Deleting this thread to "protect a poster's privacy"

[thelouise]

In a nutshell; poster throws a strop and doesn't like the answers they are getting.

AIBU to think it's a massive cop out?

No - to be fair, there are situations where privacy could be an issue and I totally agree MN should delete posts in this case.

But it is DEFINITELY true that some OPs throw a strop and decide that they don't want the thread any more and the privacy thing comes out as an excuse. That's frustrating.

I suppose that MNHQ can't really ignore a request for a privacy delete, though, so it's a bit of a moot point.

"I often wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea for MNHQ to make it more clear to new members that they should avoid posting anything identifying."

I'm pretty sure when you sign up you sign a thing saying MN can use anything you post, and also, if people don't realise that THEY GOT HERE by google () other people can, I'm not sure a little warning when you join would be quite enough.

The beauty of being rich is that you can afford to take legal advice whenever you like. Nice belittling though, cheers.

Yes that's a good suggestion BB. People should not post anything that they would mind being an article in the Daily Mail or discussion on the Wright Stuff/Loose women etc either. Once it's out there you can't get it back.

Hi folks. Just to clarify things a bit, we very rarely just delete an entire thread, and it's definitely nothing to do with whether someone 'throws a strop' or not.

We do consider each request carefully and if it seems clear that we could be opening a whole can of whoop-ass for a poster, potentially outing them, or worse - their children, in real life, we do consider carefully whether it would be unfair to leave it up.

We're not sure if this is a thread about a thread that was deleted this evening or not, but if so, we feel we should make clear that no strops were thrown. In fact, we contacted a poster ourselves to suggest a thread was deleted as there was a lot of identifying content on the thread and we felt we had a duty to point that out.

OP if you have any questions about a specific thread, do feel free to drop us a line at [email protected] and we'll be happy to explain our decisions in more detail for you.

I don't mind admitting that I reported that thread when the OP was threatening to upload videos and photos of a SW. [And the entire case is spammed all over the internet on whatever forum/platform the OP could find - I found 4 identical threads within about an hour.]

I don't care if MNHQ prefer to say that 'the OP asked for it to be deleted' because DELETION was the only response for that thread IMO.

Melcombe - I don't really understand what you're saying. You took legal action because people were unkind on an anonymous message board?

Surely if an OP ends up as an Aunt Sally on their own thread they must stay there for as long as I want so they can take their beating. That I will gleefully administer.

I don't pay my dues to post on MN to be deprived of my right to torment over-sharers and the ill-advised.

No I took legal advice because they refused to delete it. It was obvious that a few people were being really nasty and entertaining themselves by bullying and dying things that were completely unacceptable. My lawyers agreed and it was deleted. I know that there are a few sad people who probably don't get to leave the house and MN is their life but they still shouldn't be allowed to bully and belittle other people.

Nice post nauticant.
You sound lovely.

Yes, that particular thread was very identifiable from the off. But even from the content, what good could have come from this, she needed RL help and her kids did not need to be pictured online any more than they already are. I doubt it will do her any favours with her social workers.

I have seen others in the past, OP posts perfectly anonymously on Aibu, gets told a resounding Yabu and then wants to pull it. Sometimes they are clever enough to put in identifiers in apparent rage and other posters bite and quote resulting in the thread being pulled.

It wasn't my suggestion I was replying to the suggestion.

TBH, couldn't most threads come under the umbrella of potentially outing a poster? I mean obviously not something like "I've just accidentally farted in time to the radio" but things like "This really specific situation that I need advice on but I can't change the details because the advice won't make sense" ?

I think nauticant's post says it all, really. What is the world coming to?

TBH in most of the ones I've read where this happened, I reckon I'd stand a decent chance of identifying the OP if I knew them. Maybe not if they've just said a few things, but quite often we get enough information that I can see how it would 'click' with someone who knows about/is involved in a real life situation. However, I've correctly identified people I know IRL twice on MN, without any detective efforts on my part just through happening to click on a thread they started. So maybe I'm unusually good at this.

My situation was very easily identifiable (if you were local to me that is, or knew any one of us involved). A very specific set of circumstances, an OW with a very specific profession and also a recent widow with her husband's death widely reported in the press (I tried to contact him when I found out she was shagging my husband, only to find out he had recently been killed). It would not have been difficult to identify. In the end, it turned out, the viper was in my nest, it wasn't a random MN'er reading the threads and having a lightbulb moment. However, I sincerely hope that does happen and will do forever more! I have, however, had the odd email asking me if I am MrsC from RL friends...and I am happy to confirm I am. I must have a writing style!

