to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

As a PP suggested go to the dress rehearsal. Unless it's too late for that.

Is there anyone, a relative, a friend, a neighbour even who could go instead of you to cheer your DD on and take photos? If you really can't go at least your DD will know you are there "in spirit" because you sent someone else to be your eyes and ears.

Of course I'm hoping you can find a good solution and that you get to see her.
Good luck

I'm only going to add a few things more to this thread;

1 - OP, I really hope your manager can find the time for you to slip off for a couple of hours to see your DD's first nativity play. These really are priceless moments that you will never get back. The same goes for both parents.

2 - I'm really surprised on an internet site like MUMsnet that there is not more support for a MUM who is torn between work and her DD. I really thought you would all come down on the nativity side.

3 - I commend those of you that would work, those of you dedicated to your jobs, the model employee. Please be under no illusion though that you ARE just a number on a payroll and if the business you work for needs to cut costs and decided to make redundancies the fact that you worked hard to launch a new project will NOT be taken into account. The extra hours you worked will NOT be take into account. The fact that you worked when you could have taken time off to see your DD's first nativity will NOT be taken into account.
The prime reason for ANY business is to make money and if you are excess to requirements you will be thrown out with scant regard.

Sorry that should have very addressed to rookie

Drew there is plenty of sympathy but also realism. It's just not always possible to take a couple of hours off and this seems to be genuinely one of those occasions, not just some grumpy jobsworth going by the book.

Slightly melodramatic there Drew

I wouldn't bunk off work out of respect for my clients and my colleagues - not because I think it offers some bizarre redundancy protection

I have missed many things because of work - that's life when you work and have kids

its really hard missing something like this, but its unfortunately part of working, you cant just walk out of your work, thats daft.

parents of young kids forget theres lots of firsts, first boyfriend, first day at secondary, first time onto town without mum, it doesnt just end when they start school...

I can totally see why you are upset and suggest you speak to your manager and explain how much this means to you. I have always worked and negotiated time off for plays etc by working extra hours in the office or at home. You need to persuade your manager it's as simple as that.

I wouldn't want to miss a first nativity and even if he doesn't remember in the future I could see how much it mean to my DS when I was sat there waving at his first nativity earlier this week.

Or those blinkered people who assume that family friendly only applies to female staff with small children.

"Family friendly" workplaces should be family friendly for everyone - not just women with children. Everybody has a family.

Yes, Monty, but the point is it's not really a matter of employment law; I didn't insert that topic, someone else did.

The main topic of this comments thread is a matter of professionalism and that is what I was describing in my long anecdote, the utter lack of professionalism of the women in that scenario. And that was in response to someone else noting that insistent demands for kid-related time off caused her and her boss (in the UK) to feel wtf? and to mentally relegate the worker as unreliable.

Regardless of the law, one's professional reputation is in one's control. If one gets the reputation for giving work short shrift in preference to family activities, there are many legal ways that will affect one's reputation and career. It's just reality.

On an unrelated note, you'd think with so many working parents these days the schools would live-stream the nativity plays or at least designate a staffer to record on a smartphone and post the video on YouTube so entire families could watch it together at a later point. Would seem to alleviate a lot of angst.

I don't know why LeaLander is attracting such vitriol . The circumstances she related were very, very specific; and in those particular circumstances I'd completely agree with what she said.

You need to persuade your manager it's as simple as that

No it isn't. It really isn't.

Yes I agree that if that incident in your work happened exactly as you describe that is very unprofessional behaviour and it is unfair. I don't see how they were able to plan their conception so accurately but you are clearly know more than I would care to about a colleague but there you are.

But you then said you would basically have these women's cards marked "mommy-tracking" etc. That is discriminatory and wouldn't be tolerated here. That is relevant to your post. The fact that lots of Irish and British people work with you really isn't IMHO.

Also don't think you deserve some of the harsher comments though. That incident, especially after your last post, sounds very unprofessional. Unprofessional behaviours isn't illegal though.

Sorry that was at Lea.

And full of typos. Hope it makes sense.

I've been through a number of redundancy exercises.

One where they closed down our entire office, obviously in this case it doesn't matter how good an employee you are.

There were more where part of a team / department was made redundant. The ones where part of the department were being made redundant had scoring exercises to determine the "at risk" people. People with live disciplinary warnings (verbal or written) scored more badly. The rating of the most recent appraisal affected the scoring. Managers had to rate employees, using examples, on things like achievement of targets, customer service, adaptability, commitment to the company's success, team working and growth potential. Qualifications and sickness records also factored in.

So there's a lot of factors in that scoring that are affected by things like how hard an employee works and whether they go off without their managers consent if they don't like the manager's decision. Barring cases where an entire office / department is made redundant, how hard you work really does affect your chances of being made redundant.

