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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/12/2015 00:05

There is no 'Mother card' to play, are you seriously denying the various and plentiful pulls on your time and energy that didn't exist prior to being a Mother

As shutthatdoor says other people have pressures and claims on their time. What makes me more special than them?

PoorFannyRobin · 10/12/2015 03:18

I'm guessing there must be a cultural divide. Here, only death is a more valid reason for expecting permission to leave one's duties at work than a child's Christmas play! I'm serious.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 10/12/2015 06:18

Feel so sorry for OP but having a non-family-friendly boss is really shit.

Not sure what id advise, but if its a big org check then intranet and see what their family-friendly stuff says. At my last client they had a telephone line where people who had non-PC bosses could ask for advice. The usual process was the boss got hauled over the coals for being a little shit and ordered to get with the programme encoraged to be more understanding of work-life balance, and in an instance such as this the boss would be strongly enocuraged to overturn the decision.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 06:54

Feel so sorry for OP but having a non-family-friendly boss is really shit.

How do you know they are non family friendly.!?

It is an extremely important day which the OP has been heavily involved in.

Being family friendly does not mean saying yes to everything.

I have worked in some very flexible companies in the past but they would have said no to this.

LocatingLocatingLocating · 10/12/2015 06:59

I feel for you OP. I work FT in a high pressure job, but (as I am not a surgeon or an air traffic controller!) 9/10 times I manage to attend important school stuff. Or DH can.

But you need back up plans for the 1/10 times. Extended family is almost as good as you, if you can arrange it. Or see if a close mum friend can go and video it for you, and then take your DC home for a play date afterwards, to make it more special/exciting. When you come home from work, you can watch the video together. DH and I missed a recent show my DS was in, and three of my lovely mum-friends sent me video clips and photos, and we had a great time watching them afterwards as a family.

BondJayneBond · 10/12/2015 07:15

Even a family friendly boss won't be able to agree to every request to take time off, even if it is a first nativity play.

Sometimes work commitments or project demands - such as the launch of a product that the employee has been heavily involved with - mean that even the most reasonable and family friendly boss feels unable to say yes to the time off. It's possible that the boss feels OP's presence and expertise will be crucial if anything goes wrong during the product launch on Friday.

fastdaytears · 10/12/2015 07:20

non-PC bosses sorry how on earth has OP's boss been non-PC?

Floisme · 10/12/2015 07:37

Some really odd ideas on here about what 'family friendly' means. All hell can break lose when a project goes live and I can see why on this particular occasion, they want the op there.

And some gob smacking arrogance as well. Your colleagues have lives too and you're not going to make it through the school years unless you have them on your side.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 10/12/2015 07:50

Why is the OP expressing her disappointment with her employer while just accepting that her husband can't ask for leave?

This, and I can't believe it took 10 pages. OP has your DH asked his work whether he could take time off? Unlikely I know but there are schools out there which allow it, or there used to be.

NerrSnerr · 10/12/2015 07:53

Are there people here in jobs where they can get time off for school plays and stuff 100% of the time? Even if there's a high level of sickness, a business need or something else? What about your husbands are their jobs the same?

Bunnyjo · 10/12/2015 07:56

Of course YABU, OP. It is a nativity, not an emergency situation.

I say that as someone who is going to miss my DS's reception nativity (and he is Joseph!) because I am in an assessment at University. Yes, I'm gutted, but that's life! Just this year I have already missed DD's assembly performance, their Harvest Festival performances and I am likely to miss other things - especially as I'm in my final year.

tobysmum77 · 10/12/2015 07:56

Unless I'm missing something the op's line manager hasn't told her she can't go. She is doing a bit of guilt tripping because she seems to work in an environment where you just whack stuff in your diary and that's it. So yanbu op to go.

There is some right nonsense on this thread 'you'll be first in line for redundancy' oh please if the op has been heavily involved in the project the ultimate success of it is what she will be judged on, as long as all goes well the nativity is forgotten by Monday. If it all goes wrong then she's in trouble either way!

I think it does mean something to the children. I'd play it by ear op on the day but make sure that a grandparent is going.

I sometimes miss stuff, but someone always goes.

Funinthesun15 · 10/12/2015 08:03

There is some right nonsense on this thread 'you'll be first in line for redundancy'

Errrrr that comment wasn't directed at the OP but another poster who listed a whole load of things where they had demanded time off

including complete ignorance and incorrect info over what the law actually states about holiday

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 08:06

She is doing a bit of guilt tripping

The manager isn't guilt tripping.

Seriously don't understand why some seem to think being a mum means you can do whatever you want. It is very arrogant imo.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/12/2015 08:08

OP - I hope your launch goes well today. Did you speak to your boss again about the Nativity?

Becles · 10/12/2015 08:09

These type of threads cause me to question some of the MN stats about family friendly working and supportive employers. There are a worrying number of employees who don't seem to understand the difference between family friendly or flexible working and business (or other employees') needs.

Does family friendly flexibility always mean parent trumps common sense?

tobysmum77 · 10/12/2015 08:15

Yes she is guilt tripping. She is entitled to a lunch break but is making a point of working through it. That has nothing to do with the op being a parent

Why is this about women specifically?

Shutthatdoor · 10/12/2015 08:19

Workers have the right to one uninterrupted 20 minute rest break during their working day (this could be a tea or lunch break), if they work more than 6 hours a day.

^ is taken from gov.UK

The OP is asking for a lot more than 20 minutes.

enderwoman · 10/12/2015 08:21

It's a shame that working mums can't be like a lot of working dads and matter of fact about having to work so missing the school play. I know a Dad who comes to school events because the mum is a teacher but most seem to be fine with the fact if it's working hours then it's fine not to go.

Does your school do photos or a DVD of the performance? Is there someone you could ask to take a photo of your daughter?

First nativity play is a landmark for you but she might end up with a speaking part in a future nativity that you might get to see.

tobysmum77 · 10/12/2015 08:21

Er no, you are entitled to what it says in your employment contract Hmm

The manager is guilt tripping by missing lunch. No one has told the op she can't go, it is her judgement call, it would be where I work.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 08:22

Yes she is guilt tripping. She is entitled to a lunch break but is making a point of working through it.

Well that is because it is an important day therefore the lunch was cancelled.

It hasn't anything to do with women in particular.

Being a parent Does not mean you are entitled to do or demand whatever you want.

tobysmum77 · 10/12/2015 08:23

Enderwoman why are you generalising about women? Many of us have said we miss stuff.

tobysmum77 · 10/12/2015 08:24

Exactly nottoday it is nothing to do with women in particular but people keep trying to make it about women.

Funinthesun15 · 10/12/2015 08:27

it is her judgement call, it would be where I work

It isn't the OPs judgement call and it wouldn't be in the many places I have worked nor has the OP said it is.

Many on here have said if the OP was to go without permission it would in their jobs lead to quite serious disaplinary action.

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2015 09:02

I can't believe how many people are suggesting the op goes over her line managers head because she hasn't got the answer she wants! Have these people ever been in a workplace? It isn't a playground.