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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents telling their kids the truth about Santa at such a young age!

189 replies

LouiseQ · 04/12/2015 07:21

I have two children age nine and five. My nine year old still very much believes in Santa and I don't see what the problem is with this. She is in year 5 so I expect that this year will be her last as we are due to apply for high school next year, but a couple of my friends who have children of a similar age to mine think it's strange that she still believes and have admitted to me that their seven and eight year olds children already know the truth.

Whilst it's of course up to them what they do with their own kids I can't help feel a little sad for them as they are so young, but i also get the impression that they think I'm being a little precious with my dd and a bit stupid for allowing her to believe at this age. Surely though she is still quite young?......and considering she still plays with her dolls (and not i phone 6's like my friends kids) she is still very kid like at heart, if that makes sense. I just don't get why any parent (with kids under high school age) would want to spoil the "magic" and would want their kids to grow up so fast, after all they're only little for a short amount of time.

OP posts:

museumum · 04/12/2015 13:18

I am happy to play a bit of make believe with "Santa" but it's all very light hearted. When and if my ds asks if he's real I will not be able to say yes. I will probably try to avoid saying no outright but I won't try to persuade him he is. I'll just say something about imagination and magical fantasy.

Crazybaglady · 04/12/2015 13:24

Santa isn't real??????!!!!!!!!

Branleuse · 04/12/2015 13:28

i actually think santa can be problematic as well. My friends son keeps asking why his friend gets so many cool lego sets from santa, and he only gets one, and hes been trying to be good.

santa prefers rich kids I guess

AnnPerkins · 04/12/2015 13:30

"I do also play the Santa game. And there is a tread of deception in it because I didn't start by explaining it wasn't real. And some might call that lying. For me the line is drawn when the child asks outright. And also by doing things like saying a space station is Father Christmas. I hated that last year, but my husband doesn't."

You describe my position too WhattodoSue. I let DS believe FC was real and feel a tad uncomfortable about it now. I honestly thought he would be a bit more sceptical by now.

And I would be actively lying to DS if I told him the ISS was FC. It's a lovely idea but he would actually be delighted to have seen the ISS itself.

Infinitynose · 04/12/2015 13:39

Soon there will be a thread title:

parents telling about Elf on a shelf at such a young age

Thats what Im nervous about!

IGotAPea · 04/12/2015 13:45

My dd figured out Santa wasn't real at about 6, she knew it was physically impossible for someone to fly around the world with a reindeer and visit every single house with gifts. She also knew that some children don't get anything and knew it was sometimes because of poverty and not because they were naughty.

She knew that younger children believed and would never tell them and go along with them when they talked about Santa, but she feels silly doing so, and she also isn't a good liar so looks shifty. I wouldn't expect her to talk about Christmas as a Santa thing with her classmates at 9 years old. It would be more like "I hope my mum gets me xxxx" and not "I'm asking Santa for xxx"

zeetea · 04/12/2015 13:53

I think I was about 10ish? I only found out he wasn't real because I woke up in the middle of the night to see my mum shuffling the sack full of gifts into the bedroom! (for some reason our presents were delivered to our rooms) I could happily have believed in him for ages but every child is different, some of my friends figured it out early on (...they went sneaking through their parents wardrobes and found all the toys!)

Someone at work showed me this lovely advert, about what kids ask for gifts from Santa vs their parents, seems an appropriate thread :) www.housetohome.co.uk/articles/news/ikea-christmas-advert_533805.html

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadoo · 04/12/2015 13:56

I was actually thinking about this the other day and I'm not sure I'd involve Santa at all when I have my own children. Christmas is magical enough as it is and all kids are going to be excited about a day that involves presents and treats etc.
I'd obviously never break the illusion for other children but Santa strikes me as more of a tool for encouraging good behaviour than a key part of Christmas...

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 04/12/2015 14:16

Shock horror, some kids don't believe in him at ALL! Their parents never told them the lie to start with!

All my friends who have done this are heavily in to religion though and that's an even bigger porky (just my opinion).

My DS (4) seems to have an inkling already because he's asking why all the pictures of Santa look different.

Supposedtobeworking1 · 04/12/2015 14:33

My DS worked it out for himself just before Christmas two years ago. He was just turned 6 at the time and I was a bit sad that he did twig so early but by the same token his reasoning was so undeniably logical that I wasn't prepared to lie to him and try to persuade him that he was real when I place such high importance on him not lying to me! I had to make my DS swear not the tell any of his friends because they still believed and told him it was important for them to keep that magic as long as they needed to. My DS still finds Christmas magical, he just views Father Christmas as a rather nice fairy tale.

teacherwith2kids · 04/12/2015 14:51

"Catch a hold of yourselves, you gobshites (you know who you are)"

Guilty as charged! But tbh even had I tried to make DS (in particular) believe Father Christmas was real, he'd have absolutely questioned and questioned and worked it out for himself at a very young age - but then my family ticks the 'moral uprightness' box, that lying is always wrong, and the devout Christianity [except for me] one, both of which also seem to be indicators of 'not spinning the lie in the first place' from the families on here.

Titsywoo · 04/12/2015 14:56

I don't think you need to feel sorry for them!

Ds has aspergers and gets very upset if people lie so when he decided he had figured out the truth and asked me I told him. He was 7. Dd believed a but longer until she was 9 but again when she asked I told the truth. I dont think it's a massive deal.

