Parents telling their kids the truth about Santa at such a young age!

[LouiseQ]

I have two children age nine and five. My nine year old still very much believes in Santa and I don't see what the problem is with this. She is in year 5 so I expect that this year will be her last as we are due to apply for high school next year, but a couple of my friends who have children of a similar age to mine think it's strange that she still believes and have admitted to me that their seven and eight year olds children already know the truth.

Whilst it's of course up to them what they do with their own kids I can't help feel a little sad for them as they are so young, but i also get the impression that they think I'm being a little precious with my dd and a bit stupid for allowing her to believe at this age. Surely though she is still quite young?......and considering she still plays with her dolls (and not i phone 6's like my friends kids) she is still very kid like at heart, if that makes sense. I just don't get why any parent (with kids under high school age) would want to spoil the "magic" and would want their kids to grow up so fast, after all they're only little for a short amount of time.

Laurie you writing about the child you fostered reminded me of the poor child in The Polar Express. I'm so glad she had you to care for her.

Fred my cat talks to me she has different miaows for her demands.

DS was a late believer in Santa but he was a staunch atheist from about seven. I'm a regular at church, he would still go once a year at Christmas as the DC would dress up as characters from the Nativity and it was a fun service. I stopped taking him when he was around 10 when I asked him which character he wanted to go to and he said Herod.

DS is 14 and we still put out the mince pie, baileys and carrot. I get the baileys and mince pie and DH eats half the carrot . We also still wait up until he is asleep as the stocking is on the end of his bed though we all know full well it's Dad that fills it while Mum drinks her annual bottle of Baileys

I never managed to get round the 'why should I lie to my children, knowing that they were going to find out - and what effect will it have on their trust in me about other things I tell them?' issue.

It shouldn't be an issue? It's completely different! I find this view really odd! No child needs to know everything. It's the joy of being a child. Certainly a child won't blame you for giving them a magical Xmas! Is it the same with the tooth fairy, Easter bunny etc? Kids live in their imaginations, it's fun for them not some kind of painful lie that damages your relationship!

I knew when I was 7 and not street wise. There is a huge difference in year 5 girls. Was discussing with class teacher at parents evening. Mine is hormonal age 12-13 clothes and size 5 feet (age 9) some of the others are tiny and look and seem much younger. Also they are being expected to deal with very grown up ideas like studying for 11+ only 8 months off. Mine asked me outright re tooth fairy this week had been joking it off for weeks(she has lost 4 teeth recently) Felt like I would have been crossing the line and lying if I hadn't replied truthfully. She hasn't asked about fc. I strongly suspect she knows. If she asks seriously I will tell her. I did make sure she knew not to say at school re tooth fairy as little ones may be listening.

JHw, what I mean is that the story of Father Christmas - and a stocking hung on everyone's door at dead of night on Christmas Eve - is part of our Christmas. But EVERYONE knows it is because of the story, not because he is real. Like giving presents is because of the story of the Wise Men.

"Is it the same with the tooth fairy, Easter bunny etc"

We don't have those either ... but there has been HUGE fun with coins appearing under pillows, and with increasingly cryptic clues for the Ester Egg hunt each year (the DC's clues for us are now FAR harder than the ones we manage for them).

I still believed up to the age of 12.

I remember one little t*sser in my class - the scumbag that made teachers' lives hell and bullied and spat and swore all the time - mocking me for still believing when I was 11, saying that everyone knew it was the parents that gave the presents. I was scared of him but steeled myself and said, pointedly, "Well, it may well be that he no longer visits your house and that your parents have to stand in but I know that he comes to mine. I wonder why that might be?"

To this day, the fleeting look of panic, indecision and fear across is face still brings me a warm glow to this day.

He punched me, of course but we both knew who had won that little encounter.

I find it odd a year five pupil would still believe, surely by sheer common sense she would've worked it out? My son figured out the truth by logical reasoning when he was about 7, I just admitted it to him when he grilled me about it. He still enjoys Christmas and life generally! I was secretly impressed at him for working it out, I wouldn't want a dim child!

The point is, my children are quite capable of living in their imaginations - I still have the Playmobil-induced scars on the soles of my feet to remember particularly epic sagas by.

But they are also entirely capable of handling the dichotomy between plastic Playmobil figure (real) and intricately-enacted story (imagination) - as well as St Nicholas (real) - Father Christmas (story) and Jesus (real) - angels -and-shepherds-at-the-manger (story).

I have told my 3 year old Father Christmas is made up and like a cartoon
But we don't tell the other kids. It is just the way I was brought up. Magic and fairies were not the thing and my parents were keen on the truth and science (!!!).
Each to their own really.
It is like astrology and crystals etc some people like this sort of thing and I dont.

My ds never believed Santa. When we suggested him to write a letter, he said, "Santa isn't real. It's just a man dressed in red". I think he was in reception, or earlier.
But we tell him not to say that to other children.

Funny thing is, he believes tooth fairy is real. Very odd child.

Are you sure she doesn't know, OP?

My 11 year old started high school in September, and I broached the ''Father Christmas isn't real'' subject with her just before she started in case she was mocked by the other children for still believing in him.

She admitted that she had known since she was ''7 or 8, when they were taught about gravity at school...''.

I feel like a fool for believing she believed for so long

My DD appears to still believe. I suspect that she just doesn't want to admit that he is not real, but actually he doesn't buy all the presents in our house anyway. He gets one for each from their christmas list, their stocking, and the rest is from us, family, friends etc.

