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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
EatDessertFirst · 08/12/2015 17:53

YABVU. Move rooms when you pump and take a monitor. I don't see why that is so hard? Its a small change that would save neighbourly relations.

So glad I'm not your neighbour. Sounds like you need to get over yourself a bit.

Namechangenell · 08/12/2015 17:53

Raptors - I know this because EH have way more important things to deal with. We had an idiot live above us many moons ago, he played music at all hours and there were numerous complaints about him. All EH did was send a couple of letters. They'll laugh at a complaint about a breast pump marketed as being quiet!

The complainant chose to live in a flat. Noise from adjoining flats is to be expected. The sounds of everyday life are to be expected. A breast pump is an everyday item. It's hardly like the OP is hosting a disco all night long, every night, is it?

Pico2 · 08/12/2015 17:53

She isn't expecting you to move your baby. She is expecting you to leave your baby with a monitor. Some babies sleep 7-7. Do you really expect their mothers to sit in the room with them for the whole time?

RB68 · 08/12/2015 17:54

No its not disappointed one - I had an early baby that wouldn't suck for ages, by c section followed 10 days later by removal of gallstones - both of which are major abdominal surgery. Baby was doing fine and gaining nicely hence I was home at what would have been 33 plus 5, I was feeding every 3 hrs and had to express to feed, it took me 20 mins to feed and 30 minutes to express. After 10 weeks I was a zombie it just was not sensible. There was no option to switch to breast feeding once she developed more it just didn't work so I reluctantly took the decision to stop and have never been so relieved that's when I knew it was the right decision for me. The difference with expressing is the emotional attachment isn't there so the let down doesn't happen so naturally even holding baby. It doesn't change that she needs to speak to HV as 4 hrly expressing and feeding plus whatever else is not sustainable for a long time and if she does want to keep it up (I am not saying she should stop) it needs to be more manageable for both her and with a nod to everyone else its disturbing

It might well be just the table but if there is also poor insulation it will still be audible. If she is doing 11 3 and 7 it is mainly the 3am one that is an issue here so for one express she has to get out of bed and go upstairs - which anyone bottle feeding would likely have to do as well.

RaptorsCantPlayPoker · 08/12/2015 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elf0508 · 08/12/2015 17:54

Do you really need to pump that many times?! I used a pump once at night and that was by hand

Narp · 08/12/2015 17:55

Namechange

I disagree. It's disturbing the neighbour needlessly, just as music would.

Anyway, hopefully OP will see there are steps she can take

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/12/2015 17:55

The person I have the biggest issue with is your DH. You are knackered; I suspect your neighbour is knackered; your DH is wearing earplugs. If anyone is entitled it is him.

Tell him to take out the bloody earplugs step up as a parent.

RaptorsCantPlayPoker · 08/12/2015 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeaPleaseLouise · 08/12/2015 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welshwabbit · 08/12/2015 17:58

OP, even if you are right that your husband won't hear the baby (although that does suggest he doesn't need earplugs so I'don't take it with a pinch of salt) you can deal with that by taking a monitor upstairs while you pump, as has been suggested many times. No need to disturb your baby, who will still have a parent in the room breathing away.

Again, I am very impressed by your dedication to expressing. It is really hard. But there is a way you can continue to do it without waking your neighbour, without waking your baby and without leaving your baby alone in the room.

dreamingofsun · 08/12/2015 17:58

why do you have to express at night? At that age someone breast feeding full time won't be doing it at night, so surely you could do the same and just do it duriing the day? YOur supply should still be ok? with my last baby i didn't breast feed at night at all and had no problems doing it during the day still

SkaterGrrrrl · 08/12/2015 17:59

Yabu.

MistressMerryWeather · 08/12/2015 18:00

If your DH sleeps through everything why does he need earplugs?

Look, the problem here is not you neighbor it's your set up.

You need to get your DH more on board, not just because this is causing unnecessary disruption for you poor neighbor but because you need the support.

There needs to be an agreement that he will keep an eye on the baby for 15 minutes while you express upstairs.

Wouldn't that solve everything? I'm sure you are exhausted right now and you really don't need this adding to your stress.

DH should be happy to help.

