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AIBU?

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Original poster

New nursery expects all potential pupils be potty trained, even the 2 year olds.

472 replies

FundraisingPTABitch · 06/12/2015 22:14

That's it really. I'm new to this part of town, and so is this nursery.

When I enquired with the admin about this policy, they said every potential pupil must be potty trained.

AIBU to think this nursery can just fuck off? I will potty train my little child when both the child and I are both ready.

Ludicrous. Irresponsible! Elitist!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 07/12/2015 07:35

Yanbu at all, they obviously don't know about chikdren, and will not have many on their books. steer clear, many chikdren of 2 are not potty trained, even if they are, they are not always reliable.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/12/2015 07:37

Oh good excinstance, my ds is 3.11, quite intelligent, but like that. Even my dd who has ASD was out of nappies as soon as she turned 3, dry during the day, grrrr. The nursery leader asked him to go to the toilet, he told her no, he was too busy playing 😁

megletthesecond · 07/12/2015 07:41

hop don't panic. Mine tootled along for months without quite twigging what potty training was about. I had them in pull ups and just encouraged them to use the toilet without forcing it. They were both potty trained into pants just over 3 yrs when I was off over Xmas.

And I agree that trained isn't having accidents or going back and forth to the toilet.

LillianGish · 07/12/2015 07:43

Personally I found it quite helpful to have a deadline. I put it off until a couple of weeks before they were due to start maternelle (two and a half in both cases) and actually they both got it very quickly. Had I not had that deadline I would no doubt have let it slide because there is never really a convenient moment and with pull-ups and disposables it's very easy to put it off. But how fantastic, and what a saving, once it's done. Otherwise just find another nursery - I had no choice and on reflection I'm quite glad about that.

tiggytape · 07/12/2015 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cleaty · 07/12/2015 07:49

Our nursery didn't send children to the toilet repeatedly. They were toilet trained, not toilet timed. But when children are immersed in play, they often put off going to the toilet and have accidents. So we would send children to the toilet who were jiggling, cross legged and all the other obvious signs that they needed to go to the toilet.

And the link I posted was for the US. But children are biologically the same, so if most are dry at two in one country, then most can be in another country.

I don't know why some here seem to resist the idea that yes most children used to be toilet trained at a much younger age than now.

LillianGish · 07/12/2015 07:52

How is it possible for children in nursery schools in France, but not in Britain if it is all about biology?

TeenAndTween · 07/12/2015 07:52

My DD has motor skills problems and was not out of nappies until she was 3.5. We tried on a few occasions earlier, but she did not have the physical control necessary.

MrsDeVere · 07/12/2015 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LillianGish · 07/12/2015 07:52

Cross post cleaty

AuntieStella · 07/12/2015 07:58

Why are the French different? It's about habit.

In the days before disposable nappies and when washing machines were far less good, people trained earlier. It was a case of conditioning habits, so they were plonked on a potty after meals and some useful reflex or other would make something pop out. And this became engrained.

The full voluntary control of course came later - in line with today's expectations.

But the usually dry/clean toddler was achieved much younger than today's expectations (two would be considered heading for the late side). Everybody did it. Not unusual.

Janeymoo50 · 07/12/2015 08:03

It's only recently (and it appears only on MN) that people consider 2 too young for potty training and spurt all this stuff about "when we're both ready".... I get that those with SN may not be but I managed to train 5 toddlers at 2 years old. Personally I think those disposable pull ups have made mums and toddlers have it easy hence all these non potty trained 3 and 4 year olds!!!!

x2boys · 07/12/2015 08:05

because its not Lillian by your own admission children in france maybe physically out of nappies but if staff have to spend all day taking them backwards and forwards to the toilet then they are not trained are they? staff they just happen to be catching them at the right time as they are in the toilets all day i would of thought that was obvious?

AuntieStella · 07/12/2015 08:07

I think the difference between toilet timing and actual engrained habit has been lost. The former requires quite a lot of parental input and refers to the early days.

The latter is much more the child's habit and (assuming normal growth and bladder size) means the child is reliably dry during the day as long as the child can access toilets at their habitual intervals.

honkinghaddock · 07/12/2015 08:08

I think most non potty trained 4 year olds will have a disability or medical reason. There is nothing easy about having an older child in nappies.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 07/12/2015 08:09

n the SN group, there were only children with obvious SN. Downs Syndrome, cerebral palsy, non verbal autistic children.

And now the majority of these students would be in mainstream school.

Of course there were probably children who were not toilet trained and stayed at home, but I don't think it was common.

1600 children start school in nappies, that's just over one per school... How many do you think are likely to have a special need?
My point is it still isn't common.
Keeping in mind schools and nurseries are now far more inclusive than even 10 years ago and reception age is a year earlier.

tiggytape · 07/12/2015 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jw35 · 07/12/2015 08:13

I don't do potty 'training'. My eldest wore pants full time from 2 years 4 months after a few months of weakening pants around the house, gradually increasing the time and getting better at going to the toilet.

They do it when they're ready not before. Like most things, parental pressure doesn't help.

If they expect that I think you need to find a new nursery if your 2 year old isn't in pants yet.

cleaty · 07/12/2015 08:13

Yes some of these SN children will now be in mainstream school and some will be in nappies. We are talking about nurseries though, not schools.

Why is it so hard to believe that in the recent past most children who went to nursery were toilet trained?

x2boys · 07/12/2015 08:14

absolutley honking my five yr old is in nappies asd and learning disabillities its not easy or fun and untill he was five we had to buy the nappies now get them free as its a medical need i really cant see there being many parents of 4/5 yr who have no disabillities that just cant be arsed to train!

LillianGish · 07/12/2015 08:15

But isn't that what toilet training is? You take off their nappy, show them what to do, encourage them to do so then remind them to do it! I don't see why having to remind them to go is a bad thing. It's just like teaching a child to do anything - you encourage them and praise them when they get it right. They copy others doing the same thing and want to be "grown up". My dcs (and friends who came round to play) used the toilet in our house when they came home - using the toilet at school in the day reinforced the habit, they wanted to show how clever they were (the same went for putting on their own coat and shoes and all the others things they were taught to do to make them more independent).

Jasonandyawegunorts · 07/12/2015 08:15

Why is it so hard to believe that in the recent past most children who went to nursery were toilet trained?

It isn't, why is it so hard to accept that back then children who weren't were excluded, so were hidden from the figures.

RiverTam · 07/12/2015 08:16

DD's nursery was attached to a private pre-prep school and there was none of this. It was a fantastic nursery with great staff and a very long waiting list. While DD was there it also got an Ofsted 'outstanding' rating. But it's approach in many ways was child-led so insisting in children being toilet trained by a certain age would of course go against that ethos.

DD (no SN) was toilet trained at 3. We had an attempt at 2.6 and again at 2.9 but cracked it at 3 and looking back I can easily see how she wasn't ready before.

Birdsgottafly · 07/12/2015 08:19

""Why are the French different? It's about habit.""

Only 10-13% of children under 3 attend Nursery in France and the system is very different (and well underperforming) for disabled children.

The aim in the UK was to have a place for all two year olds, if we copied the French system, we would be taking s step backwards.

Discipline is very different in France (I have French relatives), also.

We are in the UK, we seek to be inclusive and Indirect Discrimination is illegal, that is what this Nursery is practicing.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 07/12/2015 08:19

cleaty You must understand that with the "MUST BE POTTY TRAINED TO START" rule which was allowed 10 + years ago, you are going to get potty trained children starting nursery, because those who aren't won't be allowed to go there, the statistics are skewed because of this.

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