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Original poster

Parents telling their kids the truth about Santa at such a young age!

189 replies

LouiseQ · 04/12/2015 07:21

I have two children age nine and five. My nine year old still very much believes in Santa and I don't see what the problem is with this. She is in year 5 so I expect that this year will be her last as we are due to apply for high school next year, but a couple of my friends who have children of a similar age to mine think it's strange that she still believes and have admitted to me that their seven and eight year olds children already know the truth.

Whilst it's of course up to them what they do with their own kids I can't help feel a little sad for them as they are so young, but i also get the impression that they think I'm being a little precious with my dd and a bit stupid for allowing her to believe at this age. Surely though she is still quite young?......and considering she still plays with her dolls (and not i phone 6's like my friends kids) she is still very kid like at heart, if that makes sense. I just don't get why any parent (with kids under high school age) would want to spoil the "magic" and would want their kids to grow up so fast, after all they're only little for a short amount of time.

OP posts:
mudandmayhem01 · 04/12/2015 11:39

I don't think my DD 11 ever believed in Santa, she is very pragmatic and as soon as she was old enough to understand the concept, she also worked out it was impossible. I didn't bother with a more and more complicated series of lies to convince her otherwise.She still puts out a glass of whisky, a mince pie and a carrot as she enjoys the tradition like everyone else.

Lampsinthemist · 04/12/2015 11:41

It never occurred to me to tell my children Santa was real. A lot of these threads are about the parents' delight in what they perceive to be their child's innocence. I don't see innocence as something to be particularly celebrated.

Fink · 04/12/2015 11:48

I'll join the list of people who were never abused but also don't want to lie to dc and so have never done FC. He crops up a bit because of exposure from tv/other children/PILs but we have always been clear that it's a game and you can play along with other people if you want (and, in fact, it helps if you don't insist on telling young children that he's not real) but in our house we give presents to each other to celebrate the birth of Jesus. And we have fun and play games and do stockings and have a lovely meal and sit round the tree opening presents etc. as well as church but none of that is what it's about.

OP, YABU for pitying other people's children. Have FC in your house if you want, but it's perfectly possible to have a 'magical' and special Christmas without.

Branleuse · 04/12/2015 11:55

christmas can still be magical and fun without father christmas. You can still play along wit father christmas stuff, even if deep down you know its a story.

I still love xmas carols, they are really magical and emotional for me, but I dont believe in God.

no73 · 04/12/2015 11:58

My 5 year old told me the other day that Santa wasn't real and it was just me or Nanny bringing the presents in. I said 'well if he thought that then he wouldn't get presents' cue eye rolling and him going 'alright I was just tricking you' I also worked it out at a very young age, that it is utter nonsense.

I think a lot of older kids make out they believe when they don't at all. Its all harmless fun though.

Jw35 · 04/12/2015 12:04

If not, let me be your first **

I didn't claim that people who tell their kids Santa isn't real are abuse victims. I simply said some are!

Brioche201 · 04/12/2015 12:16

make believe is when everyone knows it is a pretence (which is what I think FC should be. When only one party know it is pretence is lying. You can dress it up how you like, but this is the bottom line

cailindana · 04/12/2015 12:19

I honestly find the whole Santa thing bizarre. Making children believe something is real when it's not then getting your knickers in a twist when other children are honest about it. What's the point??

Make believe is a shared fantasy, everyone knows it's not real.

Saying Santa is real is lying. It isn't up to other people to support that lie.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 04/12/2015 12:25

Telling stories is not lying other than in the most literal sense, it's telling stories. Stories are almost certainly essential to human life, without story, we'd not learn anything.

teacherwith2kids · 04/12/2015 12:30

Fred, I don't think that there is anyone on this thread who DOESN'T tell stories about Father Christmas.

However, there is a very clear distinction between those who:

  • Treat them as enjoyable, but make-believe, stories
  • Attempt to convince their children that the stories are true, and that Father Christmas is real
FattyNinjaOwl · 04/12/2015 12:37

My 7 yo still says he believes but I'm sure he's twigged. He asked me last year why Santa had the same writing as mummy!
The younger two haven't a bloody clue as they are only babies

As pp have said I think some children know but don't say. I won't outright tell my 7yo yet as I think it keeps the magic there a bit to have the stories and what have you, but I don't think I can keep it up much longer with him.
I don't think there's anything wrong with believing in yr5. My DB did. He was the youngest by 8years, so us older 3 were in on it and didn't spill the beans.