Sallystyle · 04/12/2015 15:04

This debate always amuses me.

If my 9 year old is playing along then that isn't sad. She is enjoying playing the game. She will get excited on Xmas eve and even my teens love leaving a carrot and mince pie out.

If you don't do Father Christmas then that is not a big deal, and it doesn't make you no worse or better than those that do.

It's bloody Father Christmas.

LittleBeautyBelle · 04/12/2015 15:59

Enjoyed reading many of these comments, wished I could have read them all. OP, I felt the same as you, my son believed longer than his friends and one friend told him about Santa when he was seven even though her mother told me she promised to not tell all the other children and ruin it for them. I think children will tell the other children that Santa isn't real, they can't help themselves. As others said, usually they will figure it out on their own or be told (gleefully) by friends. I told him about Saint Nicholas and the real story of him and we talked about the magic and mystery of concepts that we can't see or touch but are there all the same.

I agree with a previous poster that much of Santa is about imagination, the joy and fun and mystery of it all and being a child...children know, I think, how to understand that the magic of Santa is a nod to the very real mysteries that surround us. When I was a child, one of six, we were never allowed to believe in Santa, and so I felt I very much missed out. I think that's why I wanted my child's Christmas to be very magical. It is still a very special time because the magic of Christmas doesn't hinge on Santa so like others have said, I wanted to keep the magic going as long as I could, but also didn't want to lie, and it turns out ok, in our case I treated Santa from the beginning as mostly a playful mysterious character, like in a story.

My son is ten and has always had a strong natural faith in God and Jesus, from the time he was very small. When he was around four or five, he had several experiences over a period of a couple months of seeing angels. One of the times was a night when he had gotten into bed with us, in the middle, went to sleep and then woke up and saw angels come into the room. One came to my husband's side, one to my side, and one to the end of the bed as if protecting us and watching over us. He described them in detail and says it was not a dream and we still talk about it years later.

merrymouse · 04/12/2015 17:12

It's not imagination if you only believe in Santa because you have been told by an adult that he is as real as the moon or dinosaurs or the lady at the corner shop.

Imagination is when you play games of pretend and make believe. That kind of imagination lasts forever.

Brioche201 · 04/12/2015 17:33

children know, I think, how to understand that the magic of Santa is a nod to the very real mysteries that surround us

What? I don't even understand that!!

Mehitabel6 · 04/12/2015 17:44

I suspect that there are children aged 7yrs and over who are humouring their parents by keeping quiet.
I found that mine suspected and asked all sorts of questions but liked it somI played along. When they asked outright with 'tell me the truth' they were ready and I told them the truth.
I firmly believe in the idea of Father Christmas- everyone needs a bit of magic in their lives!

SamVJ888 · 04/12/2015 17:48

OP when you say the "truth" about Santa you mean he doesn't like mince pies right?!

Devora · 04/12/2015 17:53

My 9yo chooses to believe in Santa. She's pretty much told me she knows otherwise but prefers to pretend he's real.

My 6yo truly believes. I guess at some point her big sister will tell her the brutal truth, probably as retribution for some insult.

They find their own way to these things. Once they're over the age of 5, I believe that if they ask, and they really want to know, you tell them the truth. (dd1 has a couple of times asked me, I've said 'do you really want to know?! and she's said 'no!'). I can't raise the energy to care how other parents handle it.

fluffypenguinbelly · 04/12/2015 17:58

Well my DS is 3 but Father Christmas gets no credit for the presents I can tell you that much. He is merely the paid delivery man (with mince pie and beer.)

Mummy and Daddy buy the presents and Father Christmas looks after them until he delivers them. I think this solves the above problem of what other children get/don't get/Muslim friends etc.

Devora · 04/12/2015 18:00

Actually, I can't even raise the energy to care how I handle it. I never bothered thinking through a strategy. Every year I try to remember whether Santa brings the stocking presents or the tree presents...

VulcanWoman · 04/12/2015 18:20

Maybe your daughter thinks the presents will get less if she lets on, children talk in the playground. My son was about 4 when he started getting suspicious, we took him to Disneyworld when he was 5 and he wasn't having any of it

cricketballs · 04/12/2015 18:20

DS2 (16) has MLD and ASD and very definitely last year still believed so we have been able kerp the 'magic' a lot longer than most; he's now at FE and the subject hasn't come up and I'm not sure how to start the conversation to find out if he still believes...

BoxofSnails · 04/12/2015 18:40

*I actually think santa can be problematic as well. My friends son keeps asking why his friend gets so many cool lego sets from santa, and he only gets one, and hes been trying to be good.

santa prefers rich kids I guess*

This ^^ is huge. How do you help children to understand poverty and privilege and financial constraints? How do you teach them about your unconditional love if Santa's love is conditional? And in a country where we are so materialistic, why teach that good behaviour is deserving of more stuff?
Why are we surprised that children grow up to face the battles they do when we instil a lot of them with this misguided untruth?

Snossidge · 04/12/2015 19:01

I have "done" Father Christmas every year, but have never tried to make my kids believe he is real or directly lied to them about it. If they ask if he's real I'd tell the truth - oldest recently asked if unicorns were real and I told him the truth about them too. Saying that, currently they all believe!

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