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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 10/12/2015 09:07

No where has the op said anything about being told she cannot go. Her boss said it was really bad timing..... No shit Sherlock!

Not that going is necessarily a good plan

ilovesooty · 10/12/2015 09:22

The project I work in launched this year. My company is really flexible and accommodating of all manner of personal circumstances but there is absolutely no way any of the managers involved would have been allowed any annual leave on launch day apart from emergency leave or funeral of a close relative.

alleypalley · 10/12/2015 13:24

I can't believe how many people are suggesting the op goes over her line managers head because she hasn't got the answer she wants! Have these people ever been in a workplace? It isn't a playground.

^^ this. One of my staff did this to me once and rang my boss to complain that I wouldn't give him a particular day off. My boss rang me to tell me and was totally wtf is this this guy ringing me for, in both our minds after that day the staff member was on his way out and he was gone a few months later.

ThruUlikeAshortcut · 10/12/2015 13:36

Or see if a close mum friend can go and video it for you

This is what we do at our school, if any parent can't make it one of our group of friends will record the whole thing which we all watch from the comfort of our sofa Xmas Grin

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 13:37

Very glad I don't work with some of you. Nothing worse than selfish colleagues who abuse the family friendly concept and assume it gives them a green light to dump on their team members or to whinge that managers 'aren't bring family friendly ' when they make decisions that are perfectly reasonable and fair to everyone. Or those blinkered people who assume that family friendly only applies to female staff with small children. The usual term nowadays is work life balance to try to get the message across to 'me me me' staff who get everyone's backs up.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 13:44

Jeeze I've just seen the post implying that op could go to a tribunal over this. Dont know whether to laugh or cry. Some people really live in a precious little bubble.Shock

RaspberryOverload · 10/12/2015 13:47

This situation has nothing to do with being family friendly or not.

It has everything to do with this being a particularly important day at OP's place of work.

Ultimately, the OP is being paid to work on this project and for this launch day, the OP is required to be at work.

Sometimes it's tough, but in this instance, work comes before the Nativity.

I've seen a good number of my DCs school plays, etc, but not all of them. My DCs don't actually remember them all now.

I even missed my uncle's funeral as there was no way I could be absent from the office on one particular day, when I was scheduled to be the only person in (and the other 2 were out of the country that day, no chance of swapping a day).

And this was with a place that was actually very family friendly in practice. But even the most family friendly place can have days when they are unable to accede to people requesting time off due to important work.

KERALA1 · 10/12/2015 13:48

Haven't read all thread but is there a dress rehearsal or other performance you could see at a less crucial time! One mum in dad class couldn't make the main one so went to the dress rehearsal instead

Slutbucket · 10/12/2015 13:49

As an employer and my husband is an employer it is very important that employees are able to book time or swop things round for nativity plays etc. Often it is easy to do and I think when you need a favour back people are more flexible.

Shutthatdoor · 10/12/2015 13:52

As an employer and my husband is an employer it is very important that employees are able to book time or swop things round for nativity plays etc. Often it is easy to do and I think when you need a favour back people are more flexible.

On a normal day I would agree. This isn't a normal day.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 13:54

goldenbear you posts are unbelievably condescending and inaccurate. I have never worked anywhere where mothers had to 'prove themselves ' . In fact the only time I heard a mother say this, she was a total chancer who fiddled her flexi time, shit stirred non stop and treated people like dirt. She annoyed everyone including all the other working mothers.

Tomo1234 · 10/12/2015 15:27

I'm sorry- 'only a nativity!?' My children come before any job. I'm pretty sure when people die they don't think 'I should have worked more' your kids are young for such a short space of time make the most of it. You can work for the rest of your life but you may not get any more chances at these little things in your kids life. Morbid but we have lost a lot of people close to us this year- some were very young. Make the most of it while you have it!

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 15:36

I think most people's children come before their job. But what has that got to do with someone abandoning their team on a critical day when their manager has made it clear this will cause massive inconvenience to other people- people who also have other priorities and responsibilities?

