AIBU to want to fight the school powermum?

[newforester]

First time post, registered with mumsnet to get this off my chest actually! My children's school has a power mum. Helps in the school office (100 kids, small school), goes to all headmaster coffee mornings, lives v close to headmaster, on the PTA etc. She wins the 'guess the bear's name' competition at the xmas fayre after whispering that she won nothing in the raffle. She brings her dog into school with her, no-one else does. I am a reasonably intelligent person. I don't want her status, I just REALLY resent her overpowering status. Am I just bitter and twisted, should I grumble into my cheap wine or say something?

Of course I'm on first name terms with the head. We're grown, professional women; am I supposed to call her 'Mrs XX', like one of her pupils?

I call the head teacher 'Mr....' and he calls all the parents 'Mrs/Mr/Miss/Ms/Dr/Rev' or whatever. It doesn't bother me. It would only bother me if he expected to call us by our first names but expected us to call him 'Mr'

It's interesting the way that many people are having a go at the headmaster.
He might be just as sick of this woman as everyone else. Does he have the backing of his governors, or is she a relative of one of them?
I've found the headmasters and headmistresses that I've spoken to over the years to be quite switched on, but bound by their governors and education department. I've seen a couple of really good ones ground down by the system & constant battles.
My dcs went to a beacon school, despite this the headmaster took lots of flak and in the end he left. The school nosedived and I took my dcs out. We were lucky to get the last place at another great school. The headmaster gave his heart & soul to the place, moving my dc there was the best thing we did. But, on the playground at hometime, whinge, whinge, moan moan, some of it really personal about the head & aggressive. I was really worried that I would see history repeat itself, but thankfully it didn't & my youngest has now gone on to secondary where the nasty clique have melted away
I suppose that it's easier to attack than support, but when the school does do something well, even at secondary, I put in a, "how my child benefited from/enjoyed xxx x" letter, so that when the education inspectors do arrive, at least the school has something to counterbalance the endemic moaning & criticising that seems to happen all too often.

There are power mums in the school I work in. And when I was a parent of Primary School children. Fact

It is not everyone on the PTA, so no need for defensiveness.

In fairness there is one mum on our PTA who certainly would be that power mum if anyone let her. But no one lets her, thankfully.

It's not an objective 'fact', though, is it Narp? It's your perception; a 'power mum' is anyone someone else chooses to define as one.

And also, a rather unhelpful and unpleasant label.

Still, I suppose some people feel more comfortable when everyone and everything around them has a label.

multi

Well yes, indeed it is. As much of what everyone else on this site voices.

I find your swearing unhelpful and unpleasant but that's just an opinion too

And I wrote Fact in response to StillClassySanDiego's, FACT

What are you worried about? She probably doesn't have to work and devotes herself to the school. Don't waste mental energy comparing yourself to other people and getting all anxious about what you think you're not doing. You're doing your best, your a great parent no doubt - be happy ....

We have one, and there was one at nursery and several at the baby group.

I like to hid behind our one as she's happy to be all confrontational like, and then we all look reasonable by comparison.

I'm on the PTA though, not so much a power trip as you'd think . I'm going to ponder whether i'm viewed as Powermum though. I'd do it if I could have a cape.

Oh I definitely swear. That is an objective and evidenced fact, not a vague accusation waved at someone whose attitude you have decided is unacceptable.

Not sure how I could provide evidence to back up my claims here on a forum, in a way which would satisfy you.

Not sure we'll agree.

I don't know what is so controversial about the idea that there a some individuals, in any walk of life who are motivated by things other than our altruism. Schools are not exempt from this, and I have seen it in action. As have others on this thread.

If you are not that person who is motivated by power, by wanting to gain advantage for yourself or your own child, then you don' need to accept the 'label' as being relevant to you. But to deny it exists at all doesn't make sense to me.

pure altruism. Not 'our altruism'

I think the power-mums and -dads can be really useful for a school, they run PTA fairs, drum up support for planning applications, tirelessly fundraise for the library and bake cakes and organise the uniform sales. Let them win the odd name the bear, I have no problem with that.

reni2

Until they try to dictate school policy, or make complaints that are based on their motivation to help their own child, and not an understanding of the wider school

But the board of governors consists of several parents, community governors, teachers... they are very unlikely to change policies and the running of the school for a solitary mum who Helps in the school office (100 kids, small school), goes to all headmaster coffee mornings, lives v close to headmaster, on the PTA etc..

Everybody can go on the PTA and the coffee mornings if they wish and it is a priority for them. I do go when I have an issue but wouldn't take time off as a rule.

We have some really involved ones and yes, a couple of them only want what's important to their child, but they are parents and as such are the advocate for their particular child and where their suggestions do not benefit lots of children they get voted down.

I'm not on the PTA out of pure altruism, I'd be surprised if anyone really is. I'm on the PTA to raise money to make school a more enjoyable experience for my own children. A fantastic by product of that is that it also makes school more enjoyable for other people's children, which is good, I'm happy with that. But would I be on the PTA if there was no benefit to my own children? Well, no, I wouldn't.

reni2

I am not saying these people succeed. But they are irritating, and that's where this thread started.

treacle

I agree. But I assume you don't assume special privileges as a result of your involvement

No, no special privileges here. Except a few leftover buns after an event maybe?

Bear names:

Get Stuffed
Naked
Bear with me
I can't bear bear
Brown nose bear
Barely there bear
Careless bear
Necessity

Have I won?

What was the name of the bear ?

I agree treacle, nobody does these things out of pure altruism, except possibly some of the community governors. But that is ok, as you say whatever benefits your child at school will benefit others.

Just thank the gods that you're not her, also make an official complaint about the dog poo, that's dangerous near to children

I think its brilliant that some parents donate so much of their time and effort to school.

There are definitely a small group of parents in our school that are more involved than others. That makes all sorts of things possible, like Xmas fair, discos, fund raising for mini bus etc.