Namechangenell · 08/12/2015 18:01

Ha - glad some of you don't work for environmental health. What wakes one person won't always wake another. It's what they deem to be acceptable noise that's the key here. And I very strongly suspect that a breast pump, marketed as being a quieter option, won't fall into the category of being unacceptable... You could always get your neighbour to get environmental health around with one of their machines and they can measure how many decibels your pump operates at, OP?!

Cardboxed · 08/12/2015 18:02

Is your breast pump attached to one of these:

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 18:02

It's unacceptable at 3am though.

A vacuum is unacceptable at 3am

Pico2 · 08/12/2015 18:02

Environmental health isn't the only concern. If you own your flat then you need to avoid potential disputes which would need to be declared on sale. If you rent then you need to avoid your LL being contacted as they could choose not to renew your tenancy if you are causing trouble with the neighbours.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/12/2015 18:04

Cealee - why does your husband have the right to an unbroken night's sleep, but your neighbour doesn't?

And it is not 'just 15 minutes - she may well struggle to get back to sleep once she has been woken up and kept awake by the noise of your breast pump.

She should not have to use ear plugs because of your thoughtlessness and selfish, entitled behaviour.

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 18:06

why do you have to express at night? At that age someone breast feeding full time won't be doing it at night, so surely you could do the same and just do it duriing the day? YOur supply should still be ok? with my last baby i didn't breast feed at night at all and had no problems doing it during the day still

Expressing is nothing like normal breastfeeding, as has already been pointed out on this thread.

witsender · 08/12/2015 18:07

Seriously Dreaming? 11 wk olds don't wake at night?! Hahahahaha!

Anyway. As an aside, have you tried latching recently OP? Sometimes older babas can get to grips with it better.

Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 18:08

But it's a breast-pump, essential for feeding my baby! I can't prevent it making a noise.

you can prevent the impact on your neighbour. If you are upstairs, you should still be able to hear the baby cry. I could hear mine in a 3 storey house.

Your dh needs to take his ear plugs out. His sleep isn't more precious that your neighbours. It's his baby too.

Also the advice, as far as I was aware that, sleeping in the same room as their parents not mother may help regulate breathing. There is no need to move the baby.

maybebabybee · 08/12/2015 18:08

I genuinely don't understand why you can't leave DH with baby while you pump elsewhere.

You are so unreasonable to think that your neighbour should move to a different room so that you can pump it is unreal!! I know having a small baby can do weird things to you but honestly - take a step back and really think about what you are saying here. It was yours and your H's choice to have a baby. Like others here I would have every sympathy for a crying baby and would never complain about this, but you do not have to use an electric pump in the middle of the night and wake up your neighbours - the problem could be easily solved by going to another room.

I have depression and anxiety made 10x worse by sleep deprivation. Having this constant noise would make me ill, and that's not an exaggeration.

lilydaisyrose · 08/12/2015 18:08

I am wholeheartedly supportive of b/feeding & expressing but I think you are being very unreasonable and selfish OP. I'm also pretty shocked that you have posted in AIBU section, but seem unable to see the other side of this, that you ARE being unreasonable despite the majority of posters feeling sympathetic towards your neighbour.

  • It doesn't matter why your neighbour is being woken by a noise, but she is and you are causing it.
  • No-one is suggesting you wake a sleeping baby and take him/her upstairs with you if you move rooms, but there's no reason you can't move and take a monitor or listen out for baby. I think you are being a bit precious about the breathing regulation thing as baby is unlikely to notice if you go out of the room and, if you do, your DH is still breathing is he not?
  • I understand your DH is working and presumably you aren't just now, but if this is big issue then you may have to find a way he can shoulder some of the responsibility
  • In 5 pages, I think only one poster suggested you formula feed, that's certainly not the overwhelming advice on this thread. Most of us aren't suggesting it

I am flabbergasted by your attitude. I know it feels like it does, but the world does not revolve around you and your baby. Your neighbour has the right to peace and quiet overnight to sleep.

pinkdelight · 08/12/2015 18:08

It's really bizarre how you insist that you going upstairs means moving the baby. It's fine for 15mins every few hours. Take a monitor with you. Several people have said this already but you seem not to be hearing. Maybe the pump has deafened you!