CoteDAzur · 04/12/2015 12:37

"I didn't claim that people who tell their kids Santa isn't real are abuse victims. I simply said some are!"

You drew a pretty clear connection between being an abuse victim and being reluctant to pretend to one's children that Santa is real. See your post below.

It is an outrageous, offensive, and demonstrably false claim. This is where you should apologise and take it back.

Jw35 Fri 04-Dec-15 10:06:18
I also wonder if there's deep rooted issues surrounding this? Sometimes kids who have been abused have a problem with pretence.

Jw35 · 04/12/2015 12:46

How is it offensive? Confused not really sure where you're coming from

I don't see pretending about Santa being real as lying. That just sounds odd to me. It's a lovely story that allows children to believe in magic and makes them happy. Telling them it's not true even if you still tell them the story isn't the same. Kids like believing in magic. It's a very harmless lie.

WhattodoSue · 04/12/2015 12:48

When 'magic' is created by blatant lying, it stops being magic for me. But I know a lot of people who understand 'magic' very differently to me.

I do also play the Santa game. And there is a tread of deception in it because I didn't start by explaining it wasn't real. And some might call that lying. For me the line is drawn when the child asks outright. And also by doing things like saying a space station is Father Christmas. I hated that last year, but my husband doesn't.

WhattodoSue · 04/12/2015 12:50

Real lying? If it is untrue it is a lie. People may be doing it because they think it is a nice lie, but it is still 100% a lie.

skyeskyeskye · 04/12/2015 12:50

DD is 8 in March and very much believes in Santa, as do all her friends. Round here it seems to be around 10 when they realise it's not real.

I won't tell her it's not, until I really have to. She's so excited by Father Christmas that I don't want to spoil it for her. And 7 is still very young, still a child.

CoteDAzur · 04/12/2015 12:51

You don't see how it's offensive? Let me help.

Those whose kids grow up believing in fairies, Easter bunnies, magic etc. I disagree with you, I think it's a shame. I also wonder if there are deep rooted issues surrounding this? Sometimes people who have been abused want to escape into a fantasy world.

How do you like it now?

HesterShaw · 04/12/2015 12:52

I still love xmas carols, they are really magical and emotional for me, but I dont believe in God.

^
What Branleuse said exactly. Just because I stopped believing in God doesn't mean I don't enjoy the ritual of Christmas, and that's without all the commercial craziness. I think it's a sensible parallel to draw with kids and FC.

ouryve · 04/12/2015 12:53

9 really isn't such a young age.

Lancelottie · 04/12/2015 12:53

When the child asks outright, you say 'What do you think?' and take it from there.

(I once got the answer 'I'm pretty sure he's real because you would never have got me Yu-Gi-Oh cards because you keep saying I have too many already...')

FattyNinjaOwl · 04/12/2015 12:56

Lancelottie that's how I will do it. When my seven year old asked why Santa's writing was the same as mine I asked him why he thought it was. His answer, because he's got to make all the presents match.
Fair enough.

teacherwith2kids · 04/12/2015 12:59

" Telling them it's not true even if you still tell them the story isn't the same."

I don't quite understand what you mean.

I must have read 1000s of stories to the DCs when they were small. I never started with 'By the way, this story isn't true'.... Equally, when I read (many) stories about Father Christmas, I didn't start with 'By the way, this isn't true'.

What I DIDN'T do was actively say, before and after reading the story, or when playing 'make believe imaginary games' around the story of Father Christmas 'Oh yes, FC is real, not like any of the other characters we read about in stories or we see in plays or on TV'. So when we put up our stockings, it was in exactly the same vein as when we selected the best trees for the big bad Wolf to hide behind on winter walks in the woods, or did 'Going on a bear hunt' across grassy fields - with no more, and no less, sincerity in the make-believe.

Floggingmolly · 04/12/2015 13:04

Oh Jesus, I'm loving the "I come from a family of above average intelligence, so of course we never told our kids Santa was real" angle Hmm
Catch a hold of yourselves, you gobshites (you know who you are)

reni2 · 04/12/2015 13:09

I'd like to add to that, Floggingmolly. Mine are either not all that bright (unlike so many bright sparks they did not twig at 4) or they are emotionally very mature and played along to humour me.

Infinitynose · 04/12/2015 13:15

This amuses me.

I was never told Santa was real and always thought he was a man who came down chimneys. That was from my own imagination. I also believed in fairies and elves as I think lots of children do. I cant remember when became more realistic but it was from my own steam.

My point is a lot of kids will just take it for granted that he's magic without a big song and dance and then realise he's not when they are ready.