Some posters just don't seem to realise that a good manager has to take every body's needs into account.

Thing is, Daisybear I imagine that people cheering the OP on simply to walk out etc etc, have never been even near being a manager. You're right, but people are selfish. It's the difficult thing about being a good manager - balancing competing needs, particularly when sometimes people's requests, circumstances etc need to be kept confidential.

I remember having a strip torn off me by a colleague when I asked her to stay in a meeting she wanted to leave (she was always wanting to leave early to save on babysitters). She thought it was unfair because another member of staff had arranged with me beforehand that he had to leave 30 minutes before the end, to take a phone call to do with his elderly terminally ill mother's care (my colleague was his mother's only carer). The meeting was due to finish at 4pm, so it's not as if I was requiring everyone to stay massively out of hours (and if we met in the morning, we never met before 9:30am). But I was told I was not family friendly etc etc etc. Which was ironic given the terrible strain on my other colleague.

I agree with a lot of posters about the too-slow change of the workplace in recognising that people have families and other important responsibilities outside of paid work. The workplace can sometimes be very unfriendly to work/life balance, whatever people's "life" outside of work is. We do need a radical (at the roots) reorganisation. But until that happens, or as it happens, inch by inch, we have to try our best to balance everyone's needs and get the work done.

In this case, it's the day of delivery for a big project in which the OP was massively involved. Some people don't do themselves any favours, frankly. With the best will in the world, it's quite reasonable for a manager to judge that the OP needs to be there. Or maybe the OP isn't as important as she'd like us to think she is.

On an unrelated note, you'd think with so many working parents these days the schools would live-stream the nativity plays or at least designate a staffer to record on a smartphone and post the video on YouTube so entire families could watch it together at a later point. Would seem to alleviate a lot of angst.

You clearly haven't been on MN very long leander if you don't know why that wouldn't be workable in a UK school.

It sounds like she isn't really needed at 1.30 on Friday … she coudl email just as she leaves saying as I have notified you I am leaving at 1.30 for 2 hours. When I get back i will obviously work the extra 2 hours into the evening.

She doesn't know that she won't be needed. The project launch could go smoothly, or it could all go tits up. Sometimes bugs only become apparent when something goes live. If that happens, saying she'll fix it later, when she gets back, will not do.

I can't read the whole thread, so I'm wondering if your DD's dad going or not.
If he can't (because of work) does he feel bad too? Would it be acceptable for him to pop out for 2hrs?

You see my DH normally can't do that unless he booked to work from home well in advance.
I'm a SHAM but still many times I have to miss plays, assemblies and even parent meetings have to be rescheduled. It's not just work that prevents people from attending, but having to look after siblings (younger ones who are not allowed unless it's a dress rehearsal or sick ones), going to dr appointments or having to stay in and waiting for delivery or because your car broke down. Or whatever.

I do feel for OP and hope she can go, but not beingable to because of work really is a very acceptable reason.
My neighbour, a surgeon, almost missed her DD3's birth because he was about to go and perform surgery. He was damn lucky his wife rang him minutes before "point of ni return" and a colleague just happened to be free because his surgery slot was cancelled!

We miss things at times. It's frustrating no doubt, sad even at times. If you miss this you'll go to the next one.

I think the posters cheering the op on see themselves as lovely well balanced people with fulfilled lives, while the rest of us are saddos who live to work and have no concept of family life and just like to see managers laying down the law for no good reason cos we're so sad and work obsessed and would probably clap every time Herod came on stage in the unlikely event we'd ever be let near a lovely nativity play

That's what she proposed and her manager still turned her down and that is why she has my full sympathy. If she is so vital she cannot be spared for 2 hours having given plenty of notice then I feel the team aren't working effectively as a unit and the manager isn't managing properly.

Or maybe it is because the day really is that important.

2 hours at least is a big chunk to take out.

And totally unrelated but must be mentioned - Monty you have a great name. Made me chuckle

Unless you're responsible personally for fixing any issues then surely somebody else can log any issues for whoever else solves them for those 2 hours. What will crop up between 1.30 and 3.30 that isn't just as likely to crop up between 3.30 and 5.30 after you're due to have left.
Your daughter only has 1 childhood and 1 1st nativity play. Your issues with a new system are likely to be plentiful and ongoing (I do a similar job). Tell your Manager you agree the timing could only be worse had it been 1st thing but you will be gone only 2 hours, won't have a lunchbreak and will come back and make up the hours. Mention how important it is to keep that work/life balance. The whole project won't fall apart because you take 2 hours off. They are being unreasonable to expect you to miss it.

Not sure if this has been mentioned, but our school (one-form entry primary so a small school) has one performance during the day and one in the evening to accommodate working parents.