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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 17:44

I got sensible around 10 weeks and stopped.

What a horrible thing to say.

GreenShadow · 08/12/2015 17:44

As others have already said. Go upstairs for 15 mins ALONE. Of course you don't need to wake baby to take him/her with you.

Can you imagine how annoyed you would be to be woken up at night regularly for no good reason? You know yourself how tiring it can be being woken by a baby so please don't inflict it on others unnecessarily.

Narp · 08/12/2015 17:44

OP when your child is older you might not be so mellow about crying babies, let alone breast pumps (not that I'd ever complain about a crying baby, but I would about a breast pump

MistressMerryWeather · 08/12/2015 17:44

I think the OP is BU but that was unnecessarily harsh Eva.

She is breastfeeding the only way she can.

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 17:45

The table is definitely the issue.

Original poster
Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:45

I've tried a hand-pump (Medela Harmony) but it took 60mins to get 100ml and I got hand-cramp! With my electric pump I get 160ml from each breast in 15-20mins.

Maybe I'm being U due to sleep-deprivation. I just feel if she's disturbed by a breast-pump she should wear earplugs or sleep in another room, not expect a new mother to move her baby in order to express milk. The pump is essential for feeding my baby.

DH won't get up in night if baby cries, he sleeps through everything

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 17:45

OP do you never let your child sleep without you? Do you never go out or have some time to yourself?

CottonSock · 08/12/2015 17:45

I don't get this, just leave the baby where he is, asleep and express elsewhere.

I had to express at night for a while, didn't think about neighbours at the time. Didnt really cross my mind it would disturb them. However, if they had mentioned it I would have done everything I could to resolve the situation. At least put it on a soft surface away from their walls etc.

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 17:45

I think the OP is BU but that was unnecessarily harsh Eva.

She is breastfeeding the only way she can.

Absolutely right.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 08/12/2015 17:45

Seems like only option is to take him upstairs with me?

No! As has been pointed out several times, you leave the baby in the cot and use a monitor. You will be what, half an hour? And his father is still in the room, so your concern about his breathing being regulated is covered by him.

Your baby doesnt need to be with you 24 hours a day.

You do however need to move. You dont want to disturb your husband but you flatly refused to consider quietening the baby when he cried and disturbed your neighbours, you dont think that keeping your noisy pump qiet at 3am is ok.....you need to move to a house or stop being so self obsessed and selfish.

Namechangenell · 08/12/2015 17:46

Wow - some harsh responses on this thread! I don't think YABU, OP. Breast pumps are not that loud. Your neighbour must be really sensitive to noise if that wakes her! What I suspect is that insulation between the two flats is poor and that's the real reason the noise travels. The thing is, if you or she were to contact environmental health, they wouldn't do a thing as the noise wouldn't be loud enough. In the interest of neighbourly relations, I'd do what I could to abate the noise, but seriously, modern pumps are not that loud. I'd also ignore the posters on here calling you precious and all manner of other names. Obviously it's best for a baby to sleep and be in the same room as its mother. I'm rather surprised many people don't seem to know that...

Behooven · 08/12/2015 17:46

Well here's a word I never thought I'd use 'entitled'
And yes you are extremely unreasonable.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 17:46

But it's not essential to be in that room, it's not essential to not leave your baby and it's not essential to use such a loud pump.

It's not even essential to breast feed, if you want to great but stop saying its essential

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 17:46

OP do you never let your child sleep without you? Do you never go out or have some time to yourself?

Not sure what this has to do with anything. FWIW I couldn't have if I wanted to for the first 18 months of DD's life.

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2015 17:48

But you and your DH are the ones who have chosen to have a baby, not your neighbour.

RaptorsCantPlayPoker · 08/12/2015 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheProvincialLady · 08/12/2015 17:48

I exclusively expressed for 18 months with my first son. It is incredibly hard work and requires absolute commitment. However, you can't expect to disturb your neighbour at 3am without comeback. My stupid upstairs neighbour of ten years ago decided to do all her tumble drying at 3am above our bedroom. It vibrated. She didn't think it was a problem and wouldn't stop, but the council disagreed and she had to. Don't let it get to that stage.

You've various choices. Get a quiet or hand pump for antisocial hours. Do it upstairs and let your husband and baby learn to sleep through the noise. Or give up night expressing, which will almost certainly have a huge impact on your supply at this stage. I dropped the 3am pump when DS was 6 months old on the advice of a LLL leader as supply was established by ten - there was a tiny drop in supply but it was fine. By 8/9 months I was down to four pumps a day which was still hard going but obviously a lot easier than 6 or 8.

If you're more reasonable your neighbour might be fine with the 11am and/or 7am, but the 3am needs to change because at the moment you're behaving rather badly towards her. Hopefully you won't need the 3am for more than another 3 months or so.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 17:48

Obviously it's best for a baby to sleep and be in the same room as its mother. I'm rather surprised many people don't seem to know that...

Best to be in the same room as an ADULT. Doesn't have to be the OP

PaulAnkaTheDog · 08/12/2015 17:50

I just feel if she's disturbed by a breast-pump she should wear earplugs or sleep in another room, not expect a new mother to move her baby in order to express milk

Are you on a wind up? Seriously?! It's your life unnecessarily disturbing her's. Have some common decency. Cheeky so and so. Are you honestly for real with this?!

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 17:50

Disappointed either shows OP is being illogical if she does it shows she is being precious if she doesn't.

namechangedtoday15 · 08/12/2015 17:50

OP I think you're obviously in the early days of having a baby, probably sleep deprived but I think its really important to keep on good terms with your neighbours. Put yourself in her shoes - she's already had 3 months of a crying baby and now some mechanical noise waking her up. She's probably just trying to let you know how much noise travels and to be a little more considerate.

I think once you've got expressing sorted (which it sounds like you have - well done by the way) you'll have no issues using a manual pump in the middle of the night. I had an Avent one which was great. Might take 5-10 mins longer if its a single one, but it means you don't need to disturb your baby, your H or your neighbour!

Duckdeamon · 08/12/2015 17:51

Yabu and should express elsewhere.

Your H is being unreasonable for wearing earplugs and doing no night childcare - ffs!

RaptorsCantPlayPoker · 08/12/2015 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 08/12/2015 17:52

Obviously it's best for a baby to sleep and be in the same room as its mother. I'm rather surprised many people don't seem to know that...

Wrong.

It doesnt have to be its mother, and a 15 minute period where the OP is pumping is not the same as being put in a room on its own all night.

RealHuman · 08/12/2015 17:52

Is it a bedside table or a bedside cabinet? Because a cabinet will act like the soundbox on a guitar.