I was accused of lying about my husband's heart attack and mocked. I ended up going into far too much detail to defend myself. At the time I was vulnerable and it affected me. Afterwards it's easy to accept that there are a few bitter sad little women who are probably housebound and only see life through this forum but at the time they hold powe to mess with people. They deserve pity for being first in every thread 24 hours a day and for whatever flights their ability to go out and live a life.

Sometimes people do "overpost" and can then be identified. It's so easy to get sucked in and reveal too much.

This.

We're such a suspicious bunch. I posted about something to do with one of my DC once, because I really did need the wisdom of the hive-mind about an unusual educational situation. The problem is said child has a SpLD, and the school they attended at the time wasn't bog standard and neither was their course of study and their are a couple of other identifying things about our family that had an impact on the dilemma.

So I started off trying to keep it as anonymous as possible and sketching out the situation and was just met with a volley of eyebrows and 'hmms' and 'that's quite unusual OP' s until I'd been led into reluctantly drip-feeding a whole load of identifying detail to explain away the non-standard elements to the sceptical masses.

It happens much more quickly and easily than you'd think and then you scan up and suddenly realise you've almost identified your child on open social media.

and there are....

I think nauticant is joking, isn't she?

That thread needed to go. That woman was extremely foolish to post photos of her children (albeit not their faces) and their bedrooms. Extremely identifiable by SS and anyone who knew her well. I don't blame MNHQ in this instance although I do roll my eyes at some deletions that are requested on grounds that the poster supposedly risks being identified. They weren't worried about that when they thought the thread might all go their way, then suddenly it all gets awkward and they want it gone. I have seen some shocking thread deletions where I really think MNHQ have given in too easily.

You took legal advice because someone was mean to you on mn? fhmm and you're still here?
That's ridiculous.
HQ can delete whatever they want for whatever reason they want.

You have absolutely no idea whatsoever as to the magnitude and seriousness of what was going on.

Not all deletions are of bunfights, though. And even when they are, this isn't supposed to be fight club. What value would there be in leaving hundreds of brawly threads up?

If a poster chooses to post that much identifying information about themselves that their thread will be found by people they know (how do people even have the time for this sort of thing? ) then to be honest, they need their internet privileges revoking rather than their threads deleting.

It's not difficult not to be immediately identifiable.

A lot of threads get deleted for this reason, and with the old sop of "we don't normally....bladebla" And lo and behold, 9 times out of 10 the poster was BU and doesn't like being told so.

I mean, just thinking about it....I'm a teacher, and have 150 students, me and dp between us have an assortment of relatives, some nice some certifiable, a smattering of friends....just how much would I need to blab about myself (both on here and in real life) to have even one of those people find me on here? A website with gazillions of members, all with fairly unique usernames? I'd have to be saying to the kids "weeeeell, I'm on this site called MN and I go on there and my username is and I talk about all my personal stuff that I wouldn't want anyone else to know about...." Then, then, then and only then, I imagine a fair few of them would come on and have a look.

The threads that start "don't want to give too much detail because this will out me" always strike me as very self-important.

Of course people do have unique stories that if your Mammy or your husband or your next door neighbour read would be recognisably you. But there's probably a million to one chance that that person is actively stalking you round parenting websites unless you've TOLD THEM ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

I've twice had to have threads deleted because STBXH stalked me on here. (I suspect he's found my third thread, but I'm past caring now.)

.just how much would I need to blab about myself (both on here and in real life) to have even one of those people find me on here? A website with gazillions of members, all with fairly unique usernames?

It depends how beige you and your life are and whether there are already people on MN who might recognise you/your child/your story, doesn't it?

Some things are just more identifying than others. A zoologist with lupus is more recognisable than a generalist KS2 teacher in good health. Someone with six children and a dilemma that cropped up in the course of their hang-gliding hobby is more identifiable than most MNers. It's just the way it is.

Plus, some sub-communities on MN are much 'smaller' and connected to real life than others.

OP

I really don't care whether threads are deleted or not. I tend to assume there's a good-enough reason. If you do care that much then maybe you should think about whether you are investing too much time or energy in MN.

And if the OP has thrown a strop, so be it. Maybe why was said before the strop might filter into their brain later.