AIBU to want to fight the school powermum?

[newforester]

First time post, registered with mumsnet to get this off my chest actually! My children's school has a power mum. Helps in the school office (100 kids, small school), goes to all headmaster coffee mornings, lives v close to headmaster, on the PTA etc. She wins the 'guess the bear's name' competition at the xmas fayre after whispering that she won nothing in the raffle. She brings her dog into school with her, no-one else does. I am a reasonably intelligent person. I don't want her status, I just REALLY resent her overpowering status. Am I just bitter and twisted, should I grumble into my cheap wine or say something?

I think it does happen but most of us don't care as we are glad they are doing the majority of the work so we can do the hotdogs stand for half an hour at the Christmas fair and then wander round with the kids for the rest of it. I used to want to be really involved in school stuff until I realised even as an almost completely SAHM that I really don't have that much time for it. Hats off to those who are organised enough to move a school forward and raise the kids!

I remember the school power mum telling me off for, in her view, parking in the wrong place. Her face went very red when the head came up and thanked me profusely for delivering some stuff to the school and helped me unload it from the car.

I remember the school power mum telling me off for, in her view, parking in the wrong place.

Shocking behaviour. More 'rough mum' than 'power mum' if you ask me.

I'm guessing the heads fine this morning stillstaying .....she's off out shopping with the power mum

Marshy, or she's killed her and buried her with the bear😊

Will somebody PLEASE tell us the name of the sodding bear!

If you want to influence the school in some way OP then become a parent governor.

I really agree with this.

When I read threads like this, it reminds me that there are positives to working full-time and being disengaged from the school.

I see how it would be a bit frustrating. But unless your DC are genuinely losing out academically or being overlooked, her power status/arse kissing is irrelevant.

You'll only look petty if you try and take her on- forget about it.

I'd complain about the dog shit though.

Soar with the Eagles don't scuttle with the chickens.

Take pleasure in the fact she's a sad sack with nothing better to do with her time. Pity her dull life.

Become a school governor. Join the Headteacher Performance/Pay Review Committee.

:D

There's a lot of derogatory comments on here about people who have the audacity to help in schools. Like they must be a saddo, insecure, have nothing better to do, can't possible be working fulltime, have ulterior motives - soar with the eagles wtf?

Fair enough, I don't think any volunteer should have influence or preferential treatment of their DCs for helping out, Haven't experienced that myself but maybe my kids go to a professionally run school. Plus, I would blame the school not the powermum for allowing it so YABU.

I work fullltime but volunteer 1hour a week to change reading books and listening to kids read whose parents don't for whatever reason. It is a rural school in a fairly deprived area and without the helpers the poor teachers wouldn't get all the menial tasks done. I don't want to be feeling judged if Ds gets some accolade which he worked fecking hard for - ridiculous petty jealousy.

I did get given one of the leftover buns last night at the school fayre though, didn't have to pay 20p am going to hell in a handcart aren't I?

Bears name was Ralph
All feel better now? ;)

The two things that would concern me are the dog (presumably not an assistance dog as that hasn't been mentioned) in the school, and the helping in the office - I'm on the parent council (I promise I don't use this to win raffle prizes ) and our school has expanded rapidly and the secretary is not coping. But it was made very clear to us that parents helping in the office is not an option as they would need another office space to ensure no access to people's private data. Our office is tiny, yours may be bigger, and of course she may have had data protection training, but it's something to think about.

Ooh I know exactly the kind of mum you are talking about! We had one like this at our school, she used to volunteer to help out in class and then would divulge confidential info (like the names of the kids who had nits) to other parents!

She'd also tell other parents the details of bullying complaints that were ongoing at the school.

It all changed when secondary rolled around and she was no longer required! But I still feel sorry for the kids who were being made fun of because she'd told everyone about their not problem.

Soar with the Eagles, don't scuttle with the chickens just means don't get involved in daft squabbles over nothing. IE, rise above it. I thought it was quite a well known phrase.

I used to have a boss when I was younger who would say this to me if I was getting wound up by some of the office politics.

Think of it this way. She is doing this so others don't have to. I would massively appreciate this. I work and therefore could not help even if I wanted to.

It's not that every single parent that helps out at school should be under suspicion for trying to elevate their children. Most parents do it with genuine intention but there is a very particular type of parent who will make it their life goal to get the HT on their side, influence decisions and then strangely their children start getting picked for every team, they win competitions, present gifts to visitors, are photographed for the school's literature. There is normally one of these, not everyone who listens to readers or washes paintbrushes aspires to be the Powermum.

That's exactly what it's like at ours dayswithaY, there are a lot of us that second endless hours listening to reading, helping run PTA events or whatever, but is one that doesn't do any of that but is always intimating that she is on the inside track, making suggestions, pretending the teachers are all friends of hers and pretending she knows stuff before anyone else (always good fun when it turns out to be wrong).

It's pretty insulting to school leaders to suggest that they can be bullied/charmed into treating a couple of children differently from all the others.

If it is happening in your kids' schools, inform the governors; alert Ofsted. Because it's a sign of inadequate leadership.

If it's not, then maybe consider the possibility that you are confusing actual, real life with something a publisher would like to market as 'chick-lit'.

In spite of a previous poster pretending that anyone who hasn't experienced this is 'pretending' , I genuinely have never experienced it.
It sounds bizarre - a power mum with some golden child who done how gets really high profile via the brown nosing of the head.
There are parents who clearly like to gain favour with the staff but I've never seen a power mum.

I'm not doubting other people's experience but it would be nice if posters similarly accept that some of us have never met such a creature.

I would try to keep in with her. YOu too, OP, could be at the headmasters coffee mornings ][big yawn] and even win yet another fluffy toy for your DCs?!!

Be her best buddy.

goes to all headmaster coffee mornings, lives v close to headmaster

You are just going to have to up the ante, OP -

Move in with the HT and serve the coffee at the coffee mornings wearing a pinny emblazoned with the school crest!

PS - I got it, marshy

I've got a lot of pretending in that previous post.
Just pretend you didn't see it.

I also know how Head teachers can be influenced and even bullied by parents like this. Once I was asked to come into a school to do some consultancy and that also involved trying to placate Powermum members of the PTA. Why do people on Mumsnet pretend this doesn't happen or it doesn't matter?

Yes.
People like to mock and pretend that it's all in the 'insecure' parents' minds. But these people DO exist and unfortunately some Heads (weaker ones) fall for their nonsense.
I think they are scared that the Powermums will make trouble for them, so they give them the best jobs, and overlook bad behavior in their kids, in order to shut them up.

The squeaky wheels gets the most oil.