She asked me last year if he was real, and I, as another person did, asked her what she thought, and she said yes, she thinks so, but that some children at school were saying he wasn't real. She then saw some wrapping paper that DH used for a stocking filler as we ran out of the 'santa' stuff, and she asked 'mummy, santa doesn't wrap our presents does he? is it because he is too busy with so many children?' and i went along with it. But, actually, I think she wants to still believe, as she has a 6 year old who very much does believe.

The understanding of santa being fun is, and will continue to gradually sink in. I will not make a point of sitting her down and telling her the 'truth' like the facts of life, but as and when she asks questions, I will answer her truthfully.

However, as also said before, Christmas is not about Santa. It's about sharing, giving, receiving, spending time with family and close friends - the magic is about so much more than a man in red coming down a chimney. Those things will remain when they stop believing, and I expect we will continue to put out food and drink for him and the reindeers, and the children will continue to argue with daddy about whether he should have whisky or milk, even when they know!

I've posted this before, but I've never known a child to believe in Sanda past age six.

Even in Primary school, the children would get involved in Charities.

We talk about World Issues etc in a child friendly manner, because we all care about these subject matters and think everyone should know that we can stop World Hunger etc, so by Nine, they should have a better take in how the World works IMO.

I do also wonder if the demographics of a school (and your Family/Friends group) also make a difference, because if you have a large Non UK/Refugee cry clue then their is less belief in Santa.

Or parents/Carers/Teachers would have to explain how Santa doesn't visit their Homeland.

I didn't have a belief in Santa because of an abusive childhood, I was also a CP SW, the Foster Care story is nice, but for Siblings that some are with the Birth Parent and some in FC, it gets tricky.

It's a disgrace really that there is still so much disparity between childhoods.

[Tbh, most educated Christians - I come from a family of Oxbridge-educated devout Christians - would also believe 'Jesus (real historical figure) - angels -and-shepherds-at-the-manger (story with symbolic meaning)'. The only difference between them and me is that they believe in God, and in Jesus as God's son.]

It shouldn't be an issue? It's completely different! I find this view really odd! No child needs to know everything.

Not needing to know everything is very, very different from deliberately being told lies. What's the harm in just presenting it as a nice story?

I told my (then) 9 and 6 year olds last Christmas. That's because the 6 year old put me on the spot and demand that I 'tell the truth mummy.' He felt totally vindicated then (despite being told not to) told his brother who was, I think, quite upset.

Before I had DS, or read MN, I was really surprised to learn that a friend's DD still believed at nine. I honestly thought all children cottoned on by the time they started school.

To me it's always just been a fun pretend game that everyone plays but nobody says in so many words it's a game. I don't remember believing as a child although Mum says she thinks I did when I was very young.

I think if a child starts questioning the myth it's wrong to lie to maintain it. If DS asks me if something is real I answer him honestly: zombies, ghosts, gods, the tooth fairy... If he asks me if FC is real I couldn't in all conscience tell him a lie.

Having said that, DS is six now and seems to want to believe more than ever this year, there's no chance of him asking questions any time soon.

Kaki, I agree. It's not as if I sat down with tny DS and DD and said solemnly 'now i have to tell you that Father Christmas isn't real'. I just never told the lies that would have been needed to make them believe that he was ..

It's like the Gruffalo / big bad wolf / giants / fairies / whatever - the stories are brilliant, and children love them. They don't enjoy them any the less because they are stories - there is no NEED to say 'oh yes, the Gruffalo is real' for the stories to be enjoyable or to be able to play 'Gruffalo and mouse' for days at a time.

More people believe Jesus isn't real than do. Somehow it's important that children believe the lie too

Wrong! according to the 2011 census 60% of people identify themelves as Christian and a further 15% as other religions.
there is no real doubt amongst historical scholars that Christ was a real historical person

I have to say at 9 and 10 most kids who 'believe' in santa are humouring their parents, which is a bit sad really

I think it's a big statement to say you'd be worried about your child not seeing the holes in the story. My DS has been shown the holes and still believes. Its not wrong or right. It's just his perception and it harms no one.

Childhood make believe doesn't depend on parents agreeing that play is real. You can play along with the idea that a child is a fireman without either party believing that a 4 year old will be obliged to run into a burning building, and the same goes for Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, Fairies.

I really don't want my children to think that there really is an old man living at the North Pole who can enter their house at will and

"He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake"

Because that would be terrifying!

My sceptical youngest was setting "Santa traps" at 4 or 5

Oh, me too. One of my most vivid early Christmas memories is that of my 5-yr-old brother and 4-yr-old self sneaking downstairs and drawing small crosses in Biro on all the satsumas, just to see if they turned up in our stockings.

They did, and we were secretly triumphant, while somehow simultaneously convinced that actually, we had heard sleigh bells and that the stockings had magically filled themselves (because we hadn't been asleep at all, had we?).

Kids are weird.

My DS is not humouring me. He is convinced it's real. Then again he talks to soft toys and is convinced they and things like shoes have feelings!
It's not wrong - just a different perception of the world.

Of course as a parent I don't care if he believes or not - I'd love the credit for all the fab stocking stuff he gets

I know people (obviously) do, but before MN I genuinely didn't realise people put so much thought into the FC/Santa thing.

Growing up, we did Santa. My mum and dad would get my grandparents to babysit for a couple of Saturdays/Sundays in the run up to Christmas so they could go to the city to "see Santa". There was never a big unveiling that he wasn't real. I remember having fun with my sister trying to find where my mum and dad had stashed things when we were still at primary school - at the same age we were writing letters to Santa, getting excited when a Santa came to school Christmas parties etc. As far as I'm aware, my parents think we still believe , yet talk about things that I'm buying for DS and DD as "what is Santa bringing them?". It's fun, it's a game, and on reflection part of the fun seems to come from the unspoken nature of being in on the secret.