a nativity then there is no chance they will grant holiday!

MrRobot · 09/12/2015 13:46

I'm beginning to think that most of MN members do not live in the real world.

If a member of my team decided that they were more senior than me and they over-ruled a decision that I'd made, they'd find out how easily replacable they are.

NoTechnologicalBreakdown · 09/12/2015 13:46

Can you offer to take part of the time as your lunch break? They have to give you a lunch break, it's the law. Then it isn't so much extra time is it?

Shutthatdoor · 09/12/2015 13:48

Good employers recognise that sometimes staff have family commitments and it's in their best interests to be accommodating - resulting in happier, motivated loyal staff members which is good for business.

Good employees realise that on such an important day they can't have time off.

Being accommodatingredients doesn't mean you have to say yes to everyone or everything.

WoodHeaven · 09/12/2015 13:48

How are you feeling about your DH not been able to go to the nativity because of work? Is that an acceptable thing, will he feel dreadful that he is missing something that big or is it one of those things you just can't do anything about?

If you go, you will teach your dd that you are putting her above anything else incl your work and what goes with it (inc a wage, a roof over her head etc...).
If you don't go (and let her know in advance), you are going to teach her that with being an adult comes responsibilities, that you don't always have the choice and that sometimes timing sucks but it's the way it is.

Why one would you prefer to teach her?

And would you have a grandparents, an uncle/cousin that could go instead of you? In my experience, it's the fact that no one is there to see them that is an issue rather than mum OR dad not being there.

Shutthatdoor · 09/12/2015 13:49

*accommodating

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 13:50

I'm beginning to think that most of MN members do not live in the real world.

Me too. I'm all for flexibility, like to work from home as much as possible, think expecting people to regularly stay late at the office is unfair and so on.

But some people seem to be taking things to extremes. Just walk out. It's a family thing so your manager has to be flexible regardless of what's going on at work that day. Dancer's post was particularly in cloud cuckoo land.

TalkinPeace · 09/12/2015 13:54

FWIW if you do not make a big thing of it your kid will forget all about it.
DD still remembers the song from her year R nativity play (she is 17) but has no idea who went to see it or anything like that.

Focus on what you CAN do, not what you cannot.

CassieBearRawr · 09/12/2015 13:55

You'd be mad to just walk out.

You could speak to your manager again and negotiate an alternative, but just walking out of work would get an investigation and possibly disciplinary in my work (as well it should).

What will you do if the next 'first' falls on a work day? Walk out then too?