TreeHuggerMum1 · 10/12/2015 15:36

I work 5 days a week and have primary aged kids, I've left an hour early today for a "Drs appointment" because I've been every year and I couldn't bear to miss it.
I will have to miss our church service next week as I wouldnt try my luck twice Grin
Be a working Mother at this time of year sucks!
Xmas Confused

NerrSnerr · 10/12/2015 15:39

I don't think anyone is saying a nativity isn't important but most people do jobs where you can't take a couple of hours off 100% of the time. I really want to know what jobs people like Tomo do where they can always attend everything because no one I know works anywhere like that.

My workplace is very family friendly, but husband's is too but training, presentations etc do crop up that can't be changed.

LeaLeander · 10/12/2015 15:43

^^ this. One of my staff did this to me once and rang my boss to complain that I wouldn't give him a particular day off. My boss rang me to tell me and was totally wtf is this this guy ringing me for, in both our minds after that day the staff member was on his way out and he was gone a few months later.

Exactly.

Where I work two women were hired a couple of years ago into specialized professional roles to work on a project that, it had been known for five years, would come to fruition in summer 2015. A major medical research trial.

BOTH of them stopped contraception in fall of 2014 and deliberately became pregnant, tee-heeing about "taking the whole summer off." (people here get 3 months maternity leave.) To say their director and colleagues were dumbfounded is an understatement. They consciously and deliberately let everyone down including the patients/trial participants!

They were replaced at considerable trouble & expense - and have since come back but to menial jobs that offer no possibility of advancement. Basically, their CVs and professional reputations are in tatters from here on out and they now are the ones perplexed and dumbfounded. Doesn't being a Mommy give them a special pass??

No, it doesn't. Not in the real world. If someone complained to me that they needed to miss a key launch date to see a school play, in my mind they would be mommy-tracked from that day forward and I would spend my managerial energies on people who showed commitment to the job.

Floggingmolly · 10/12/2015 15:48

My children come before any job. I love the implication that anyone not daft enough to risk their livelihood to attend a Nativity play is "not putting their children first" and clearly doesn't love them as much as Tomo appears to.
If you're employed on the late shift in McDonalds you can probably indulge yourself with that kind of sentiment. Anywhere further up the food chain, probably not.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 15:52

Some posters just don't seem to realise that a good manager has to take every body's needs into account. I would absolutely hate to stop anyone from going to a nativity play. But if it meant being unfair on lots of other people or putting a big project at risk and wasting other staff's hard work and effort, what choice would I have?

I would seriously like some of the pps to answer this.

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive · 10/12/2015 15:55

LeaLeander that is one of the shittiest posts I've ever seen on here.

Snoopadoop · 10/12/2015 15:58

lealeander FFS!!!
Seriously.

You should be ashamed of that attitude.

PinkFondantFancy · 10/12/2015 15:59

@LeaLander do you have children?? I'm assuming not - you have no idea how long it took them to fall pregnant. I'm extremely glad I don't work for you, wow - can't believe how vindictive your post is.

LeaLeander · 10/12/2015 16:00

You don't think it's shitty to accept a job under false pretenses, jeopardize a multi-million dollar international university research trial, create tons of extra work and headache for colleagues, etc. etc. - all for one's own selfish and entirely voluntary/discretionary reasons? And to giggle about it?

I do. And more importantly so do the people who will decide on these individuals' career paths going forward. And those paths lead directly to the dustbin, for all practical purposes.

ghostspirit · 10/12/2015 16:02

i work in a school. so i cant go to any shows or plays. i just tell my kids i cant go. because im at work. they just accept it. dont get upset about it or anything. i do feel a bit sad biut then thats more to do with than it is them.

ghostspirit · 10/12/2015 16:02

sorry meant i do feel a bit sad but thats more to do with me than it is them

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 10/12/2015 16:03

Employment law is very different in the uk to the US Lea. However you feel about it, you would be in serious shit in the uk if you were in a managerial role and in any way influenced how a woman's career went, based purely on the fact that she had 'chosen' to fall pregnant at a certain time.